Secrets

Matthew Jones

I'm happy – I think you can tell by now, because I can't seem to wipe the wide smile off my face. But so what, who cares? If I could, I would even print a T-shirt to go out in the streets announcing that I am about to fulfill one of my biggest dreams.

After Rachel's death, the only thing going through my mind was that my life was ruined. I couldn't move on, thinking that she had shut down all her biggest dreams because of me. It was unfair. So I wanted to isolate myself from everything and everyone, after all, I didn't deserve to be happy.

But in the midst of all this darkness, a light appeared out of nowhere, almost blinding me. Anastasia. I bet that if I tell her about this she will make a fuss in denial, but, yes. It was all because of her.

If it were not for her insistence and her curious way of always caring about the smallest things in life – even if they have nothing to do with you – I don't think I would have ever seen life from another angle. Well, I’m not the kind of person who believes in coincidences or fate, but there is one thing I cannot deny: we needed to meet.

I don't understand how this theory of people being made for each other works, but I have this feeling with Anastasia. It is as if, for all my faults and flaws, she always found a solution. And vice versa. To express myself better and in a very cheesy way: I found the lid to my pot.

And now, to close with a golden key, I still received this proposal to go to France. Who would have thought that the first place in the championship would bring not only the trophy and a cash reward, but also a plan for the future. Yes, the Breakers' offer is simply irresistible. And it is even better knowing that Anastasia will be with me.

I pushed open the glass door of Rachel's and walked down the hall towards the practice room. After yesterday's victory, I set up a small meeting with the staff here, after all, many of them are going in other directions – some are not even related to dance, like Greg – and it would be good to talk. It was the end of a cycle, after all.

As soon as I set foot in the room, whistling a tune of some sort, I received confused looks, so I interrupted what I was doing and stared at them.

“What is it?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Someone's happy here, isn't he?” Scott smiled mischievously.

“Looks like you had a good night's sleep.” Kaleb said with a small smile on his lips. ;’And you know what I mean.”

“Did he really?” Molly replied, arching her eyebrows suggestively.

“Would you stop?” I rolled my eyes. “I just had a good night's sleep.” I shrugged, approaching the small circle in the center of the room.

“A good night's sleep with who?” Molly smiled broadly, causing everyone to laugh and me to roll my eyes.

“Okay, is everyone here?” I asked impatiently.

Greg looked around.

“No. Ana is missing.”

“And Johnny.” Steph added.

“Hey, didn't you guys come together?” Kaleb asked Steph. “I'm not crazy. I saw you come into the room.”

“Yeah.” Greg nodded. “And his car is parked outside, too.”

“Yeah, we came together.” Steph nodded. “But he got a call and said he had to take it. Then he claimed he was going somewhere and would be right back.”

“He's been acting really strange lately, don't you think?” Molly said thoughtfully.

“There might be something going on in his family that we don't know about…” Greg commented, and we all nodded, reflectively.

“But what about Ana?” Scott asked, making everyone look at me next.

“I don't know anything.” I raised my hands in surrender. “Like I said, I just had a good night's sleep.” I gave a wry smile and received relatively curious looks.

Well, technically, I know what happened.

Yesterday, after the picnic under the moonlight, Anastasia and I enjoyed the evening and ended up entering the early hours of the morning. As we watched the starry sky, I realized that she had fallen asleep, so we went to her apartment. I was even afraid that she would nod off on her bike and fall in the street, so I watched her through the rearview mirror, but as soon as I woke her up to leave, she was awake, lost in her own thoughts. Maybe she is as incredulous as I am that she is going to France.

She insisted that I stay with her, but I know myself well enough to know that the two of us in the same bed today would not work. And since her father was sleeping in the next room, I didn't want to risk it. Anastasia didn't like it much, but after I carried her to bed like a princess, I believe she surrendered. I watched and cuddled her until she fell asleep, when I decided to go home.

