Why is it so hard for people to accept that I love you?

Will

The day my parents found out that Sunee didn't like men, but women, it was chaos. The memories of that day are still vivid in my memory. Words, screaming, and crying. I remember everything, especially my parents saying that Sunee needed therapy, that she was confused, and a while later when they came to the conclusion that it wouldn't do any good, they made her choose between being their daughter, or continuing to date "that girl from London". My sister made her choice, something that at first I recriminated, I thought it was very wrong, that someone like her, who could have any man she wanted, wanted a girl? For Will at that time, it was very wrong!

At that time I didn't understand my sister, because I didn't understand myself either, I didn't accept myself, I recriminated what she did, and I felt guilty for even considering the possibility of looking at a man with desire. Today, I am proud of not lying to myself, of having the courage to invest in a loving relationship with Nate, and just like Sunne chose the "London girl", I chose "My Pussycat".

— Because I like men!

As I say this, yet again history repeats itself, my parents stare at me in disbelief, and then my mother speaks up.

— I didn't hear that! You must be confusing fiction with reality... That's got to be it, hasn't it?

— No, Mom, it can't be that! I like men, and I'm in love with a man!

Before my mother can say anything, my father opens his mouth.

— That's not possible! You are my only male child, you will be my successor in business... I raised you to be a man!

— But I am a man!

— A real man likes women, marries women and has children with women, this that you are doing is disgusting, transgressing human nature...

— Stop father, look at the nonsense you are talking about! Just because I like a man, I stop being one?

His look borders on hatred when he hears what I say. I see the tears streaming down my mother's face, and she presses her hand to her mouth to hold back the tears, but I also see her look filled with anger as she looks at me in the same way as my father.

He approaches me, and I don't know what to expect, and before he can do anything against me, my mother holds him back and speaks.

— Calm down Suchart, he is confusing his own life with the character's, and besides, there is that damned boy he works with... This can only be his influence, isn't it, Will?

— How can you be sure, Phailin? I've been finding our son strange for some time now, don't you see? All the young men of his age live surrounded by girls, talk about girls, but our son doesn't do this! My friends are always telling me about their children's experiences, but what about me? What experiences do I have to tell about my son?

— You don't understand, this is the influence of the character and of living with this Nate...

— Stop saying it's the character's fault, and Nate's fault! I was the one who got interested first, I was the one who flirted with him!

— This could come from the defective gene in your family, Suchart! — shouts my mother.

— I don't want to hear any more! Will and Sunee have caused me nothing but grief. I just want you to do the same as her, get out of my house! — my father shouts loudly.

I expected their reaction to be terrible, but it hurts too much to hear this from the people who should be supporting me, hugging me and telling me that everything is fine. Tears stream down my face, and my reaction to all this is to run away from it all. In front of the garden, I sit down, I feel someone sitting next to me, and hugging me. I squeeze her, feel her hand wipe away my tears.

— Cry all you have to cry, and know that I will always be by your side!

— Call Nate and ask him to come get me. — the tears and the crying don't let me finish my sentence, I feel lost, it hurts too much.

— Don't worry, I'll call him!

Nate

When Lyn called me and told me what happened, I was desperate, seeing him, my heart broke into pieces, I felt powerless. I don't like to see Will suffer. His parents don't deserve the son they have, they don't know how much it hurts not to have the support of the one who should be on our side. His voice, his smile, and all that light he emits, just weren't there, and his only reaction when he saw me was to hug me and keep crying. The strongest hug I have ever felt, and my only desire at this moment is to do anything to take away the sadness that has settled in his heart.

He continues without saying anything. He lies on my bed, clinging to me, as if afraid of being abandoned. I caress his hair, and feel that little by little his breathing becomes regular. I kiss his forehead, and say something to calm him down.

— All this will pass, but I will always be here with you! — I say and kiss his cheek. He finally looks up at me, his eyes are puffy and watery, his eyelids and nose are red.

He is silent for a short time, and then asks.

— Is there something so great about loving a man?

— No!

— Is it disgusting to love a man?

— No!

— Why is it so hard for them to accept that I love you?

— I don't know, maybe it is the fear of the unknown, which escapes from what is conventional. Or, maybe it's just sexism!

— If they only knew how I tried to fit into the straight world, but I failed. I was a silly boy when I pushed Somchai away, but then you came into my life, and I couldn't repel you...

I listen to his words, then come closer, kiss his mouth lightly, stop, look at him.

— I know, I tried to be straight too, but I couldn't keep you out of my life!

— I love you, Nate!

— I love you too, Will! — his hands wrap around my waist and squeeze as if he's never going to let go.

[...]

A few days after the sea of sadness that drowned my boyfriend, he finally had the strength to start deciding the direction of his life. We went to his parents' house at a time when they were not there. With the help of his sister, we packed up his things, and he moved into an apartment-hotel near the center of Bangkok. Looking at it from this angle, he is right, so let's give it time, and see where this rough sea will take us.

