32

Crispin's POV

I need to tell him.

But how is the question? I can't just drop a bomb like that on him. Plus what if he gets upset that I kept this from him for so long? We are at a good place. We are communicating better, we are spending time getting to know each other. There's no better time than now...right?

Dieter and I spent a lot of our time in the sparring courts. Me watching, him judging. But now I was pretty immune to the goriness that this pack holds. Which I was pretty proud of myself.

And this past week we've truly grown, as well as I. I have a newfound appreciation and understanding toward Dieter and it shows up every time I see him. Not only that but Dieter is a a big teddy bear. He has become more open about his feelings for me and how he wants our future to look like.

Not only has he changed but I have as well. He has been teaching me how to fight, though I try not to do it too much seeing as I have a child growing inside me. But I've learned a few skills. Things were good between us. As long as we didn't talk about the elephant in the room. But these days it's getting harder and harder.

Rena had told Dieter that she would watch Carter for a few more weeks and then that's it. And the time of Carter's arrival is slowly creeping up. Seeing my son again shouldn't cause this much anxiety but it does. I don't know how I'd react, or how he'd react to seeing me. I don't know what emotions I'd feel when I see him and Dieter talking and I'm left third wheeling.

These are all things I don't want to feel or experience. Not yet.

That makes me incredibly selfish and I recognize that. And I have had to come to terms with such things and be okay with it. But that doesn't make it any easier.

"What's got your attention?" Dieter asked pulling me from my thoughts. He looked down at me with concern and waited for me to speak.

"There's something I need to--"

"Crispin Jafir!"

I stilled in place. Her voice wracked through every nerve ending in my body. Dieter went stiff as well, we both looked at each other knowing that the bubble we had been in would be coming to an end.

I turned slowly and I watched as a very angry Rena and an apologetic Danielle came storming toward us. With Carter in their hands. Anxiety riddled my bones and my heart began to speed up. We had two more weeks...why are they here?

Carter's face was buried into Danielle's neck like he was hiding away from us. Hiding away from me. It didn't take long for them to be right in front of us. Rena crossed her arms as she stared me down with hate in her eyes. Something she's never looked at me like before.

"What are you doing here?" Dieter asked them. I was still too stunned to speak.

"What kind of dumb fucking question is that?" She looked between us but I'm sure Dieter and I's face held confusion. She groaned in annoyance and looked to Danielle who let out a deep sigh.

"You--you--" Danielle stuttered and she looked reluctant to say anything but Rena's anger was greater than it. "You forgot his birthday."

I felt all the air leave my body, a searing, excruciating pain filled my pores and I was left burning. Whatever remainder of bond I had left with my son was now gone.

"That's why I've been calling you nonstop. But then I don't hear from you for two days! And I'm left picking up the pieces!" Rena yelled as Danielle slowly rubbed Carter's back. Who still hadn't taken the time to look at us. "What the fuck is going--"

"Dieter! My friend!" Now that voice I did not recognize but it caught all of our attention. Walking towards us was a beast of a man with a man bun and a smaller man with thick curls right beside him. I also noticed how big his stomach was. I also noticed a little boy trailing behind them, he looked like a carbon copy of the biggest one.

"Tino and I wanted to take a little trip to come see you and meet your mate." My eyes went back to Rena and Danielle who were glaring then back to Koa and Tino who were smiling.

What the fuck was going on?

*****

We all sat in silence staring at each other. We had migrated into the pack house sitting rooms so we were out of the public eye. Carter had run off with a boy now known as Ezra and they were playing away. I got a glimpse of his sweet face but he was gone before I could get a real look.

Dieter and I thought it best we finally sat them down and talked with all of them at the same time. Tell them everything that's going on with Carter and why we have been so MIA. They all sat and listened. I'm sure Danielle and Koa already knew so I guess this was more for Tino and Rena.