Remembering the scene, I couldn't help but smile. She must have lost track of time…

***

John Leblanc

I tucked my jean's jacket into my body and looked back, making sure no one was following me. Not that I'm doing anything wrong, actually, I'm not, I'm just following orders. Literally.

When I arrived at Rachel's earlier today, I was surprised to get a call from Anastasia, but I answered. And I was startled, because as soon as I answered, she started talking. Her request was that I should not alarm her that we were talking, and to meet her at the address in the message she would send as soon as she hung up.

Well, I have seen many movies like this and the main character always dies at the end, but I preferred not to think about it and go after her. Obviously, I had to invent an excuse for Steph, who was with me at the time. Luckily, she didn't suspect.

I stopped in front of the flower shop, the place Anastasia had arranged, and looked around. There was a wooden bench at the entrance of the square in front of the flower shop. And it would be impossible not to recognize the woman sitting on it. I looked both ways and crossed the street, walking towards Anastasia.

As I approached, I noticed that her face was inexpressive, as if she had sunk into thought and no longer knew how to submerge herself, so I sat down beside her on the wooden bench. I stared at a spot in front of me – almost the same spot she was staring at – and stood there waiting.

About ten minutes later, Anastasia let out a long sigh, drawing my attention to herself.

“What did you think of our presentation for the championship?” She asked. At first, I was confused, but I chose to answer her.

“You were amazing.” I stated the obvious. “No wonder you won first place.”

She nodded and looked down at your fingernails.

“We really rocked.”

“I even heard that you have received interesting offers from some dance institutions.” I commented.

“Yeah…” She nodded. “Didn't you?” She looked at me with narrowed eyes. I gave him a small smile and looked straight ahead.

“Yes.” I laughed nasally.

I don't know exactly what Anastasia was getting at in all this, so I preferred to leave out the fact that I had, yes, received offers from major institutions. Including the same as Matthew's, but I rejected them all.

“Did you know that one of the representatives of a major ballet company was there watching us?” She suddenly shot up, making me stare at her.

“Really?” I raised my eyebrow. “Which company?”

“Bolshoi Dance Academy.” She answered.

“The Bolshoi!” My jaw dropped. “My goodness! What an honor…”

“Yes, it is.” She shook her head thoughtfully. “And this representative came to me.”

“Oh, you mean the man in the suit who came after you when you finished your presentation?” I remembered.

“That's right.” She confirmed. “He wants me to join his company.”

“You do?” I widened my eyes. “My God, that's incredible, Ana! And you've already accepted?”

“No, I don’t.” She denied it. “I don't know if I want to go.”

“Why not?” I frowned.

“Although the Bolshoi is the same Ballet Company my mother was part of, its branch in the United States is in New York.” She said with a sigh.

“You must have inherited your mother's gift.” I said, surprised. “But, I don't understand. What's wrong with being in New York?” Suddenly, a bucket of cold water fell on me, making me finally understand why. “Jeez…” I mumbled and watched her nod. “Does Matt know yet?”

“Well…” Anastasia stared at me with narrowed eyes. “I haven't told him yet.”

“You know that in two weeks he will be on his way to France, right?” I asked. She nodded. “And he expects you to come along…” I narrowed my eyes, confused.

“I know that…” She confirmed. “But I don't know what to do.” She sighed. “I've always dreamed of being a part of Juilliard, but after my father had his financial problems, and we had to move here, I let that dream go.” She commented. “Even when we were preparing for the championship, I didn't think about the dance academy applications. I was already happy just to be doing what I love, which is dancing.

“So, what has changed?” I narrowed my eyes at her, who smiled and stared at me.

“I have. I have changed.” She smiled and stared at her hands. “When my mother died, I followed in her ballet footsteps, but I was always afraid that one day I would regret this choice. But when I had to quit ballet because of my father's difficulties, I realized that I didn't just follow in her footsteps. I was doing what I really like.”

“So you're going to New York?” I concluded, staring at her intently. Anastasia took a deep breath and looked at me.

