Chapter 84 : The Painful Truth 1

Xavier

Her eyes turned to the man next to her. Xavier was not taking her back to the packhouse as she had expected. Instead, he walked further into the forest before stopping in a small clearing where he had left her moments before.

In silence, she watched him as he reached out for her. She did not flinch when his fingertips brushed her cheekbones in a gentle caress. Her eyes were filled with anxiety, desperation, fear, and most of all... she felt lost.

"I know you're afraid, Karenina," he murmured before putting his hand back to his side.

When he looked at her with his golden yellow eyes, he saw the confusion in her brown eyes and he hated it. He couldn't understand the feelings she caused in him, making him feel uncomfortable in his own body when she wasn't content and happy. Xavier isn't sure when he stopped seeing her as his 'perfect mate' and started seeing her as a real, living person with thoughts and feelings of her own. Never before had he cared for another person the way he did for Karen. She was always on his mind, confusing him, irritating him, arousing his primal urges, but also... his affection.

Most of the time, his heart - the organ that he had previously thought was only there to give him life - reacted in a confusing way to this woman. When she was happy, he was happy, too. When she was sad, he would look for ways to make her feel better. And when she cries - as she is now - his heart clenches in pain at the sight. What has she done with him? Why does he care so much about her feelings? She was just a means to an end, wasn't she? A perfect mate, but after being at her side for the past week, she was so much more than that. How much more, he didn't know, he couldn't understand the strange feelings she had just awakened in him.

"Really?" She asked him, looking at him as if she doubted his sincerity, but still hoped it was true. Shaking her head, her voice choked, she said, "I don't want to be transformed."

"Karenina..." He started, trying to find something to say to ease her fear, but she cut him off.

"I don't understand the power of the wolf aura within me now. It is very different from my spiritual aura. It is ferocious in nature, a powerful force far beyond the comprehension of my spiritual light. I've noticed that my senses have improved from before. I was able to hear perfectly from a distance that normal hybrids could not hear, to see farther, and even to see in the dark. Even my sense of smell was stronger. Everything about me has changed. I'm not... the old me anymore."

He blinked, remembering her saying something like that before. "You're sure you won't recognize yourself if these changes continue." She nodded.

"Even though your body has changed, don't you still think the same way? Act the same way towards everything around you?" he asked.

It was her turn to stare at him before she nodded hesitantly.

"Do you remember when you were young, Karenina? Your body was different then, wasn't it? As time went by, you grew and adapted to it. Isn't that what happened in this case too?"

"I... don't think so..."

But he saw the doubt in her eyes.

While trying to comfort her, he said, "I'll make sure you don't suffer during the transformation, I swear."

*******

Karenina

This was clearly not what she wanted to hear, as her expression turned angry.

"Of course, you'll be there," she snapped. "That is what you want, isn't it? You want me, but not as a hybrid, let alone as a human. As if you would accept a hybrid mate!"

She said it angrily, shouting at him, not really believing what she was accusing him of, her emotions getting the better of her. She wanted to lash out, to scream and anger at the fate that had come upon her. But as she watched him remain silent, as he continued to look serious, Karen knew she was right. All the events of the past week seemed to fall into place in her mind. His interest in her, his insistence that he help her strengthen her wolf aura... it all started when Xavier realized that she might be more than just a hybrid - she was a full-blooded she-wolf.

"You knew this would happen all along..." She whispered, her eyes wide with realization. "You were playing with me... from the beginning, weren't you?" Now that she was looking at him, her voice became fierce, accusatory. "You didn't offer to help me strengthen my wolf aura so that I could heal faster from my wounds, so that I would be stronger to defeat Nathaniel. You wanted to erase some of my human blood from the beginning, didn't you? And make me a complete she-wolf, didn't you!"

When he remained silent in the face of her anger, she growled at him.

"And who would have thought that I'd believe you when you said that you'd always been attracted to me, even before you realized the energy the wolf lord's aura held within me. I am so gullible," she chuckled to herself in mockery. "If that were true, you would have shown interest in me long ago. As if the great Alpha Xavier Westwood could be captivated by a mere hybrid," she sneered the last.

*******

Xavier

He stood up, confused by her verbal attack and knowing that she was mostly right. Not everything she said was true, but he could see that in this state of distress, she was unlikely to listen to anything he had to say. From the look in her eyes, Xavier knew she didn't believe him, and wouldn't even believe him if he said something that contradicted her conclusions.

What was he going to do? Fear crept up his spine as he realized that he might have just lost her. She might never forgive him for his role in trying to force her to change into something she was not.

His fears became real when she spoke next.

She was sobbing, her voice hoarse with emotion as she said, "You're just like him."

Xavier froze when he heard that.

"He also doesn't see me as myself. When he looks at me, all he sees is Carolina. He wishes that I would be like Carolina. Now I understand that you don't see me either. You don't want me as I am, just like Rylan, why am I never good enough?"

Then she turned her back on him and ran away, just wanting to get away from him. As the tears began to cloud her vision, she was still able to see the large obstacle in front of her after only a few steps of running. But there was no time for her to stop and try to get out of the way. She was unable to stop her forward motion, and the obstacle in front of her was too close to avoid, so she crashed into its chest. Her head would have collided with that hard chest had not one of his hands been on her shoulder, breaking the impact.

But instead, he cupped the back of her head, applying enough pressure to force her head sideways and slightly down to rest safely on his chest, and wrapped his arms around her back, pinning her to him.

Her heart was pounding because she had not expected Xavier to appear in front of her, and it took her by surprise for a moment until she felt him hug her tightly. In an instant, she fought back, putting her hands on his chest and trying to break free, punching and wriggling, trying to break his grip on her.

"Stop it, Karenina," he murmured, leaning forward slightly so that he could bury his face in her hair.

"Let me go!"

"I can't," he replied, his voice full of emotion.