As Long As It's With You

Will

Nate's embrace is so comforting. I feel that I am protected, and that nothing will affect me if he is by my side. It may sound too romantic, or even desperate, but that is exactly what I have become after rejecting feelings, sensations, and especially my sexuality. Since I decided to bet on an acting career, besides playing a character as confused as I was in the past, all this has pushed me to understand myself, to accept who I am and to be sure of what I want.

When I met this guy who turned my head, I lost the fear of feeling everything that I had previously repudiated, because I was led to believe it was wrong. I don't want to live like that anymore, pretending to be okay, being someone I wasn't, even though I still can't assume that I have a boyfriend. I can omit it, but I don't want to lie to myself like I used to.

Nate detaches himself from me, takes my hand, and leads me to the couch.

Besides his embrace, his gaze is also consoling.

— Sorry to intrude!

— All right, I needed to talk about it. After all, it is part of my history, my zero attempts at sexual relations with girls...

— And with boys? - I can't believe he's asking me that!

— Before you, there was only Somchai, and I never went beyond kissing and making out. At that time I was afraid to accept that I had feelings for him, imagine if I had the courage to go beyond that?

— So, are you a virgin?

— It depends... If we think of sex only as penetration, yes!

— What do you mean?

— Sex is not just penetration, Nate! Oral sex, and everything that comes before is also sex...

— Okay, that's true. But I just can't understand why you are always the one who takes the initiative, if you have no experience in love, or sex that...

I really find it hard to believe what Nate tells me. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with my boyfriend.

— What does one thing have to do with the other? Do you think that being a virgin, or not having much love, or sexual experience, makes a person dumb and stupid? — I ask, and he looks at me a little astonished. He opens and closes his mouth quickly, but says nothing. — If what you asked were true, we wouldn't have kissed yet, Nate!

— Not at all, I would have taken the initiative! You talk as if I were slow.

— Isn't it? — I ask, and he looks at me with a frown.

— I don't agree with you, I would have taken the initiative....

— I really wouldn't have, you were reluctant to approach me when we met...

— I already told you that I was bothered by you...

— Troubled by what exactly, Nate?

— You see, today I realize that my annoyance was already an interest in you. I wanted to look at you all the time, and it bothered me, because I never had interest in boys, and suddenly you aroused something in me, and it made me too confused, and I was afraid to approach you, you know?

— I understand... At first I felt that way too, and I thought I shouldn't be so close to you, I tried to repress it once again, and it didn't work....

— I speak and come a little closer, and seal our lips with a tender, calm kiss. I stop and look deep into your eyes. — I'm crazy about you, and I never thought that one day I would love someone so much, and be loved in return!

He wraps his arms around my neck.

— I am crazy about you too, and sometimes it scares me, because I have never been dependent on someone like that...

— Since we're crazy about each other, I think it's about time to take the next step in our relationship, don't you? — I say, and he quickly removes the arms that are wrapped around my neck.

— What would this next step be?

— You know what I'm talking about! — he turns his face away and stares at nothing. This is one of the things that irritates me about him, he usually does this when he wants to get away from a subject. — I don't want to force you, but I'm really keen I want to have sex with you!

Nate continues to stare into nothingness, and this definitely annoys me. I open my heart to him, expose all my feelings and desires, and what does he do?

NOTHING.

Absolutely nothing.

— Aren't you going to say something?

— I'm processing everything in my head, and...

— And what?

He puts his hands on his head and goes down to his neck, slowly throws his hands on his thighs, and looks at me desperately.

— I want to have sex with you too, but I have a doubt!

— Which ones?

— I keep thinking about it. I talked to my uncle and even dreamed about this doubt...

— Speak up, Nate! — looks again at nothing, but this time says something.

— Who will be the active or the passive? - on hearing his question, I can't stand it, and I let out a laugh.

— Is that the problem? Nate, you don't exist! — he looks at me with indignation.

— Do you think it's funny?

— I think. — I laugh wildly, and he seems to be burning with rage, for he is as red as the flames of fire.

— Will, there is nothing funny! There are days when I think of nothing else....

— Are you afraid that I want to be the active one? — I ask, and his look of indignation gives way to one of surprise. — If that's the problem. I can be active, passive, or flex. As long as it's with you, I want anything!

Along with his surprised look, a big smile forms on his lips. He moves closer, and his gaze shifts between my eyes and my mouth. It doesn't take long before I feel his lips lightly brush against mine, my mouth giving way to his tongue which meets mine. Kissing my boyfriend is something indescribable, his mouth is so soft, and seems to not want to part from mine, and for me, it is one of the best sensations in the world.

Our kiss intensifies as I touch his hair, and he releases himself from my mouth and lightly kisses my neck. He presses me to the couch, making me lean back more, almost lying down, while he glues his body to mine. The kisses alternate between my mouth and my neck, and this begins to have an effect on both of us. With our bodies glued together, I feel his erection along with mine. He stops the kiss, I open my eyes and stare at him.

— Can I touch you, little bunny? — he asks me in an extremely sexy voice. Is that a question for me with everything I'm feeling?

— Of course you can, but are we going to stay here in the living room? Shouldn't we go to the bedroom? — I ask, and he just shakes his head.

It doesn't take long before we reach his room. He looks at me, and I sense that he wants to say something. I move closer and wrap my hands around his neck.

— What is the problem?

— None. — he says and slowly leads me to his bed. I lie down, and he does the same, getting on top of me. We look at each other, I bring my hand to his face and caress it, he holds it and intertwines it with his own. — Won't you be upset if nothing happens tonight and we just do other things?

— I told you, as long as it's with you, I want anything! — I speak, he smiles and kisses me, and this time it is so intense that he seems to want to devour my mouth.

His hands caress my face, while mine caress your back and move up into your hair. His mouth moves down to my neck, kissing me intensely, and this puts me a little off, and a low moan comes out of my throat. I feel his hand lifting the hem of my shirt, and he strokes my abdomen, then moves down.

He stops the kiss. I open my eyes. I focus on his gaze on me as he unbuttons my jeans, and our eye contact makes me even more aroused, and my mouth begins to salivate. As he unbuttons his pants, he takes hold of my mouth again, and at the same time I feel his hand touching my cock, which is hard as stone, stroking it, from top to bottom, and this makes me let out a few desperate moans, I look up at him who sketches a seductive smile on his lips.

— Do you like it like that? — I can't answer, I just shake my head, and let out another groan as he starts to increase the speed.

I'm beside myself, feeling like I'm going to fall apart any minute, he increases the speed of his hands going up and down even more, driving me crazy. Nate stares at me, and in one last movement, he moves closer to my ear.

— Come on bunny, come for me! — This is more than enough for my body to release all that accumulated desire, feeling light and relaxed.