Chapter 85 : The Painful Truth 2

Karenina

It wasn't really his words that made her stop, but his unusual tone. He sounded... sad, remorseful, even hurt. She had never heard him sound like that before.

He hugged her even tighter, his fingers sinking into her dark brown hair as he wrapped his hands around the back of her skull. "I can't let you go, Karen." The thought of letting her go, of letting her walk away from him, tore his heart apart. Pain like he had never felt before crashed into his chest, squeezing the organ that pumped life's blood through his body.

"Just the thought of letting you go... I can't. It's like there's a stabbing pain in my chest that tells me I'm bleeding, but there's no visible physical wound."

Suddenly, his words took her breath away; after hearing the painful truth in his voice, he finally spoke with some sincerity.

"You know, you're not entirely correct in your assessment of my motives towards you. Yes, I admit that when I first saw you, I only saw a prize, a perfect mate. Even in your condition, you did the impossible and won the mating contest with me. But I knew that I couldn't have you regardless of your victory, and the moment I learned that you had a stronger wolf aura, I knew that I had a chance to have you."

Even though she was surprised by his long explanation, his words still hurt her heart and she started to fight again.

"You're a selfish bastard," she accused, crying, hurt by his confession because she had cared so much for him - so damn much.

When Xavier heard her answer, he could only close his eyes to the truth of her words, which made him hurt for the pain he had caused to the little woman who had meant so much to him in this world.

"Let go of me right now!" She tried to kick him in the shin, but she was only wearing sandals and felt her toes ache as she tried to kick.

"I won't, not until you let me finish!" He adamantly refused.

"I don't need to hear what you have to say!"

"You need to hear it anyway," he said firmly.

Seeing no other choice as she could not get away from Xavier without attacking him with her spiritual light power, she gave up and leaned against him heavily, refusing to acknowledge how soothing it was to be held tightly by him. In fact, she almost hated the way she felt about him, not being able to use her powers against him, but just the thought of causing him pain hurt her. She couldn't do it and she was angry about it.

When she stopped struggling to free herself, he swallowed, forcing himself to say what he had never wanted to say, a truth he had tried to deny even to himself but had failed.

"I began to feel... guilty for what I'd done earlier, for trying to change you against your will. You mean so much to me, Karenina, because I no longer care about your human blood and you as a hybrid." He gritted his teeth. To give his soul to another person was a lot harder than he thought, but for her sake, he would do anything he disliked to make her realize that she was more than just a tool to achieve his goals.

"I accept you as you are. But I cannot bear the thought of losing you to old age, to death. If you accept my mating proposal and remain a hybrid, knowing how warm you are, I cannot bear your absence when your life ends. Having you for a few decades is not enough. Your lifespan is nothing compared to mine, which is a blink of an eye for someone who can live for a long time."

"What... what are you saying?" She whispered, her heart racing at his confession. Was he... Could he admit that he loved her?

As if reading her thoughts, he continued. "I don't know if it's love, because I've never understood my feelings or believed in their existence... but..."

He paused, unable to continue, unable to fully understand his feelings for Karen. This was a first for him, so he struggled to say what he felt - for her.

Though hurt by his insistence on changing her, after he revealed this, Karen knew it wasn't because he felt she was flawed. He was just trying to find a way to keep her by his side as long as he lived. So she believed him when he said he regretted changing her. She forced herself to shake off the fear of her inevitable change and leaned into him, surprised that he would allow her to make this small gesture, to look into his eyes, to really look at him.

Then she recalled all the work he had done for her, adapting to her fear and anxiety about a future with him. All along, the signs of his feelings for her had been there, but she had been blind to them. He has always been there, helping her to control her wolf aura, trying to reassure her when she realizes that any child impregnated by him will have his eyes, his hair color, and his bloodline. He has shown her the physical traits that a mother can pass on to her child. Xavier also took her feelings into consideration, not only at that time but also when she asked him to be friends with her instead of insisting on a sexual relationship. No matter how tempted he was to do what she once unwittingly offered him, he kept his word and did not have sexual relations with her, waiting for her to come to him when she was mentally and emotionally ready.

So she was not the only one lost and confused, and neither was he. She knows he is not used to the feelings she is clearly bringing to him, and he is struggling to understand and accept them. He was confused by his feelings for her and unable to express them.

Then she realizes that in his arms she may have found what she's been looking for, something she desperately fought for with Rylan. Does Xavier love her, but is unable to recognize his feelings? Does she feel the same way about him? He makes her feel things she never felt with him before, not even with Rylan. The feelings Xavier makes her feel are much stronger, raw, and real.

Could this be love, between the two of them?

At that moment, all denial came out of her. But now she didn't want to deny her feelings for him, didn't want to hide from the possibility that she might actually care for him as more than just a friend.

Her face frowned in anguish as she continued to stare at him, seeing the flood of emotion in the depths of his golden yellow eyes.

"Stay with me," she whispered, her hands no longer pushing him away, but holding him tightly. "I'm as confused as you are about my feelings for you. I like you..."

Something flashed behind his eyes, pain, understanding, and hope.

"As long as you want my presence, I will never be far from your side," he promised.

"I'm afraid..." She whispers, not for the first time, not only about her inevitable change but also about her feelings for Xavier.

******

Xavier

Apparently, he understood this, because he pleaded, "Let me take care of you, Karenina. I will keep my promise not to push you, but don't run away from me, from this." He said that he would help her through this process of transformation and explore what they really felt for each other, and she knew and accepted that.

Then he bent down and cupped her cheek in his large palm, and he did so until his breath touched her lips. It was his turn to plead, "Stay with me."

Wordlessly, she nodded her head. As his head came closer, she wondered where her relationship with Xavier was going, and she was determined to find out.

She didn't dodge his movements, knowing that Xavier would give her plenty of time to reject him. Instead, she rose to her feet and met his lips with her own, kissing him with all of the emotion that was bottled up inside of her.