20

Dieter's POV

The rest of the week was pure bliss.

I've never felt so connected to someone in my entire life. I see why the goddess brought us together.

Crispin saw me in a way no one else has, and he understands me. He makes me laugh and brings out a side of me I didn't know I was capable of having. There are times when I find myself wondering what I did to deserve such goodness in a person. Because that is what he is. Goodness. He is light and joy and it leaks out of him and onto me.

But all good things must come to an end.

"Deder, why do you have some of Daddy's clothes?" Carter asked as he watched me pack.

My plane was leaving tonight.

The week was over. And I had to leave.

"Well, because it smells like him and I want to have it with me," I told him as I moved around the room like it was mine. Though it felt like it now. Crispin sat quietly on the bed watching me. Watching Carter.

Thankfully they were able to smooth things over between them, or at least it seems. Carter still seems apprehensive of Crispin sometimes.

"You go for a long time?" He asked me. Carter seemed just as sad as Crispin.

"Not a long time. Soon, you'll come visit me and meet my family." That seemed to make Carter happy as a giant smile covered his face.

"You have a mommy and daddy?"

"Yes, and a sister, and a grandma and grandpa."

"Wow! Daddy doesn't have a mommy or daddy anymore," Carter said innocently, but my gaze found my way to Crispin as I felt his annoyance through our bond. I wondered why though. He didn't say anything to warrant that kind of reaction.

My mind can only go to one thing...yet again.

It's happened a few times since Carter has been back and since we have marked each other. This thought. But I push it deep down and away. I haven't yet mentioned it to Crispin, afraid that I could be wrong and I could be causing him unwarranted strife.

But it's there.

And once I am home, I'll be able to get the answers that I need.

"Deder, why go?" Carter asked me pulling me from my thoughts.

"Well, you know how your daddy is an alpha?" Carter nods. "I am one too. And that means I have a pack to take care of, just like Daddy. They need me." Carter frowns slightly and sticks out his bottom lip. I guess that didn't suffice. "I will see you very soon. I promise." I lean down and give him a gentle kiss on his forehead and he lets out a sigh.

"Carter, go play in your room for a bit. Please." Crispin spoke, his voice a little rough around the edges. I couldn't help but notice that Carter stiffened at it, but didn't look his way. Maybe they hadn't smoothed things over. Maybe because Carter was talking to me I thought things were better between him and Crispin.

"I'll see you later, Deder." Carter smiled at me. However, I couldn't focus too much on it as jealousy flooded my body. Not from me, but from Crispin as he watched our interaction. It was overwhelming jealousy and anger. It was strange and I pretended to not know what was happening. But it was paralyzing almost.

Carter jumped from the bed not looking or saying anything to Crispin and walked out. I could feel the hurt Crispin felt in our bond. I wish there was a way to fix it for him. But I couldn't. Not until I knew the answers to my questions.

Crispin raised his hand for me to grab and I moved as quickly as I could. I joined him in the bed pulling him into my chest and holding him close.

"Don't leave," Carlisle whined as the words left Crispin's mouth. I wanted nothing more than to stay and hold him close to me. Be by his side always. But there are still things we have to figure out with our packs.

Things that can't be solved in a week. These are people's livelihoods and we can't make decisions based on just our feelings. Unfortunately, as alphas, we have to put that to the side and put our pack first.

"I know, I don't want to," I whispered, reassuring him. "We need to pick a time--"

"Not yet. I don't want to talk about that yet."

I sighed in defeat and slight annoyance. I understood why he was so against talking about it, but it also irked me in a way. I was a planner, I wanted to know and count down the days I would see my mate again. But Crispin was adamant about enjoying the moment and our time together. He didn't want to think about me being gone, which I understood.

"Danielle was right." I gruffed out.

"About?" He asked after a sniffle.

"How it would be impossible to leave you after this week. We should have thought this through more." I sighed. Knowing that once I'm home the only thing that I would be able to think about would be Crispin.

"I don't know how long I'll last without you. I'm scared of what will happen without you here."

I'm worried about that too. Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't have marked each other, knowing that leaving each other afterward so soon would affect the bond. But the way I feel now, and the way I feel about Crispin would make it worthwhile.