“As much as I was going there to pursue my greatest dream, I wouldn't be entirely dedicated to it, because my heart would be in France, with Matt.” She said simply. “But if I say I won't go, he will stay. And I don't want him to give up his dream for me.” She sighed. “Did you see how happy he was?”

“Yes, but…” I moistened my lips. “You're doing exactly the same thing he would have done.” When she frowned at me, I continued. “You're thinking of giving up your dream so that he can fulfill his. That is also unfair.”

“I know that, but I didn't want to destroy his happiness.” Anastasia sighed, pulling her hair back.

“I think that if you give him priority over your own dream, then he won't be happy.” I gave her a wry smile.

“Do you think so?” She raised her eyebrow.

“I don't think so. I know.” I emphasized. “Look, I was going to carry this story with me to my grave, but I think you deserve to know.”

“What story?” Anastasia looked at me with a certain curiosity.

“Well, no one here knows the whole story, so feel privileged to be the first.” I laughed and stared at the clouds in the sky. “You must surely have heard of the Maxinne Corporation. And, well, it's my father's.” I said at once, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the surprise on Anastasia's face. “Despite what many people think, he is not such a strict person. At least not with his children.” I laughed nasally. “When I came of age and got my license, I said I wanted to pursue a career in dance. I almost killed my father that day.” I ended up laughing as I remembered what an uproar that was. “My father thought that this phase would pass, but it didn't, so we made a deal. He would let me do whatever I wanted for two years, and after that time, I should come back and commit myself to the company, like all my brothers.”

“And how long is that?” She asked, and I stared at her.

“Exactly four months and sixteen days.” I pressed my lips together. “I sound crazy for knowing this, but don't think I'm counting. It's just my father who has been calling me to let me know if I’m ready. Yes, he is the kind of crazy person who tells these things.” I snorted. “What my father doesn't know is that even before I made the proposal to him, I had already given up on dancing.”

“You've given up!” Anastasia was confused.

“Yes, I did.” I nodded. “I realized that dancing was more of a hobby than anything.”

“So why did you insist on the deal?”

“I had a girl…” I laughed in derision at myself. “Who always showed up at parties and family gatherings. She was the daughter of one of my father's best friends and investors. And I was always passionate about her…” I scratched my forehead. “She also seemed to like me back then, but she went on an exchange program in Japan…”

“Wow. How random!” Anastasia laughed blowily.

“Not random.” I shook my head negatively. “Her father forced her because there were Japanese investors he was interested in. That's why he sent her there.” I nodded. “And I confess that when I found out, I wanted to ask my father the same thing, but I didn't have the courage. I never told her how I felt, and I definitely didn't want to be rejected on another continent!” I snorted and Anastasia laughed. “My point is: not always giving up your dreams for someone else is worth it.” I looked her in the eyes. “Even if it's the love of your life, because it's no good loving someone deeply and hating yourself with the same intensity.”

“You're right.” She said with a sigh. “Even if he gets upset, I need to tell him the truth. Tell him how I feel.” She said firmly.

“Well, from the little experience I've had in the saga of bringing you two together, I can see that you are the only one who can treat him any way you want, and he will still, yes, be smiling.” I snorted.

“In the saga of bringing us together?” She narrowed her eyes, sending a shiver through my body. “What are you talking about?”

“It's getting late already, huh?” I laughed nervously, getting to my feet immediately.

“John Leblanc!” She warned, narrowing his eyes.

“Bye, Ana!” I said and started to run away.

“Come back here, now!” Anastasia came after me, making me laugh out loud.

I'll miss all this when I’ll go back home…

***

Anastasia James

I can't believe I ran after Johnny for almost two whole blocks. It was very difficult to reach him with those long legs that take two strides and have already run five meters. Between him and Bethany, I confess that I don't know which of the two can be faster. I am exhausted! And I only managed to catch up with him because I lagged far behind, so he decided to stop running.