Rena's eyes began to water and slowly she was sobbing for me. She quickly apologized saying that if she had known she wouldn't have reacted in such a way. Which I never blamed her for. She her reasons to act like that. I would if I were in her shoes.

So now we sat in silence as we let it all sink in.

"So that's why you forgot his birthday? You couldn't remember it if you even tried?" Rena whispered more to herself but it was so quiet among us that we all heard it.

"I've spent the past few days coming to terms with it. Trust, it has not been easy." I sighed deeply and rubbed my chest to try and ease some of the pain I had been feeling.

"Poor Carter...what are you going to do about him? He can't go on not having a relationship with either of his parents."

"Oh, no it's just me--"

"No, it's not." Dieter interrupted and turned to look at me. I stared confused at him, was there another part of the sacrifice that I didn't recognize?

"I'd be a terrible mate to make you go through this alone. So you won't be. We will go through this together, meaning I'm willing to be at a distance with him and feel the same pain you do."

My mouth went dry and tears dripped down my cheek. Too many thoughts running through my head to even formulate a coherent sentence.

"Wha--what? No, Dieter, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. I lo-- I care about you, about us too much to make you suffer alone. We are mates. We are marked. We are one. Which means your struggle is my struggle. I'd never let you go through that alone."

There was something so beautiful with how he worded it that it caused my heart to jump. For him to think I was worthy of such a hardship is insane to me. Dieter continued to show himself to me in a way that was selfless, and considerate. Those were the two main qualities that he held and it was shown and given to me by him every day...

It was then I realized that this over-appreciation, this thick gratitude wasn't just that. It was more. It was...love.

"Since when did Dieter turn into such a sap?" The voice I now recognize as Tino pulled us from our little bubble and caught our attention.

He was leaning back on the couch with his feet propped up and Koa actively rubbing his thigh. His belly was big and round which I found quite adorable. I wanted to tell him that but I had a feeling he was the type of pregnant to bust out crying if he found out he was big.

"That's so amazing for you two, truly. But that doesn't change the fact that there is a boy out there who has no clue as to what's going on. All he knows is that you don't want him around." Rena looked annoyed and I don't blame her.

"I have an idea," Dieter said and all eyes were on him again. "Feel free to decline, but Koa, you've known I wanted you to be the godfather of my firstborn as I am to yours...." Dieter's voice trailed and Koa watched him intently.

"I understand. And I accept." He nodded and leaned forward to take Dieter's hand and give it a firm shake.

"Rena and Danielle you have been like mothers to him, and so if you accept as well, I think you'd be great godmothers to him."

It took me a moment to understand what Dieter was saying. Asking them to be godparents wouldn't fix anything, but then it clicked. It's not just godparents, it's surrogate parents. I don't know much about Koa personally but I trust Dieter and his judgement.

"So you want us to raise your son?" Danielle asked, she looked skeptical.

"No, not raise. But for him to have people to go to, since we can't be that for him." As the words left his mouth, a familiar sadness settled in Dieter's and I's bond. A sadness that I now have become accustomed to and will have to be for the rest of my life.

"Okay well, I have to think about that. I wasn't planning on moving packs so soon. Danielle and I are still figuring things out." Rena said with a soft smile and I wanted to return it, seeing as it was the first time she had smiled at me in a long time. But I couldn't.

We hadn't asked Danielle and Rena about taking over my pack. Dieter realized too as he went stiff and sighed which immediately caught the attention of his sister.

"Oh no. What else is wrong?" Danielle asked as she wrapped her arm around Rena and pulled her close to her side.

"We can talk about it later." I chimed in. I knew this wasn't the time, and given all the extra information already spewed it would just add fuel to the fire.

"Might as well just say it now. No point in waiting." Danielle scoffed out and she narrowed her eyes at Dieter. I didn't realize until now just how scary this woman could be.

"Fine." Dieter sighed and ran his hand down his face. "Crispin and I wanted to know if you would become the stand-in Alpha of his pack. You'd handle the day-to-day but we would still control a lot of the bigger issues at hand."