"We will figure it out. Together."

Goddess, I hoped we would.

*****

The goodbye was tearful, and long.

There was no easy way of leaving without it being like that either way. I could feel our bond yelling and buzzing the further I walked into the airport. Everything in me was telling to me turn around and go back to our mate. I wanted to. So fucking badly.

I couldn't even enjoy the welcome my pack gave me as I walked through. Though I knew they weren't expecting a smile at least some sort of acknowledgement.

I was too focused on my phone, texting Crispin back and forth. Unable to focus on anything else. I knew deep down it would get worse than this as time went on.

"Welcome back, pooh!" My mom said gripping my attention from my phone. She walked into my office my father behind her and she had a giant smile covering her face. I did miss her.

"Hi, mom." I stood and wrapped my arms around her. She held me close and rubbed my back. My father gave a knowing nod as they both sat across from me.

I had asked to see them as soon as I got back to the pack. There was something that I needed to ask them.

"What can we do for you?" My father asked as I sat back down and my mom did as well.

"I need to know how you knew what your sacrifice was." My mother's happiness faded, and her facade fell. Her true emotions were evident on her face. I knew this would be hard for her. I hated that I had to ask, but I needed to know.

"I can speak." My father looked at my mother with a softness. He knew how much this affected her. It was in these moments I could see the love that they have for each other. The love he has for her.

"No, it's okay." She grabbed my father's hand and squeezed him. She sighed and her eyes met mine.

"We didn't know what it was, and we didn't know for a long time. We didn't have you until five years after we had mated. Which is already strange, especially for an alpha. But I suppose we were just scared of what our sacrifice would be. But it wasn't until we had decided to start when problems started with us." She took a deep, shaky breath. I wanted to tell her to stop talking and I would be fine without it. But she continued.

"It took a long time to get pregnant with you. Very long. But thankfully you were a healthy baby boy. But then Danielle...after you were born we tried and tried. It took years until we conceived. And then when I did, we had so many problems with her. We were scared we were going to lose her."

My mom's eyes were filled with tears, but she powered through.

"Then once she was born, the pack doctor was doing a check-up. I had told her I was feeling pain and she noticed something wrong. Wrong with my ovaries. They were turning black, and--and--she told me they were dead--" She choked a sob and my father rubbed her back.

"I couldn't have anymore. And if I tried it would result in my death. So I had to have them removed." She leaned into my father's arms and I could his eyes glistening. Any talk of sacrifice was a hard topic.

"All that to say, there were signs before we knew what it was."

That's what I was afraid of hearing.

"What was your sacrifice?" I asked my father. I knew they both wanted children, but it mainly affected my mom more than him.

"Is it not obvious? It's this. Your mother crying in my arms every night. Knowing that she will never be fully satisfied in this life. She will always have an aching for more and there is nothing I can do to fix it. That is my sacrifice."

My chest tightened and my fingers itched to do something...it took a few moments but Mom finally sobered up. Her face is puffy but she gave me a soft smile.

"I am so grateful for the two of you that I do have. I love you both very much. And I am blessed to have you." My mom leaned forward grabbed my hand in hers and rubbed her thumb across.

"Why do you ask, pooh?" I sighed and braced myself. I can't believe I even am saying this, to begin with.

"I think I know what my sacrifice is..." My voice trailed. Once I said it, it would become real. A problem that can never be solved.

"I felt it once we marked each other, it was a lot more prevalent. But I saw pieces of it happening before my eyes. Crispin and Carter...their relationship has been changing." I felt my mouth go dry and my body grows anxious. I must be right then. "He's not as patient and understanding with Carter as he was when we first met. Carter seems to tiptoe around him as well. But as time went on Carter and grew closer-- And I could feel jealousy when Crispin watched Carter and I interact. It was strange."

My mom let out a soft gasp and her eyes were filled with sympathy.

"You know what this means?" My father asked. His voice vibrates in my head. I did, but I needed them to say it. I couldn't. Not yet. So I shook my head no.

"From what you've said...it seems to me that your sacrifice is a part of your relationship with Crispin. And his sacrifice is his son, Carter."

Yeah...