33

Dieter's POV

Koa was being serious when he said he was staying all weekend. Not that it surprised me, but he and Tino do this a lot when they come to see me randomly. But it couldn't have happened at a better time. Watching how he and Carter interacted so effortlessly eased a lot of fears that I held.

Crispin and Tino found their way to the kitchen to make us some dinner, and Rena and Danielle were off celebrating the good news. I had no idea where Carter and Ezra were but I knew they were together so that's all that matters.

Koa and I found our way to the backyard and decided to light up some old cigars.

"You sure about your decision?" Koa asked as he sucked in a huge puff of smoke and then blew it out.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I can't put Crispin through that alone." I sighed and took a hit of my cigar as well. That taste of tobacco coated my tongue, and the smoke-filled my mouth and clung to it.

"Man, you're whipped," Koa said which caused a chuckle out of me.

"Tino taught you that word didn't he?" I smirked. Knowing that the word was not in his everyday vocabulary.

"Vincent did. His brother. The first time he said it to me was when he saw how I was doing on Valentino's every request during this pregnancy."

"You do tend to give in to every need of his." I teased him and gave him a smirk. Koa leaned over and lightly pushed my shoulder.

"You'll understand one day. There's no greater joy than seeing the man you love carrying your pups."

Love.

That thought had been ever so present in my mind the past few days. Did I love Crispin? I don't quite know, but am I willing to do anything and everything for him? Yes. Without a question. Did his presence ease my soul in a way that made me feel like a kid again? Yes, he did. Did I spend every waking moment trying my absolute best to try and put a smile on his face? Yes.

But was that love? I don't know...

Perhaps it's also partly because I haven't taken the time to think about it. But now that I am...

"You have that look again," Koa spoke pulling me from my thoughts. He took a puff from his cigar and then set it out.

"What look?"

"That apprehensive look. You only get it when you're trying to convince yourself of something. So what is it?" He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Koa is one of the few people in this life that have been able to read me. Read me in a way that annoyed me because he was always able to tell me what was wrong.

"Love is not something I have fully thought of quite yet." Koa hummed in response already knowing why I had such reservations when it came to that word.

I hate to admit it but the last time I found myself experiencing that emotion toward someone was Alcander. The man that betrayed me and the man that gave me this scar. Perhaps that is why I am unable to fully accept that I do indeed love Crispin. I always knew that the mate bond would have me feel an incredible amount of things towards them. But I never took the time to think or even consider the possibility that I would love my mate, that's also probably because I never thought I'd have one.

"I think I am confusing myself. I care for Crispin deeply. So deeply that it hurts sometimes." I spoke cutting through the silence.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"No."

"I'm going to tell you anyway." He took a deep breath and fully turned to me. There was nothing but pure intentions in his eyes. "I think--I know that you are in love with that man in there. After all the shit you've gone through and you are still here and willing you must love him. I think you're afraid of what will happen if you say it. That he won't reciprocate. But he chose you, over his son. If that's not love, I don't know what is."

Koa was always so wise beyond his years and he had a way of making me realize things about myself that are hidden away. Buried, and pushed into the deepest parts of myself. This is why Koa was my best friend, he understood me in a way that not even Finnick and James could. He just knew.

"You should tell him. Today." I almost scoffed at the suggestion, it all seemed too soon. But when is too soon when it comes to mates? I don't think there is such a thing. Perhaps that is just my fear of talking.

"Enough about me, I must know about baby number two. Is Sloan a tiger?" I changed the subject quickly, no longer finding it necessary to be the center of attention.

"Our baby Sloan is a tiger, indeed. He is growing fast and will be here very soon." Koa's face lit up with pride at the mention of his son or his family in general. Koa was a family man to his core and it poured out of him in waves.

"How is Ezra dealing? He has been an only child for some time now. I can imagine it'll be a change."

"Change for the better. Ezra is very excited to have a brother to play with. Which is why I think he got along with Carter so well. I can tell he is a bit lonely. Only having Vincent and Kona's two-year-old to play with." Koa chuckled lightly. I met that kid once. He is a strange boy...he doesn't do much but sit and stare. Keep to himself. Which doesn't make for a fun playmate.

"I have a bit of an intrusive question." I could feel my cheeks warm up at the thought of asking but I can't help myself.

"Are you asking how we went so long without getting pregnant?" A laugh erupted from my mouth at the fact he was able to read me so quickly. I just nodded as I tried to contain myself.

"Simple. I took it up the ass." My eyes went wide and my mouth hung open. Koa had made it clear to me on multiple occasions that he wouldn't enjoy such things. Even went as far as to tease me about it when I shared that I do.

"What happened to, 'I'm a dominate man and I will not submit, Dieter'?" I mocked him back and his face went bright red.

"Okay, I get it."

"Or how about 'My ass is only for pooping.'"

"Dieter, I know--"

"Or, or 'Tino's ass is too good to waste"

"Alright! I get it!" He huffed in between deep laughs. Now looking back all of these reasons were incredibly ridiculous. But I knew deep down that all he needed was to try it once and his entire world would change.

"Well, that's good to know. I shall consider that."

"Have you not been taking precautions?" Koa's voice took a serious tone as he looked at me. I went stiff and I suppose that was answer enough for him. "I see, well. Your dear Crispin might be pregnant already. And just doesn't know."

"No, there's no way. It's too soon. Plus it could be me that carried it and not him. And I have yet to notice changes in me." My voice was shaky as my mind filled with thoughts of Crispin pregnant. It wasn't a bad thing, I feel if it was any other day I'd be excited but right now...it would be too much too soon.

"It's usually the smaller of the two men that carry for the first few times, then it switches over. Unless a male wolf is mated to a male human then the wolf would carry obviously."

The thought of a wolf mating to a human irked me to my core. It rarely happened...but when it did it caused a shock through a pack. The doom of being found out and being hunted becomes a concern. Plus humans stink, and are loud, annoying, and selfish creatures. But werewolf and human mates are as rare as tiger shifters.

"Well, Crispin isn't pregnant. Not yet at least." I shook my head to try and rid the thoughts of that.

"Doesn't hurt to go to a doctor and check." Koa shrugged. He was right. I'll have to call the pack doctor in the morning and plan a visit. For both of us. Just in case.

"Try to tell Crispin you love him before he ends up pregnant with your child. Don't be like me and blurt it out when your mate is hunched over a toilet throwing up."

Before I could respond the back door swung open and Crispin's scent hit my nose. I turned around to see him leaning against the door frame with an apron on and Tino next to him. I also could see Carter and Ezra already seated at the dining table.

"Dinner is ready," Tino said with one hand on his back and another rubbing his belly. Goddess, this kid was going to be huge if it was any indication of how big Tino was already. But was I going to tell him that? No. I learned my lesson the last time.

Koa and I both got up and walked inside. The smell of pasta and garlic bread hit my nose and my mouth began to water. The kids were at their table and of course, were watching cars as they ate. Then us foru went into the dining room and immediately began stacking our plates with food. I found it slightly amusing that Tino and Crispin's plates were similar in the fact they were full to the brim.

"This looks amazing. Thank you." I leaned over and set a kiss on Crispin's forehead and he smiled gently at me.

"So, what did you boys talk about?"