In the midst of all this we have to work. Publicizing the last episodes of the series, recording some special programs reacting to the last episodes, interviews, doing several commercials for famous brands, lives to promote products related to the series. The work just doesn't stop, and this is good, but my only concern is with him, whenever I watch him he looks tired, and sometimes sad, although he denies it.

His sadness is probably related to his parents. His mother calls constantly, and always comes with the same story of "you are living the character life", "you need therapy", "gay cure". Will always repeats the same thing, "I'm not sick", "I don't need therapy", "I love him" "there's nothing disgusting about it".

[...]

— Are you sure? They won't kick me out? — I ask as he tightens the knot of my tie.

— No, honey, you don't have to worry, my grandfather is the most sensible person in the family. He invited me to his birthday party, and told me I could bring whoever I wanted.

— Have you told him about us?

— Not yet, you don't tell these things over the phone, but as soon as I get a chance I will, and I will introduce you to him!

— Are you really sure it won't be a problem if I come there with you? — I ask, and he caresses my face.

— Don't worry! In the past, my grandparents had the same thoughts as my parents, but when I was ten years old, my grandfather became very ill. A cancer in his liver made him review some mistakes in his life, he managed to get cured, and during his treatment he rethought a lot of things, including asking forgiveness from his brother who had been living for a long time in Taiwan. They hadn't spoken for decades since this brother of his assumed he was gay. So my grandfather asked forgiveness, and they made up.

— You mean that you have a gay uncle grandfather?

— Yes, and that's why my mother always tells my father that the defective gene runs in his family! — he says, and the expression on his face turns serious, and adds. — But the defective gene is inside their hearts, I just hope that when they find out, it won't be too late!

— Hey, you're not going to be sad about this, are you? — I stroke her hair. — Now changing the subject... I've never seen you in a suit!

I wrap my arms around his neck, he smiles, the cynical smile that I love.

— I've never seen you in a suit either, but what's the big deal?

— You look like the CEO your parents want you to be, but... — I move my mouth closer to your ear. — The CEO who likes men, and the hottest one I've ever seen!

He squeezes my waist even tighter.

— Nate, don't say things like that, we have to get to this party!

— I don't understand! — I say, feigning innocence.

— I don't understand! — he repeats what I say, imitating my voice. — Playing the fool for me? You start with this CEO stuff, and the next thing you know our clothes are lying on the floor, your bed is banging against the wall, and you're moaning desperately!

— Gee, I just called you a hot CEO, and have you thought it all through? Can't you control yourself? — I ask, smile and kiss your neck.

— Stop being cynical! — he exclaims, then pushes me against the wall, pulls my tie, lightly brushes his lips against mine, then kisses my chin, and goes around my jaw, down my neck, as I hold him tighter to my body, and let out a low moan. His tongue touches my earlobe, and he stops and says something.

— Now, tell me who can't control themselves?

He lets me go, smiles, moves away a little, turns the doorknob, and leaves me standing there looking like an idiot.

[...]

Will's grandparents' house is more luxurious than his parents'. As I entered the garden in front of the house I thought I was in another century, and somewhere other than Thailand, it looks like the garden of a European house. Its decoration is old, everything is very white, several paintings with illustrations that recall the works of Van Gogh. My gaze roams around that enormous room, while Will greets people I don't know, and introduces me to some of them.

We pass through this room and finally reach another garden area, with an extensive lawn, and further on, an indoor swimming pool with a small stage on top, and a band playing some classical music. I follow my boyfriend who is walking elegantly between the tables, and I can feel the stares. He approaches a much older couple, who I assume are his grandparents, elegantly dressed, with the same features as him, the drooping eyes, the rounded face, and the plump lips. I approach them and Will introduces me as a friend, although, I wish he would introduce me as his boyfriend, and this reminds me of that day at the resort when he said he felt jealous of couples, because now I feel the same way.

[...]

There are many couples, I observe them at a table farther away with only a few chairs. Among these couples are Will's parents who keep looking at our table, Lyn and her date. There are many people dancing, to some soft music that I don't know, while I watch the couples, I see Will getting rid of someone else who greets him, he approaches me, sits down beside me.

— Shall we dance?

— Are you crazy?

— What's wrong? My uncle was dancing with his husband before I went over to greet him!

— Your uncle is over sixty, and he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone, and everyone is looking at us as if we were...

— We're stars of a hit TV show, it's only natural that they look at us, but we don't need to prove anything to anyone either!

— Will, you know it's not like that! Coming out implies many issues, and in the country we live in, although there are many BL's produced, the life of people who fall under the LGBTQIA+ acronym is not that easy, and you know that!

— I know, but if we both come out, we will show that love between LGBT people needs to be normalized, there is nothing "abnormal" about it...

Before he finishes his sentence, we are surprised by someone.

— Will, I think we need to talk!