Chapter Eleven

ELEVEN

I am in my new room when Zuri's door opens. She walks down to my room, slightly opens the door and throws in her head. "Hey."

I wave in return and she goes out. Her footsteps move to the sitting room. I know she is about to watch that silly military movie where car burning looks like the fire is a ball beside the car.

Soon I hear the sounds coming from it - very noisy gun shots, bomb explosions and shouts which are too exaggerated and unnecessary.

I lie down and pull a pillow over my head. Before my eyes is a wallpaper of a popular musician. He is posed around a car without shirt and three women wearing just bras and panties. I don't know who started it but it was hard now to see a musician posed without nude women.

In Kent's room, he too had a wallpaper of a rapper covering every corner of his room. I have never understood the reasoning behind these wallpapers used to decorate a room like the drawing of Einstein. It seems to be a foolish attempt to idolize these men.

In my room at home, I had papers I put up on the wall beside my bed marked with the names of people that are better off dead. My mother's name was the first. I looked at the names written with just first letters whenever I woke up. They refueled my hate and anger. But I did not need a reminder of my past to be angry. It was just there in me - I was always angry within me.

I hear Zuri's footsteps return and I sit up with my teddy on my thighs. She parts the door and walks in then stops and takes in view of the place.

"It still smells like my brother but soon it will smell like you."

I do not even know any smell other than the smell of the teddy I am carrying that has wrapped itself around my nostrils and is stuck there. I also know she knows her brother's smell is best for this room.

She settles on the bed and raises her hand close to my face. I shift back, staring at her with wide eyes. "Are you looking for something?"

She smiles and takes back her hand. She is wearing a small knicker and a cotton jacket over a small singlet. I can see her butt cheeks from the shorts. It is almost as if she is sitting naked on the bed.

She pulls her jacket around her. " What about we skip work today? I want to take you somewhere."

I do not care about anything. I am not interested in going anywhere I do not understand. But I'm relieved; going to that lantern shop has been depressing.

I am supposed to answer her and she keeps looking at me with her head thrown to the side until I say, "okay."

She stands up and does that thing she likes to do - clapping her hands together while smiling.

"I'll come pick you after my tutorial."

Sometimes I want to ask her why she is going for tutorials. It is possible she'll not get into college and even if she got in, is it with the lantern money she'll pay through? It will be funny if she is hoping for a scholarship. Everyone is hoping for that these days.

I walk to the kitchen and stand close to the window where I see people moving about. Two little boys are running about. The second is pursuing the other that holds up a note that looks like money. He's holding it and running like it is a flag or a kite that he wants to fly away.

It is morning and the streets are busy. The jingles from the ice cream stands reach my ears. I move so I can see where it is. There are no customers yet but the seller is both energetic and excited; he is dancing to the jingles in front of the cooler.

The boys are still running around. A young man snatches the money from one of the boys and mixes up with the crowd. The little boy is standing at a place, confused and tearful. His partner takes him to his arms and keeps him there.

Comfort. I can not relate to finding comfort in another's arms. I have never searched for it in others. I have never given either.

I am aware of Zuri's presence as she comes into the kitchen but I do not turn. She lights the cooker and puts a pot on it.

"Oh baby."

She has never called me that before and the ridiculousness makes me remain as I am.

"Your monthly guest is here," she says.

I look at her then leave the kitchen to check the bedsheet. I'm not surprised my period is here. It is actually a bit late.

When that woman held me captive, I spent the four days of my menstruation each month in the bathtub. It had been convenient to stay where the blood could easily wash away. Now I wonder what is more convenient.

I peep into the hallway and seeing it is all clear, I take a cloth to wet in the bathroom then I hurry back to clean off the bed sheet.

Someone knocks on the door. I look at it and continue what I am doing. The door parts anyway and Zuri comes in with a blue plastic bag.

"I had a few tampons at home," she says. "They won't be enough so Dwayne will get you some when he goes to work."

Well, the boy does have a name.

" Wait," I say.

