19 - CRAVING LOVE

-SAGE-

I gasped as Sabrina pulled the corset strings. It was strangling me.

" Go slow, please," I whisper holding the dresser tightly.

" This wouldn't have happened if you weren't a baby hippo." she scoffs pulling the strings harsher.

" The strings are gonna break if you go on that pace, Sabrina." Elena glared at her.

" What can I do? Someone's so-called fiancé sent a gown for her without knowing how much elephantine she is." Sabrina scoffed typing the strings.

" It hurts." I wince rubbing my sides.

" Should have thought that before stuffing yourself," Sabrina mutters sitting on the bed.

" Hurts hurts." I sob slumping on the floor.

" Stop being so mean, Sabby. It's really hurting her." Elena grumbles kneeling near me.

" Come here, sweetie," she mumbles loosening the strings.

" Sabrina, you deliberately tied them firmly, didn't you?" Elena growled as she tied the strings loosely again.

" I'm doing it for her good. She looks fat and Hades might run away at the sight of her ugly body. Try eating less, baby hippo." she shrugs giving me a disgusted look.

" I just eat the bland food you all give me," I whisper.

" Well then don't eat anything," Sabrina growls.

" Why are you being so mean to me? I regret what I said yesterday, okay? I was sick and sad so all that crap came out of my mouth but I'm sorry. You're my sister and I never meant to disrespect you or father." I yell but Sabrina just scoffs at my words.

" Well, you did. As soon as you got Hades, you began acting like a queen but don't forget who is really are, Sage," she yells, glaring at me.

" I would never forget who I am, Sabrina. I'm your sister, the same one you taught how to walk, the same sister you took care of, the same sister you loved." I whisper slowly walking towards her.

" I love you and always will," I whisper placing my hand on her shoulder.

Sabrina looks at me with tears in her eyes as if she realized something but it all disappeared the next moment when she pushed me away, glaring at me.

" Don't touch me you fucking filthy blooded murderer," she growls.

" Wh-what ?" I gasped.

" Just get out of our lives, Sage. Get out and never come back," she yells stomping out of the room.

" What was she saying ?" I turn towards Elena.

" I. . . don-don't know. I'll go check on her," she mutters running out of the room.

I sigh turning back towards the mirror, wiping my tears to avoid spoiling my makeup. I pick up the champagne-colored diamonds which matched my dress and necklace, these were sent by Hades too.

He had good taste, I've never seen anything he lacked in except the choice of choosing me. My mind couldn't pick out one logical reason as to why he wanted me as his wife.

Was he in love with me? No, it can't be. Being with Enrique has taught me that love happens but it has some of its own definitions.

Falling for someone who is beautiful or handsome, is the admiring type of love. Once they lose their beauty, the admiration is gone and so is the love. Falling for someone's wealth or knowledge is as same.

But falling in the real love means to love someone with all you have, to sacrifice your everything for them without any hesitation, to love them at their highs and lows and ups and downs.

That's the love I craved for, that's the love I thought I got from everyone around me but today, it's all empty. No one has that love for me except my Shawn and it hurts to even accept that fact. I don't want to accept it. It hurts my heart to know that everyone I've loved with all my heart doesn't even love me truly.

It was all a pretense which is fading and so am I . . . .

" Sage."

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts, I turn around clearing my throat.

" Yes, come in please," I mumble as my father walks in with a smile on his face.

" You look beautiful." he smiles at me.

" Thank you, father." I giggle taking a step towards him, lifting my arms to hug him but he clearly turns around avoiding my hug.

Was a hug too much to ask for on this day? Was a little affection too much to ask for when he throws loads of them on Sabrina? Am I really that filthy that my own father doesn't like touching me on such a day?

" I came to talk about something," he mutters as I looking around the room trying to hide my tears.

" Yes."

" Listen, Sage, I want you to hide the thing about your little accident that happened two years ago from Hades," he mumbles rubbing the back of his neck.

" I thought he knew," I mumbled looking at him with wide eyes.

How can he ask me to hide something so important from the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with . . . well probably spend the rest of my life with.

" He doesn't and I don't want him to know." father shrugs as if he is talking about the weather.

" Yy-you told me to hide it from everyone in town, I kept silent. You didn't let anyone know about it so that it doesn't damage your image, I kept silent. You made me deal with my mental issues myself without any help until Shawn stepped up but I kept silent. You made everyone treat me like I'm filth or inferior just because I was r*ped and yet I kept silent. But today, you're asking me to hide this from the man who is going to be the biggest part of my life. How can you say this? Hades needs to know this."

" Then what are you going to say? What? Do you even know the number of men who have used you like public property, Sage ?" he growled.

I gasped, sobbing loudly as I hit the wall behind me. His words unintentionally hit a sensitive spot as I could feel a panic attack rising. My head began spinning as my father kept yelling about something but I couldn't hear him.

" It wasn't my fault, father. I didnt ask for it." I whisper hugging myself.

" It doesn't matter, Sage. This is all your fault," he screamed.

" Get that in your head, if Hades gets to know about your dirty deed then I'll kill you with that caring brother of yours, don't test my patience girl," he growled before he stomped out of the room.

I hugged myself, hiding my face in my knees as loud sobs and hiccups erupted from the depth of my heart. The pain became unbearable as I clutched my head tightly.

I will go crazy, I will go crazy, I can't deal with this anymore.

" It wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for it." I whisper rocking myself back and forth.

The sobs turned louder as the hiccups grew out of control making my body shake uncontrollably. I could feel the mascara running down my cheeks, my hair was sticking to my sweaty face as I bit on my lips, probably spoiling the lipstick.

" Mumma. I wanna mumma." I crawl to the dresser, opening the last drawer which had a picture of mumma. Hugging her picture, I cried loudly.

" Mumma . . . you heard what he said? They all hate me, mumma. They all hate me. Sabby hates me, father hates me, Enrique hates me and pp-probably . . . Elliot hates me too. They all hate me. Do you hate me too? Nowie, you love me. I know you do. I love you too, mumma. Sage loves you too. Sage loves mumma a lot." I whisper hugging her picture tightly.

Mumma doesn't hate me. I know she doesn't. She loves me alot. More than Sabrina and father do. I love her too but I'm angry at Sabrina and father. I know, one day they'll beg me to forgive them but I won't.

One day father, you'll lose me forever. You'll beg me to forgive you, to love you as I did, to care for you, to call you father again but I won't. You'll crave for my love but you won't get it. I'll go so far from you that you'll cry with my picture every day and yet won't be able to reach me.

One day . . .