Chapter 93 : Not Meant to Be

Rylan

There were many things he wanted to say to Carolina, but he didn't want any strangers to overhear such an intimate conversation, so he kept quiet, both dreading and impatiently waiting for them to arrive at their destination. When the guard tried to take him in a different direction to his own room, he bared his fangs and rudely told the man to mind his own business. He didn't care that he looked inappropriate following a woman to her room, to be locked up together. The gossipers can speculate to their heart's content without caring. They did not care. What mattered was that he was talking to her.

Now, after finally being confined inside her room, his mouth was open but no voice came out. What the hell could he say? He tried to call out to her but stopped before actually saying anything. Before he could understand what was on his mind and voice it, she was ahead of him, and what she said pierced his heart like no other.

Walking behind her, just inches from her back, he said curtly, "Carolina, there's nothing..." he sighed. "We're just friends."

That was a true fact, but not entirely true. He had never made any promises to Karen, except to always protect her, and yet, what he felt for Karen was much more than just a bond of friendship. Just saying those words made it seem like he was betraying Carolina, like an iron fist on his tongue.

Finally, she turned her head towards him, though only slightly by glancing at him out of the corner of her eye for a moment, before once again turning away from him, and staring out the window. That Carolina continued to give her back to him was like another rejection, and it really hurt.

"We both know that's not true. You're speaking out of unfaithfulness just by saying nonsense like that."

A sense of frustration made him tense up.

"How can you say that? Unfaithfulness? I didn't make any promises to Karen! We hugged just because we missed each other. It was just... a difficult situation because she had been missing for so long. If anything, I wouldn't be unfaithful if we were more than just friends!" He almost shouted out that last sentence.

Almost immediately, he wished he could undo it, because those words revealed too much of his thoughts, his inability to forget and move on from the love he felt for the woman before him. He saw how Carolina tensed at his words, wondering if she would tell him - as she had done before in the past - that there was nothing to be expected from the relationship between them. It felt very heavy to hear that she had said those very painful words. However, perhaps he needed her to say it one more time, to once again hammer the nail into his feelings for her.

But in the back of his mind, he wondered if Carolina still loved him. Was he the only one who felt the relentless emotion that was love between them? If the answer was no, did he really want her to say it? Perhaps, those were the words he needed. Maybe then he could finally let go of the feelings he was harboring for her and be with Karen. Or maybe - more likely - he was just deluding himself into thinking that he could stop loving Carolina.

Still, he found himself asking, "Do I really mean nothing to you? After all this time? Do you..." he swallowed before he could continue. "Don't you love me anymore?"

******

Carolina

The air pressure that she had pulled into her body made her rush, gasping soundlessly at the tortured questions that he muttered to her. How should she answer him? It was a foolish act to express how much he still meant to her, not to mention a cruel act to give him false hope that they could continue their relationship as they once had. Feeling angry at the fate that had befallen her, Carolina raised her hands and wrapped them around the windowsill.

"And if I say I still feel that way about you, what then, Rylan?" she whispered hotly, her eyes closed as pain filtered across her face. Turning around quickly, her hair and clothes swirling around her due to her quick movements, she shot him a look with her eyes, unable to continue her fake expression that looked cold and calm. "I'm soulless, dead! Even worse, I had to kill many people just to keep this body. How can we possibly be together if I'm not part of this world?"

Shock widened across his eyes before denial shone brightly in his golden gaze.

"What are you talking about, Carolina? You didn't... You don't kill people!"

She scoffed at his naivety, and even though she had to force the words out and confess her sins, she had to make him understand that what she did to survive was worse than murder.

"Open your eyes for a while and see what's really happening before you. You have seen me absorb many souls in the past. After my dark soul collected them for me and I took what was given, those souls were destroyed. They do not proceed to the next life as they should. I... I killed their very being," she choked on the last word, feeling the pain of that recognition once again tearing through her like a jagged knife.

She was mortified, she dropped her gaze, unable to continue. Dear God, she was a despicable woman. How could she be standing near him? Surely he would turn away from her now in disgust and wish she was really dead.

"What...?" She could hear him mutter, taken aback by what she had just said.

Turning around, she waved a hand at him, unable to bear to keep him company any longer. Now that Rylan knew the full extent of her selfishness. She felt stripped naked in front of his scrutiny, and she couldn't stand it. She was no longer the pure and kind woman she once was, but a strange and perverted version of his former self. Maybe now he'll avoid her like he was supposed to and go back to the woman who was waiting for him - her cousin. Karenina was a much better woman than she used to be.

"Just... leave me."

When strong arms encircled her waist from behind, bringing her to a firm chest, she blinked back tears of confusion.

"Don't," he said harshly behind her. "Don't ask me to leave because I can't. I know it's wrong, but..! Carolina. Because it's you, I don't... I don't care if you kill hundreds, thousands of people. I need you by my side. Maybe that makes me an equally bad person, but I can't completely regret their deaths if it means I get to spend one more moment with you."