I pull the teddy and put my hand inside. Careful not to open it wide, I move my hand around until I feel the notes. I hand them to her. "For the tampons."

She laughs in my face then covers her mouth and laughs some more. My hand is still in the air waiting for her to take my money and hoping she'll refuse it. It is all I have on me. I am only offering it to her because I do not want the things she has done for me to be more than I can pay back. I do not want to be indebted. That is my mother's forte not me.

Her laugh now has reduced to a thin line of smile. "Imani, when someone gives you a tampon, it's supposed to be free."

I withdraw my hand. " Is it a law?"

" It's a girl's code."

I continue with cleaning the stain on the blue sheet. She is still there at the door. I want her to get out. I want to be alone.

"And Imani, you are crazy for offering me money. We're taking care of you because you are helping with Dad's shop. It's not charity."

Now that's contrary to what she told me the first night in the bathroom. Now that's a lie we both know but it seems to help us sleep at night so I take it. Because I know like she knows that after the day I helped to clear and arrange the place, all I now do is mope around.

After she leaves, I go to shower with a fresh set of clothes from a carton I threw in my stuff.

The water runs down my shoulder and down my body. It carries every pent up emotion back to my mouth and I exhale with my eyes closed.

Zuri left for the tutorial while I was bathing. The power is off and I can not sleep. I pick a book from the parlor and go sniffing for what she had been making.

There is nothing but a note beside a small pot.

"You guys should make your oat."

She must think it is everyone that can make oats.

Well, I can not. It was in Kent's house that I drank it for the first time. I was snooping around his phone, not interested in learning it.

I picked Dwayne's box of cereals and returned to the room. I chewed it until Zuri returned.

Close to nightfall, Zuri returns with a bag of funny clothes. She pours them out on the bed and claps her hands together.

"They're going to look good on you."

I do not understand her excitement. I silently watch as she raises one after the other trying to determine me which would look best on me. I am not as thin as she is and not as chubby as I used to be. Just somewhere in-between. Slim- thick. Funny but that is the closest description.

"Have you been to a club before?" She asks, sitting down right where the stain had been in the morning.

I shake my head. "What about the shop?"

She raises her eyebrows and smiles. " What about the shop?"

I shrug and begin to lift the dresses. One was a skirt and a crop top and others were small stretchy gowns. What was she doing?

Going to a club together does it mean we are now friends?

She begins to wiggle out of her shorts and then she poses in her singlet and net pants and laughs. I also laugh.

"Just try to have fun tonight," she says.

She pulls me to my feet and quickly unbuttons my shorts. I step back and remove my clothes myself. It is hard to understand her enthusiasm.

She does my make up which she promised she was going to make light but I guess it's not all promises that are supposed to be kept. The thing she did with the eyeshadow around my eyes was like she determinedly wanted to cover my hollow and it worked. Now I look like a clown with the blond afro she said was perfect for my skin.

She calls out to her brother as we are about to leave. I adjust the the nude gown on me around my breast. It kept pulling down. Zuri is in a sequined green short, a pink bra and a transparent jacket that looks like a nylon - sounds like nylon.

As we wait for her brother, she comes up behind me and adjusts the straps of my dress. She pulls it and it's so tight but I do not complain. It's better that way.

Dwayne.

He stands at the door with his hands on both sides of the door pane. His name somehow looks like him or he looks like it.

"Where are you ladies going?" he asks when he is done accessing us.

" To the club," Zuri answers.

He does something that looks like rolling his eyes or throwing his square head back. "Which club are you going to?"

"The J brothers' brothel."

He narrows his eyes. "That's not a club."

Zuri groans and walks to the door. I follow her and stand by as she removes the chain and unbolts the door. I throw one last look at him and wave. He nods then I step outside.

I feel bare and helpless without that teddy. I just did not want to look out of place with a white teddy that has now turned brown. I did not mind embarrassing Zuri but I did not want to raise her curiosity.

But one is not to walk alone anywhere at night so I have my company in my underwear. I wonder if Zuri carries one too - probably in her small sling bag.