Danielle's eyes went wide as well as Rena's. Danielle sat up so quickly that she almost hit her mate in the head. At first, I thought it was a bad reaction but as a blinding smile started to appear I was able to finally relax a little.

"Are you fucking with me? You better not be or I'll rip your throat out." Danielle was on her feet at this point. Her energy changed from excited to apprehensive within seconds.

"No, I am not. This is a real offer if you accept." Dieter stood to his feet and walked to his sister standing firmly in front of her. Danielle looked up at her brother as her eyes began to water.

Goddess, why are we all such emotional animals?

"I accept!" She screamed so loudly that it caused Dieter to lean back for a moment but made Rena laugh as she watched her mate in awe. "Sorry. I mean. I accept. Yes, of course."

Danielle through her arms around Dieter and held onto him tight. Though my mate looked unsure of what to do. Whether or not to continue to be a 'sap' as Tino called him. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back.

"Well isn't this just lovely?" Tino spoke up and it caused a chuckle out of me.

The door swung open and in walked two little people. Dieter and Danielle pulled away from each other and went back to their respective spots as Carter and Ezra tumbled their way through the room.

"This is my daddy and dada!" Ezra said as he held Carter's hand and pulled him to where they were standing in front of Koa and Tino.

Koa leaned forward and Tino tried but gave up all too soon when he realized he wasn't budging.

"Hey, little man. I'm Uncle Koa, but you can call me UK for short." He smiled sweetly at Carter and Carter smiled back. The all too familiar feeling of jealousy came creeping in but I tried my best to push it down. I had no right to be jealous. Not anymore.

"This is your Uncle Tino." He motioned to Tino who also offered him a sweet smile.

"Daddy! Carter has a wolf like me! His is Tatty, mine is different though." Ezra's eyes were lit up bright as he jumped in place. He seemed so excited to introduce his new friend. I prayed to Goddess that he would be someone that Carter could rely on in the future.

"Yes! I heard about your wolf, that you're a special kind. A lycan like me and Ezra. That's very cool."

"It's special?" Carter asked tilting his head to side slightly. I bet his eyes were wide and full of curiosity. That's how he normally looks when he is confused.

"Very special." Tino chimed in. I can only imagine what Carter must look like right now. The only hope I had was that he would look at me. Just once.

"I have two daddies too," Carter spoke, his sweet voice soothing a deep ache in me. And the fact he referred to both Dieter and I as his dads. It's a bittersweet moment truly. Carter then turned around and he had a soft smile on his face but it didn't match his eyes.

He was standing before us in no time. The urge to grab him and hold was all too strong but I don't think he'd even like that. So I resisted. And kept my hands to myself.

"Daddy number one." He pointed to me. "Daddy number two." He pointed to Dieter and he sucked in a breath. I could feel his emotions through our bond. He was aching to reach out to him and hold him. Tell him how much he loved him, but he was resisting it. For me.

If that isn't love...then I don't know what is.

My word got caught in my throat. I wanted to say something to do something but I was paralyzed. With fear and uncertainty.

"Come on let's go play again!" Ezra grabbed Carter's hand and smiled brightly at the boy and began to leave.

But not before stopping in front of Rena and hugging her. The sight tore to pieces. But there's nothing I can do about it. I made my choice. Now I have to live with it. After the boys left Rean leaned forward and grabbed my hands in hers and her eyes were firmly planted on mine.

"Carter will be taken care of. I promise."

________________________________________________________________________________

So, definitely not the conclusion for Carter you were probably hoping for, but this is still great in my opinion. Especially given the circumstances.

I love that Carter and Ezra are besties already. And of course, Koa and Tino being Koa and Tino. I missed them!

As always let me know what you think! I want to hear all your thoughts. Even if you HATE how this happened. LOL. It can't all be rainbows and sunshine people. Makes for very boring books.