Eleven

***

I was in a calculus class when I heard my phone chimed. I was relieved I could get my eyes away from Mr Allen and his boring lectures. Infact, I have been dying to get off this seat for a long time. So when I got a message, I became happy. I reached between the pocket of my sweater and pulled out my phone. It's a message from Ryder.

Why is he texting me in school?

The few weeks since I've known Ryder now, he only texts when he has anything naughty to say or to disturb me. Something within me tells me something is wrong somewhere. I mean, he never texts in school at least. Before I could find out what the message entailed, I heard the demanding yet ugly voice of Mr Allen calling me.

"Miss, McConnell, are you still with us?" I look up to find his eyes boring into mine like he has been staring at me a long time ago. I broke the contact and looked around to find all the double pairs of eyes lingering on my body.

"Ye..yes" I stuttered.

"Good" he says before turning to the board to continue whatever it is that he has to say. After his class I finally get the chance to open Ryder's message.

We need to talk. Meet me at the roof top.

I've always dreaded the we need to talk issues. Not after what has been happening between us lately.

"Where are you going? Don't tell me you are skipping lunch to study again" Lexi asked when I didn't turn to the cafeteria entrance door. I smiled and turned. She knew me so well. Weeks ago, months ago even for the whole three years that my life has been a mess, I dare not step foot in the cafeteria if I want a peaceful afternoon.

Then I did all I could to avoid Ryder. All of my free time was spent in the library under the pretense of having to study. It was all a charade, I really need to get away from Ryder before humiliation finds me. Funny how it is the same Ryder I'm skipping lunch to meet.

"Roof top, Ryder wants to meet me"

"Wo—ah" She stopped walking and I was forced to stop walking too and face her.

"You didn't tell me you're taking it to that level yet" she eyed me suspiciously but when she saw my stern face she gave up.

"Okay, fine. What does he want?"

I shrugged. "He didn't say"

"Can you make a guess?"

Seriously! How did I end up with Lexi as my best friend? She asked too many questions at a time. I try to think for a while but ended up with nothing.

"It might be family stuff, I'll fill you in later." The promise made her smile and I almost regret telling her that.

Firstly, I don't know what he wants to talk about and secondly anything could happen. I tried not to think of the possibility of us making out, up there on the rooftop. It's Ryder Saint, Evergreen God, no one would dare say a word if we're caught.

"Alright, text me when you're done and if he hurts you, I'm coming up there to kick his ass." I smile, thanked her before leaving. Lexi has always had my back. She was the only one who wanted to be my friend when I just moved into this town and transferred to Evergreen high. She stood with me during difficult times and now, I have to make her see that Ryder has changed. Towards me at least. Though he's still a little bit of a douchebag sometimes, he will never bully me again.

When I got there,his back was turned and was leaning against the wall. I moved closer to him until we're a few steps apart.

"Ryder," I saw softly.

He took some time before turning to me slowly. His face was gentle and he looked like he's about to break the bad news. "Wha… what happened on Thursday'' he strutters as if he's trying to find the correct word. The news can't be any good, I'm sure of it. The expression on his face gave it away.

No!

Not that. I don't want to discuss that yet.

"In my room" he added. I felt my stomach tie knots as he raised his head to lock eyes with mine.

"I don't know," I say, biting my lips. "We're both lost at the moment, it wasn't supposed to happen. I don't know why I did, I'm sorry" I said, rushing my words. I really want to get this topic over with.

Ryder was silent for a while. He kept staring out of space while moving his feet in an eccentric way.

"Can we just forget it?" I suggested getting irritated by his sudden muteness. He called me out to speak and yet he is not saying anything. "I mean, it's no big deal, we can just pretend it didn't happen and everything would go back to normal" I concluded.

"I wish I could say the same," he says softly.

What?

I felt my mouth open on their own Accord while I stared at him as if he was crazy. The look on his face is entirely different from mine. He continued to stare at me and at one point ran his tongue across his lips. I've never seen Ryder this way.

The look on him now was closer to the one he had on Friday last week. Where all this begins. Thinking about it now, my body ignites as I remember the way his lips fit against mine. How he bite my lips and pulls me closer firmly against his chest. I remember how turned on I felt and how my hopeless vigina begs for his touch.

"I didn't regret it," he continued. " I didn't regret any of it and you know what… if I have to do it again, I will"

Wow

The words are out now. For some minutes I felt like I was robbed of time because my mind couldn't process the word right now. It is now my turn to stare into space and marvel. I look at Ryder like he had lost his mind for some time. My mind travelled to those times he bullied me. He is the reason I despise this city. I nearly changed schools and ran away. He is the reason I always isolate myself. He is the reason why I had no friends. He is the reason why I got the exact opposite of the life I always envisioned.

What is he now saying? I almost thought it was a prank and soon his group of asshole friends would jump out of their hiding corners and Ryder would laugh right at my face telling me I had fallen for his prank and I would run back after getting humiliated. But no. The look on his face tells otherwise. All smugness is gone from his face.

When I find my own voice, it comes out as a whisper.

"I thought you hated me," I said.

He takes a step back and rubs his hand over his head like he was in pain. He closed his eyes for a while before opening the back. When he speaks, his voice is sharp, yet they are soft and calm. Almost soothing.

"I never hated you," he says, taking a step closer. " I never once hated you. Look I know I did some ugly shits and that's because I'm a fool. There is stuff I did that I'm not proud of but" he stops then swallows. " Because I'm unsure of how I felt"

"You made my life hell Ryder" I shouts. Somewhere in the back of my head I heard the school bell ring signifying the end of break. My next class should be starting soon but I don't care if I miss class. "You hated and reminded me every chance you get" my voice is now breaking. I couldn't take it any more.

"That was because I was a fool. I felt the only way to get rid of what I had was by pushing you away" he says.

I nodded my head, no. I can't wrap my head around the fact that Ryder is telling me all of this now. I thought this was just to explain and clear out the issue on why I kissed my stepbrother. Technically stepbrother to be in two weeks. It doesn't matter or does it? It's happening anyways.

"No," I nodded my head. I can't believe him. He can't be serious.

"You don't believe me. That's it." He paused then gripped my face making me face him. "You want the truth and I'm going to give it to you now. I'm saying that I'm fucking attracted to you, Genevieve"

Well…