Chapter 17
The next day I reported back to work again at eight-thirty. I had been allotted a permanent shift of eight-thirty for the entire week. I had still not figured out the locals and decided to give it a try as soon as possible. Till then I had to survive on the bus.
I reached the office on time and as usual, was stopped by the guard at the gate.
"Where to, madam?"
"FMN."
"Make an entry in the register." I went towards his table to write down my name, purpose of entry and signature. I saw Manpreet wheezing past me without care and she wasn't stopped. I could not stop myself from asking whether he was biased.
"Uncle, do you have any problem with me?"
Uncle was really sweet because he did not get offended by my question and replied coolly.
"No, no, why will I have a problem with you?"
"Then you let her go and stopped me."
He started laughing at my childishness.
"Madam she has an identity card from the office. You don't have one so you need to write it down. Get yourself a card made too and then I won't stop you too, every day."
I sheepishly grinned. Okay, so I had to get myself an identity card to get past security. I was late by ten minutes but it did not matter because the office was empty with only Swati and me at the lounge.
"Coffee?" Manpreet enquired.
"Yes, please."
"Would you like to go to the cafeteria? I haven't had breakfast."
"But there is no one at the office and if we are missing from..."
"No one bothers."
"Okay." I tagged along.
On our way to the cafeteria, we found the FBN offices in a slumber. Everything looked so hunky-dory and different yesterday when the place was filled with people.
"Where does Agam sit?" I asked more to myself than Manpreet. But she did hear me.
"I thought you were different from the rest."
"I am sorry," which came out instinctively due to her judgment.
"They are all fans of Agam Khandelwal and you are not shallow like them."
"You are friends with them and talking behind them. Look who is calling me shallow."
Manpreet seemed to be in a spit it out all mood. "It's the herd mentality I am following. Do you think I could gel with them?"
"You aren't friends with them?"
"Hardly."
"You know them from before if I am correct."
She sniggered. "I would die of a fit to have superficial friends like them."
An "oh" that's precisely the only thing that escaped my mouth.
"I ain't from the same college as them. Swati, Bini, Jessey and Anjali are. They know each other for quite some time and are also roommates in Mumbai."
"Makes sense," I added. "Where are you from Manpreet?"
"Manto, my friends call me Manto. I am from Chandigarh but I am graduating from Delhi University.
"That's like wow! I am in awe of DU and its teachings."
"What are you studying?"
"Political Science."
"So, what's your story with them Manto?"
We had reached the cafeteria. Narayan uncle beamed to see us for breakfast. Manto ordered a Maggi for herself and I refused to eat citing a heavy breakfast at home. Narayan uncle asked us to take a seat while he got the Maggi for her.
Manto started speaking again. "I joined here four weeks back in the hope of learning something and doing something concrete for my college work but this place is a shithole."
"I want to get done with the nightmare called FMN. I am dying to go back home. I would prefer my sheltered, boring life any day than being a part of this gutter." She took a moment perhaps to compose herself, her wavering emotions and thoughts. But instead next when she spoke, she was spitting fire.
"Rasik is a skirt chaser." I just heard her out but I was already forming my opinion about the people around here with her candid or coloured words. "Rasik judges us by the dresses we wear rather than the talent we possess."
"Hey, you are well dressed." I tried to cheer her up but it did not work.
"That's harsh. What makes you say such things?" Manto sighed. I gave her a minute to compose herself and talk again. Before she could, Narayan uncle was at the table to hand her, her plate of Maggi. Narayan uncle lingered on to see her take a spoonful of his delicious Maggi, meanwhile I stared awkwardly until Narayan uncle sensed it and went back to his workstation. Manto was blissfully gorging her food when I excused myself on the pretext of getting a cup of coffee. Manto had me in a fix and I was totally lost in her words to the extent that I did not see the cafeteria being occupied by another presence apart from Manto and me.
While walking back towards Manto with the coffee, I heard my name being called out. It had to be Agam, of course. Who would bother? I made my way to him.
"Hi, good morning."
"To you too." And he smiled at me, one where he flashed all his pearly whites. Why did he become so...mushy (for the lack of a better word at the moment) around me? And there was nothing more for both of us to talk about. We hardly knew each other and...
"Early morning shift?" He spoke with such incredulity in his voice that it stirred me and made me take notice of what he was up to.
"Yeah," I spoke timidly for this was completely unfamiliar territory.
"Why?"
I gave him a bewildered look. He explained himself pretty well.
"I mean FMN doesn't start functioning before 11. What is the need?"
"Whatever." And I shrugged it off.
"Why don't you take a seat and have your coffee?"
I raised my eyebrows in ingenuity.
"Thank you but I am here with someone."
He nodded. "Okay then." And that was Agam cutting me off.
"Yeah."
And this became a ritual for me. Coming to work on time in the morning. Finding no one at the office. Walking in the café to let Manto enjoy her Maggi, while I had a cup of coffee. Listen to Manto ranting about the politics at work.
What changed in the course of this ritual was my relationship (hardly) with Agam. From greeting each other and exchanging pleasantries to smiling and nodding at each other. And finally, the last stage becoming indifferent to each other's presence despite only the two of us being present in the café.
It didn't bother me, neither did it to Agam I suppose. We weren't friends, neither acquaintances nor our lives were peaceful...There is no need for so many explanations.
Beyond the morning ritual, I followed another one too. Post the coffee in the morning, I buried myself into the newspapers from across the country till noon. By noon everyone would start trickling in into the office and I would wait for reporters to start pouring in with their request to run to the library and get specific tapes for their story.
Lunch and then the wait of hope. Hope to get selected to work on a story with a reporter. Go for an onsite reporting or anything that would enable me to learn but that didn't come my way for the entire week. The first weekend was just around the corner and thankfully Rasika asked me to report on both the days to work. I was elated.
The weekend could not have been duller. Fridays were all about winding up the feature stories that were supposed to be aired on Saturday. Anything major that needed to be shot was done by Saturday evening and Sunday was all about killing time in the office with nothing to do. With each passing day, I was losing my patience and getting frustrated. Bini continued her dream run at the office and how did she pull it off was still a story to be unearthed. People at FBN were on leave on weekends and it seemed more than quiet than it ever was in the office.
When Rasika changed my early morning shift to an afternoon one on Sunday evening, I had a flicker of hope that times were changing. Though I was not too busy I avoided having a long conversation with my mother, the pretence of enjoying work might fall, shattering me and my dreams forever. I talked to her barely for five minutes in the day; each minute a betrayal of putting an act of how busy I was at work.
Jigar and I could not keep up with each other like in old times. But we made it up to each other through chats. I was extremely grateful for his help and therefore never bickered about the less time we spent talking to each other. Also, it was me who had initiated a sort of break in our relationship and I supposed karma was getting back at me for being nasty.