After all the running, we just started walking side by side, not saying anything, just enjoying each other's company as we headed to my house. According to Johnny, if we arrived now, and together at Rachel's, we would face an avalanche of questions and would be forced to answer them. I just agreed, after all, I am not so good at keeping a lie. I say something, and then I forget, so… I can't even think about how Johnny managed to keep up the broken leg farce for so long!

Yes. When I finally caught up with him, I started slapping him until he told me the truth about the “getting us together saga”. Only then did I find out that Johnny sensed something different between Matt and me and, by sheer intuition, decided to bring us together. If I had found this out before, I would have thought it was the most clueless thing in the world, but now I thought it was a cute initiative.

If I stop to think about it for a moment, my life has taken so many jumps that I honestly don't even know when everything was perfectly aligned – if it ever was. But the point is that today I am in the middle of the jump. It is as if I was about to move my life onto a new trajectory, but suddenly found myself in slow motion, with two paths to follow.

I confess that my first thought was to run away. I didn't want to have to make the situation clear to Matthew and see him possibly wasting away. Just imagining his state when he learned that his sister had left already hurt me… Imagine knowing that he is in a bad way because of me!

When we stopped in front of the building, I sighed and stared at Johnny. He had his hands inside his jeans pockets and seemed lost in his own thoughts.

“Thank you.” I said, drawing his attention to me.

“For what?” He frowned.

“If you hadn't given me a reality check, I might have made the biggest mistake on earth.” I laughed nasally and stared at the floor, ashamed of my own attitude.

“I did it because I want the welfare, not only of you, but of Matt as well.” He said and smoothed my right arm in a comforting caress. I stared at him and smiled.

“Just please don't say anything to anyone. Least of all to Matt.” I asked. “I'll tell him when the time is right.” I nodded. Johnny opened his mouth to say something, but the sound that came out didn't belong to him.

“What isn't to tell me?” I turned sharply in the direction of the voice and saw Matthew walking slowly toward us. My whole body shivered and my heart suddenly raced.

“M-Matt?” I blinked and glanced in Johnny's direction. “What are you doing here?” I giggled nervously. “I thought you were at Rachel's with the guys.”

“And I thought you would be there too.” He shot back, with a sour smile on his face. “Both of you.” He alternated his gaze between me and Johnny.

I really need to tell Matthew, but I don't know if I'm ready to tell him right now.

“I just…” I thought of some excuse. But before I could say anything, Johnny interrupted me.

“Anastasia has something to say.” As soon as he said this, I stared at him, desperate. Johnny nodded and rested his right hand on my left shoulder. “Certain opportunities only come once. Don't waste them.” He said and turned to Matt. “I'll talk to you later.” He nodded and turned away, going on his way.

I pressed my lips together and faced Matthew, who was already looking at me, with a raised eyebrow, as if waiting for an answer. I took a deep breath and looked around. This is not the best place for a possible discussion.

“Let's go upstairs.” I pointed with my chin toward the building. “My father is working and won't be home until evening, so we have plenty of time to talk.”

Matthew didn't say a word, just nodded and walked behind me in complete silence. As we climbed the several flights of stairs, I tried to think of some ways to tell him the truth without creating all the chaos I had expected. But, unfortunately, no matter how many plans I make, I feel that they will all end up with the same result.

As soon as we reached the door to my apartment, I opened it, gave Matt room to pass, and walked right in, closing the door behind me. He took no more than three steps and turned to me.

“You stayed with Johnny, is that it?” He narrowed his eyes.

“What?” I frowned. “No!” I denied hurriedly. “Why did you think that?”

“Because you two have been acting strange for days.” He said simply. “And today, specifically, you were supposed to be at Rachel's, but you chose to go out together.”

“We didn't go out…” I pressed my lips together.

“Oh, you didn't?” He laughed breathlessly. “Then what were you doing together? Why did he bring you here?”

“I needed some advice, so I asked him to meet me in a nearby square, before we went to Rachel's.” I moistened my lips. “We kind of lost track of time and to avoid fatigue, we decided to just not go anymore.”

