Chapter 7

I quickly sprang into action and in no time was standing outside my parent's bedroom. I could hear their faint voices, and, in all probability, they were wide awake. My parents followed the rule of not sleeping without confiding in each other the entire events of the day in detail. They would never skip the routine of missing this conversation for anything. My mother poured her heart out to him while my father would soothe her worries away with sweet notes of encouragement and motivation. All the tales of the day were narrated at this hour, no wonder we received all the thrashings at the breakfast table.

I was about to knock on the door when my phone rang. I turned into a shade of pale yellow, sweating and bad-mouthing Jigar over his wrong timing. I could sense the shift in the mood in the room, from a level of great comfort to a high level of discomfort on finding who the caller was.

"Abhi...your phone is ringing." My dad shouted.

I decided to fake my appearance knocking on the door a few minutes after my father had called. But there was no room for putting up on the pretence because as soon as I turned my heels to take a leave, the door opened to reveal my very hyper and angry mom staring at me with the phone in her hand. She did not show her anger through her words, but her hostility was conveyed through her action. She thrust the phone into my hand and closed the door. I stood there staring at the door which my mom closed on my face. I was embarrassed and guilt-ridden. I had done nothing to assuage their fears about Jigar and me. It had only heightened with our bad timing.

I dragged my feet, but they refused to listen to me. My conscience pricked at me for causing them trouble. I only hoped things would mend before I departed. All efforts would be futile, and it was confirmed by my mother's not so subtle and loud words, "Yash send her to Mumbai as earliest as possible. I don't want her to be near Jigar. She might not be in love with him, but I am not sure about Jigar. Naina will never be able to accept her and ruin her life and I don't want her..."

She started sobbing. My father, I believed consoled her.

"You don't make your child run from the most possible outcomes in front of them. To hell with Naina and Jaideep. Let them think whatever they want. I trust her when she looks me in the eye and says she does not love the boy. And he is a good friend who has stayed with her through thick and thin. I want her to go to Mumbai but for all the right reasons. I want her to learn to survive without us. I want her to experience life without us and above all I want her to create her own place in the world."

My heart swelled with pride and in that instant, I promised my father secretly never to let him down. I did not want to be an intruder and I left quietly as possible and headed for the washroom. I composed myself and finally made the call.

He picked it up on the first ring itself.

"I am sorry Abhilasha, I had no clue your phone was grounded. I would not have called. Seriously!" He was ranting in fear expecting the worst reaction from me.

"It's okay man. Relax. Listen, I am taking up your offer."

The few seconds of silence on the other end showed that he was stunned.

"Wow! Great!" and after a quick composure, he came back with a witty reply. "Welcome to the Bhansali family."

It was my chance to rattle him. "It's not funny man...you think all of this is a joke. You should see how worked up my mom is."

"Hey...stop blowing this out of proportion. I said it in jest."

"Well, me too."

We both ended up laughing. I controlled my laughter in the fear of waking up my sis and enraging her for disturbing her sleep.

"Hey... are you controlling yourself?"

"Obviously, dude. I am standing in the bathroom and talking to you. God help me if my sister knocks on the door and finds me chuckling while holding my tummy."

"Tell her it is an extreme bout of diarrhoea."

"That was lame."

"It made you tickle. Purpose served."

"Will we be the same even when I am in Mumbai and you in Kolkata? Will we talk regularly?"

"Does friendship change with the distance between us?"

"Question as an answer!"

"Okay, I will give you a statement. I won't change forever but I can't vouch for you."

I rolled my eyes at his nerve to accuse me of something I could never become.

"Don't roll your eyes."

"How did you know?"

"I just know, a dud."

"Okay."

"Abhi..."

"Hmm..."

"What did your parents say?"

"About?"

"You and me."

I smiled. "My dad trusts me completely and I am never breaking his trust, Jigar. He knows you my 2 am a friend for life and I would never want to lose you for some stupid rumours or misunderstanding between our mothers."

He wasn't relieved on hearing this but contrite. And I could sense he was all fidgety.

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Hmm..." was the only thing he acknowledged me with.

"Are you in love with me?" I paused to give him a moment to collect himself. "Like romantically involved."

"What do you think?"

"I cannot think that is why I want to be sure and not assume anything for you."

"You are sure about your feelings? Correct?"

He didn't take a pause as expected but continued for more effect.

"I am sure about mine too. You are the best thing to have happened to my life Abhi and I am unapologetic about it. But hell, love exists between us but not the way this ass**** of our parents associate with.

"I will be in love with you forever...I will always stand for you and be there at your back. I will be there to catch you whenever you fall. I won't let anything happen to you. And I don't expect you to do anything for me. You are my saviour man and everything I do for you is something I did to make myself happy."

I was taken aback by his declaration. His sense of devotion for me was appalling. I was overwhelmed by the intensity with which he held me, dear. And I knew in the heart of my heart that there was something Jigar was hiding from me, but I could not pin a point at anything. And I decided to let things be.

The knock on the door broke the spell and I hurriedly whispered that I need to hang up for the fear of getting caught by my sis. It riled me up for a second. I took a deep breath straightened myself, sprinkled a few droplets of water on my clothes, washed my hands and finally opened the door. My sister was too sleepy to notice any awkwardness in my behaviour. She did not even question me about taking so long in the bathroom.

I slept on my side of the bed and kept staring at the ceiling fan. I did not bat my eyelid. I feared my dreams. I was scared of my subconscious mind. I feared my dreams would show me something I would never accept. And when the fear clouded my brain from all sides, sleep took over me just like my best friend and soothed my nerves peacefully.

