10

Mature and sensitive content ahead. Reader's discretion is advised.

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Arnav

I punch the sandbag harder as Khushi's terrified face swims in front of my eyes.

The way she flinched away from me. The way her face contorted in fear as she saw me take a step toward her. Remembering everything that happened in her room a while back created a whirlpool of pain inside me.

"This is all because of me. BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDITY."

I slump on the floor, my hands bloody due to persistently punching the sandbag without any protective gloves on, but I do not care about it.

The hurt I feel from these injuries on my bloodied hands is nothing compared to the overwhelming pain of guilt and remorse I feel in my heart due to what I made Khushi suffer.

"And for no fault of hers. Khushi had been innocent in all this. She did not deserve it. She did not." I let the tears flow, feeling only suffocation as I recount everything I did to her.

"You are my wife, and this body of yours is mine now. Mine to do whatever I wish with it."

I was so brutal that first night. I threatened her to submit and forced myself on her. I did not stop even when she relentlessly begged. Instead, I felt satisfaction seeing her in pain because I thought she was the reason behind my sister being on the deathbed.

And all the insults I threw at her. Every nasty thing I said to her.

"That night, all the evidence showed us what a complete filth you are. Do you know what the girls like you are called? They are called dirty whore."

She is a pure soul, not filth. An innocent, not a whore.

But I kept spitting those words at her and insulting her—the insult she did not deserve.

I take deep breaths to lessen the pain of regrets, my heart feeling as if someone is piercing it with thousands of sharp needles as I remember how she kept trying to defend herself, how she kept telling me that it was not her fault.

"I did not do anything, Arnav. Nothing was my fault. I did not want to cause trouble in Priya's marriage and this household, so I kept quiet."

"But I didn't believe her. I didn't give her a chance to prove her innocence." Standing up from the floor, I walk toward the mirror in the room and smash it, letting the shards prick my skin.

I want to hurt myself for hurting her. I am ready to take any hurt to stop hearing her pleas, all the times she begged me not to punish her. All the times she screamed at me to stop.

"Ss..Sir, ppll..easse, it...it still pains down there. I... I won't bb..ee able to..."

She begged she won't be able to endure it, but I did not stop. I punished her despite her pleadings and her screams.

"No, please, NOOOOOO."

I thrash the whole room, my heart clenching painfully, my mind in total chaos as I relive all the screams Khushi had screamed, all the pain she had suffered.

Everything kept flashing repeatedly as I destroyed everything I could see in the room.

"Whores like you are nothing but flesh to me. A flesh to devour whenever I feel like it."

"You know, Khushi, no matter how much I loathe you for being a characterless whore, I can see how those men fall for your charms. You do have a beautiful body, perfect to benefit a slut like you."

How could I ever spit such venomous words at her? Why did I not listen to her truth? Why did I not try to find the truth?

"WHY? WHY? WHY?"

I shouted until my throat was sore.

I cannot contain myself anymore. The guilt of what I did to Khushi is weighing down my heart, threatening to snap my sanity.

"Shut up and let me fuck you. After all, you are only good for that, aren't you, whore?"

"ARRGGHHH!!! It hurts..sss so m..mmuch... pl..pleasse... ss..stop."

"Oh, my God!! What have I done? I am sorry. I am so sorry, Khushi. I am so sorry," I slump on the floor again, crying as her whimpers and screams continue ringing in my ears.

Looking around the room, I only see the destruction, everything a mess in the room.

I did not only destroy the room; I ruined Khushi too. I ruined her purity, innocence, and our sacred marriage bond. I ruined everything.

"How will I even face her properly, let alone apologize for everything I did?" I look straight ahead, tears still running down my face, recounting how fearful she was of me after waking up a while ago.

I was in her room, drowning in guilt, when I saw her sit on the bed, her whole body shaking and sweaty.

It seemed like she was reliving something traumatic in her nightmare, and my heart clenched painfully as I suddenly began thinking if that traumatic incident was one of those times when I had...

I shake my head, not able to even say that word in my head.

'You cannot even think it, and she lived it,' my heart mocks, and I again feel a raw pain pass through my being.

I stand up from the floor and walk toward the door, intending to go to Khushi and apologize to her.

I will kneel before her and keep apologizing until she forgives me. I will show her how truly remorseful I am for what I did.

I clutch the knob of the door but cannot bring myself to open the door and walk out.

"Please... give me one night... please."

I remember what Khushi had requested me just an hour back.

I move back from the door, deciding to respect her wish. I know how much pain she is in, and she will need some time to come out of it.

"Yes. I will give her some time. After that, I will apologize to her, and she will forgive me."

'Are you sure about that, Arnav? After what you did to her, she might not even want to see your face, let alone forgive you.' My mind quips, and I shake off that thought immediately.

"My Khushi will listen to me. She will have to." I am determined to make her forgive me. She will have to forgive me. There can be no other possibility at all.