“Advice? Advice on what?” Matt questioned. “And why didn't you ask me?”

“Because it has to do with you.” I answered, and I saw a certain amount of astonishment on his face.

“Ana, tell me what's going on.” He said impatiently.

“Why don't you sit down?” I indicated the sofa.

“No, just say it.” He said firmly and clenched his jaw, probably preparing psychologically to receive the bombshell I had to say.

“I-I…” I closed my eyes, trying to gather my courage. “I'm not going to France with you.” I said at once and held my breath, waiting for his outburst.

All I got was a great silence.

I opened my eyes slowly, checking to see if he had really heard me. Matthew was standing there just the same, staring at me blankly. There was no indication that he was angry or hurt by this, so I began to feel stupid about the whole drama.

“Why?” It was all he said. Even his tone of voice was not different, which made me a little worried. All this calmness is strange.

“I got an offer to join the Bolshoi Dance Academy.” I said with a sigh. “Their only branch in the United States is in New York.”

“I see.” He nodded. “And when do you have to go?”

“I don't know.” I shrugged. “I haven't contacted him yet to confirm.”

“You'd better get on it soon. These things usually don’t take forever.” He said simply, making me frown.

“But…” I pressed my lips together. Suddenly I felt a certain fear about the answer he would give to my questioning.

“But?” He encouraged me to continue.

“And you?” I blinked a few times.

“I'm going with you, obviously.” He huffed.

I closed my eyes, trying to keep calm. I knew this was going to happen. And that's why I didn't want to tell him.

“If that's the case, I'd rather not go.”

“What do you mean?” He narrowed his eyes, confused.

I pulled back my hair and started pacing back and forth nervously. He can't be serious… It's his lifelong dream! Is he just going to let it go just because of me? I suddenly stopped walking and turned to him.

“Are you going to give up your greatest dream to come with me to a place where your future is uncertain?” I asked the obvious.

“There are thousands of hip-hop academies out there.” He laughed breathlessly. “And if I don't adapt to any of them, I can open one. I'm already licensed to do that.” He shrugged.

“That's not your dream.” I narrowed my eyes.

“Who's to say it isn't?” He laughed nasally.

“Why would you go to the trouble of participating in a championship and face all its bureaucracy for nothing?” I rebutted. “And don't give me that old crap about not having anything else to do, because it doesn't convince me!”

“That has nothing to do with it.” Matt rolled his eyes. “I can just start life over there and…” I closed my eyes, stopping paying attention to what he was saying.

“Don't you realize how cruel that is?” I stared at him with a raised eyebrow. “To give up your dreams for someone else? What if we didn't work out together? You would have given up your life for me.”

“Okay, but we're working out now, so I don't care about that right now.” He said nonchalantly, causing my jaw to drop.

“That's fine.” I nodded. “So, let's do it differently. Instead of you coming with me to New York, I'll go with you to France.”

“Ana, don't…” He warned me.

“Don’t, what?” I stared at him. “You don't want me to give up my dreams for you? Good, Matt, I don't want you to do that for me either.”

“You're being childish, Anastasia.” He said dryly.

“Childish?” I laughed, incredulously. “We're talking about the future, Matthew. Not what we're going to do next week.”

“Talking like that makes me sound like a bum, who wants nothing to do with his life, but I'm just trying to prioritize this here.” He pointed at me and at him. “We've barely started something, and we're already fighting!” He rubbed his hands over his head. “You know what? I'm leaving.” He sighed. “We can't talk about this now. I just heard about it and my head is spinning, so…”

“Okay, bye.” I interrupted him and didn't even say goodbye, just stomped hard to my room and locked myself in.

I felt a warmth coming over my face and soon tears filled my eyes. As soon as the apartment door opened and closed, I slipped through the wooden door until I was sitting on the floor, and let the tears flow out.

Why is it so hard? I don't want to hurt Matthew, but I don't want to make him give up his dreams either. A sob escaped my lips, but I didn't care. I just let out all the tightness in my heart.