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It was a regular routine for Abhilasha and me to talk on the phone post-midnight every day. I finished binging on the entertaining and not so enlightening serials before I picked up the phone to talk to her. I gave her daily updates about the love life of my characters. I loved the romance, unlike Abhilasha who hated the mushy, gooey feeling in the tummy. My day was incomplete without informing Abhi about the hormonal imbalance that each character felt while in love. It was fun to tease her while she fished for logic in the love stories I watched.

She brought a smile to my face. However hard I failed, Abhilasha stood encouraging me, motivating me to cross the barrier with elance. She never faltered with her faith in me. She was supremely positive about my success in whatever I aimed to do. She was a ray of hope within me to survive the cruelty of life that I had met very early in my life.

Why am I so screwed? I have been looking for this answer ever since...I have been looking for validation...all my life. I have always wanted my dad to acknowledge my presence, not as an idiot...of course...but I believe I was expecting too much out of him. Why did he loathe me? God Knows!

On the other hand, Naina Bhansali was the complete opposite. She doted on me, protected me, cared for me too much and that stifled me; a little bit. I don't know if Appu felt the same and went through similar emotions. There is a vast distinction in the attitude of both our parents towards each of us. Did it stem from something deep down within their core? Or was I reading too much into this? Or am I biased in my opinion about them? The world has always gushed at the lovely family portrait we present. It was true to an extent...but it never felt like the truth to me. I always felt deep down within that this was an act by both to create an image in front of the world. But truly...I hadn't experienced anything nasty to have such a stiff outlook for them.

Abhi has been asking me to go visit a shrink. She believes I have too much of the past baggage on me that clouds my current emotions and opinions. Really? Well, not like I haven't been to a therapist before but that was completely in a different capacity when I was hooked to the drugs. Another dark chapter of my life that I revisit almost every day when I control my urge not to lose myself to the temptation of going wild and letting the power of darkness consume me.

Every night these dark thoughts consume me and every morning I cheerfully make them vanish. Abhilasha suspects I hide a lot of my feelings from her. And...that is, indeed, true, because I don't want to scare her off. It isn't like I don't trust her...I do... and she will accept me even as the red-eyed, one-horned, atrocious monster. But there lies my confusion, while I do trust her with my life, I cannot trust her with my true feelings and true self. What if she shuns me just like the rest of the world?

I was lost in thought when Naina Bhansali AKA my mom entered my room. She sat down next to me, put her comforting hand on me and kissed my forehead.

"Tired?' She asked lovingly.

I made a face at her for asking me a question like this. She was bemused at my response.

"What?"

"Why are you behaving so weird?"

"I am not, mom. Common, just because I question your logic, you don't question my behaviour."

What the fuck is my problem. Why am I acting like a douche with my mom? I could have been polite. There was no need to snap...and no, I wasn't exacting an act of revenge from her for being rude to Abhi and her family. I mean why the hell I would ever do that. In fact, I understand her complexities so well that I never ever stopped her from asking me any questions about Abhilasha or stopped her from overthinking the not so obvious things.

"Hey, sorry." I was apologetic. "I am just tired and not in one of my good moods."

"I can see that." She smiled. "Why are you upset?"

"Mom, let's not go there."

"Oh! I thought you could tell me anything."

"Anything that wouldn't offend you."

"Is it? Something You. Say. Can. Offend. Me?" She looked incredulous with her pouting face.

"Okay. If you insist. Why did you call Abhilasha's mom and warned her about the consequences...?

She interrupted me before I could complete it. Naina Bhansali, always impulsive, haughty, impatient and judgmental too.

"I didn't threaten her, the way you are making it sound." She said in a small voice.

"Are you trying to fib me?"

"This is exactly what I fear, my word against hers. And she will definitely win the battle."

"Mom, I am not a prize that you are contesting against her. I am your son and before she became my friend, it was always you. Just get over your insecurity. And by the way, to tell you the truth, you aren't scared of the idea of me against you, you fear the societal pressure and the prestige your brand will suffer if I marry her."

She was all ready to rub me off with a wave off her hand when I glared my eyes with all the might in them at her. She was mollified at the liberty I took.

"Fine, as you wish." And she stood up to walk off, ending this conversation on a sour note.

I was chastised. "Mom!" And I said that with so much affection that she did not even look back. I held her wrist and tugged at her, just like I did as a child and to make her sit and pay attention towards me.

"Mom, she is just my best friend and she isn't in love with me. And marriage? Huh! That lady is so career-oriented that she gives me jitters." I started laughing at the thought of Abhilasha ever being tamed down for the sake of marriage. She looked at me with disgust.

"You don't want to marry her because she is career-oriented. What kind of a jerk are you? Isn't this the 21st century? Women have all the right to choose their careers as well as work on their dreams. They can balance both their marriage and their work. In fact, why does the onus of striking marriage/work balance lie only on the shoulders of women? Both the man and the woman should share the responsibility of making things work."

My lips instantly perked up in a smile. So much for hating Abhilasha and having sleepless nights over her as the daughter-in-law. This feminazi streak is so powerful, that even your archrival is on your side to champion the cause. She was all stirred up.

"Point taken. But I don't intend to marry her. Should I spell this out for you more clearly and in simpler terms?"

She genuinely smiled and left but not without a word, "She is a nice girl. I like her. But as your friend."

I gave her a look of disdain but that did not bother her. "Good night." But then there was no point in wishing her, she will have a mighty good night with the confession I made.