33 - Fear of Hiding

Victoria

I grimaced as I hugged Michael. He softly cried as I rubbed soothing circles on his back. It had been two weeks since Michael hit me with his belt, and Antonio still wasn't speaking to him; he wouldn't even sit in the same room as Michael. Who knew such a sweet child could hold a grudge?

At first, I was worried Antonio's behavior would ruin my plans. Instead, it allowed me to act like a loving girlfriend to Michael as I tried to comfort him.

"He'll come around," I said. "He needs more time."

"What if he doesn't? What if he hates me for the rest of his life?"

Believe me, I hope he does.

I sighed and pulled away, managing to fake a look of sympathy.

"Show him that you're changing."

"How?"

"Well," I sighed. "Take him to one of your counseling sessions or anger management classes. Sit down with him and have a serious conversation about what you're doing to change."

"Can't you talk to him?"

I let out a sigh and said, "I tried. He's not convinced."

"I'll take him to my next counseling session."

Michael backed away and slumped down on the couch.

"Hey," I said as I sat next to Michael. "I'm proud of you, and I'm sure Antonio will be proud of you once he sees how far you've come. He needs to see everything you're doing for us, and then he'll forgive you."

Michael took my hand in his.

"Thank you for being so supportive. After everything I've done to you, I don't deserve it. Thank you for giving us another chance. I'm proud of how well you've been doing in couple's therapy."

I smiled at Michael and said, "I want things to be different this time. I know I didn't put effort into our relationship in the past. This time, I'm giving it my all."

Michael smiled and pulled me in for a hug. I was more compliant during Couple's Therapy but kept my guard up. Our therapist could tell I wasn't being vulnerable, but all that mattered to me was that Michael was convinced.

I had finally figured out how I was going to kill Michael. I wanted him to suffer and be humiliated. All I needed to do was get a hold of his car keys and a way to knock him unconscious. Getting his car keys would be the most challenging part; Michael kept his keys hidden from me, so I had to keep working on gaining his trust.

"I love you," Michael said, sounding content.

"I love you too."

We stayed like that for a while before Michael pulled away.

"I want to try talking to Antonio again. Will you help me?"

"Of course," I said with a smile.

Michael and I walked to Antonio's room hand in hand. Antonio had the day off of school for All Saints' Day. I knocked on Antonio's door and could hear his footsteps as he opened it. As soon as his eyes landed on Michael, he went to slam the door shut.

"Antonio," I said in a firm tone, causing Antonio to halt his action. "Daddy wants to talk to you."

Antonio let out a frustrated sigh as he looked down.

"I'll sit with you. Daddy just has some things he wants to say. Can you take a few minutes to hear him out?"

Antonio nodded his head and stepped back. I picked him up in my arms and sat on the loveseat while Michael grabbed a chair from Antonio's table and sat in front of us.

"Antonio," Michael started. "I know you're upset at me for breaking my promise, and I'm sorry. I'm sick in my head, but I promise I'm trying to get better, so I'm seeing a doctor."

"What does the doctor help you with?"

Some tears formed in Michael's eyes. It almost broke my heart to see him so vulnerable. Almost.

"I went through some messed up shit when I was your age. Because of that, I get angry easily. I try controlling what Mommy does, and that's not right. Sometimes she makes me angry, and I hit her. The doctor is helping me stop trying to control Mommy and stop getting so angry. I don't want to hurt Mommy anymore, and I never want to hurt you."

Antonio remained quiet while Michael blinked away the tears. I didn't think Michael was capable of being so open and honest.

"Daddy was thinking you could go with him to his doctor's appointment today to see how he's improving," I said. "You can ask the doctor whatever questions you'd like. What do you say?"

Antonio nodded his head, causing Michael to smile.

"Do you think you can forgive me?" Michael asked.

Antonio shrugged his shoulders and said, "We'll see."

I had to restrain myself from laughing at Antonio's comment. I loved him so much.

Michael

Antonio and I sat in the waiting room. I felt nervous. What questions was Antonio going to ask? What was Dr. Charles' plan for today's session? I knew Antonio hated me; I didn't want him to hate me even more.

"I thought that if you want, we can sign you up for soccer. How does that sound?"

Antonio shrugged his shoulders, causing me to let out a sigh.

"Do you ever play soccer at school?"

"It's called football."

"Well, do you like playing football?"

"I guess. I'm a good goalie."

"Okay. Well, how about I sign you up for football?"

"Okay."

I took a deep breath.

"Michael!" The receptionist called.

I picked Antonio up and walked into Dr. Charle's office.

"Well, hello," Dr. Charles said to Antonio. "You must be Antonio."