The proposal

John Leblanc

As soon as Matt left the practice room, I took a deep breath, wondering if I had screwed up by bringing Anastasia into the group, but then I realized that I hadn't. He’s the one who is making a mountain out of a molehill and hasn’t realized the great opportunity knocking at the door.

Waking up myself from my daydreams, I heard the roar of an engine and didn't think twice before running to the front of Rachel's. Unfortunately, there was no time to get there and convince Matt to stay, because he had already taken off with his motorcycle.

“Don't worry about him.” I heard Steph say, so I looked away in her direction. She was talking to Ana. “Matt is kind of…” She paused. “Complicated, you know?” She said as picked up her bag from the back of my car.

“Complicated? I think I can list adjectives much heavier than that.” She laughed out loud.

“I'm just being polite.” Steph said, making Ana laugh. “The point is…” She sighed. “Give Matt a chance, okay? He's really nice, it's just…” She stopped her phrase to think about it.

“What?” Ana encouraged her to speak.

Don't say it, Steph. Don't say it. Please.

As if reading my thoughts, Steph looked over Ana’s shoulder, in the direction of Rachel's, and noticed my presence. I didn't say or do anything, but she gave me the slightest smile and turned back to face her.

“Well, it's not always our best day, you know?” She said simply. “Come on. The girls will be here soon.”

As soon as I heard this, I turned on my heels and ran to the practice room. When I entered, I bent down, picked up the stereo that I left on the floor, and carried it to the cabinet in the back, just in time for Steph to appear.

“Oh, how I love walking into this room!” She exclaimed, dropping her bag on the floor, near the mirrors. “Come in, Ana. Let's warm up.”

I looked at Anastasia, who was distracted, typing something on her cell phone, and then at Steph. She was already staring at me, but didn't say anything and quickly turned to the mirror, beginning her stretching sequence. When Ana made mention of turning around as well, I got busy, setting up the stereo.

We have been practicing for months to participate in the dance competition at the end of August, and I still can't believe that we are simply not going to participate anymore. I even understand that Matt has his reasons, but if we won the championship, everything would be solved – and I must admit, we had almost a 100% chance of winning.

And you know what? As soon as he stormed out of the room, my conscience was guilty, because I only invited Ana into the group out of sheer curiosity and provocation. But now, analyzing his reaction, I’m even more suspicious.

What’s wrong with him?

I just fix the sound and take a deep breath, visibly bothered by my disconnected thoughts. Maybe I should talk to Matt, explain that it was stupid, I don't know. But what if… No, forget it. I rubbed my hands over my face and turned to watch the girls dance in front of the mirror.

Ana looked like a real ‘hip-hop’ expert. Sure, her movements still had a certain lightness to them, but I imagine it like an accent. It takes time, but eventually it fades away.

And it was with this thought that I had an idea.

Now I sound like a big hypocrite, but after regretting doing something I knew Matt would hate, I’m thinking again about doing another one of these stupid things. At least this one, I know I won't regret.

As soon as Steph and Anastasia took a break to drink water and talk about choreography, I took the opportunity to put my plan in action.

“You’re amazing together.” I commented, approaching them.

“Of course we are.” Ana smiled.

“That's the way to talk!” Steph slapped Ana's hand, momentarily perplexing me.

“Please, God, not another Steph in my ear.” I pressed my thumb and forefinger to my eyes.

“Fuck you, John.” Steph growled and I ended up laughing.

It's fun to make her mad.

“So… Ana.” I snorted, looking at her intently. “Did you enjoy the dance club yesterday?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Except for the fact that I almost died of my heart with that whole shooting thing…” She looked straight at me and laughed. “I liked it a lot.”

“Did you tell her that too?” Steph stared at me, incredulous. I shrugged. “Unbelievable, John Leblanc. Unbelievable.” She shook her head and walked away, toward his cell phone, which was on top of the back closet.

“You're really kidding, aren't you?” Ana asked, apprehensive.

“Of course it is, girl!” Steph snorted. “The most that happened there were a few punches and some broken bottles, like in all bars. Johnny keeps talking this nonsense to scare people.” She rolled her eyes.

“Sorry if I'm funny.” I put my hand on my chest, smiling mischievously. Steph sneered and concentrated on what she was seeing on her cell phone.

“But why the question, John?” Ana stared at me with a gleam of curiosity in her eyes.

“I only asked to see if there was any possibility of us going back there on Saturday…” I put my hands in my pants pockets and looked at her expectantly. I could feel Steph's gaze weighing on us, but decided to ignore it.

“Do you want me to go out with you guys again?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Yep.” I nodded. “This time it'll be less crowded, so don't worry.”

“Is Steph going?” Ana asked and threatened to turn toward her, but I held her arm, making her keep eye contact with me.

“Yes” I said. Ana stared at me with arched eyebrows. “Everyone, actually.”

“All right, then, I…” The ringing of her cell phone interrupted her. “Wait.” She said, and ran to the phone on top of his purse. As soon as she looked at the display, a surprised smile appeared on her lips. “Steph, I'll be right back.” She warned and ran out of the room.

I stared at the door she had just left and smiled. Sometimes, Anastasia can be quite cute. As soon as I turned around, I met Steph's suspicious eyes, so my smile disappeared. I looked to the side and back at her again.

“What?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Did you just indirectly invite her to the Dance Festival?” Her eyes were half-lidded, but they seemed to scan my insides.

“Maybe.” I tried to imitate his expression, but failed, laughing at her face.

“What are you up to now, Johnny?” Steph sighed and I laughed.

“Why do you think I'm up to something?” I raised my eyebrows, smiling broadly.

“You know very well that the Festival is only for groups that will participate in the championship in August.” Steph crossed her arms below her breasts. “And I don't know if you've forgotten, but we're not taking part anymore.”

“Who says we're not?” I smiled mischievously.

“Matt?” She said the obvious, making me sigh

I walked over to her and held her shoulders, making her pay attention to me.

“Listen, I know he’s still a little out of it, but think about how hard we worked for this. Come on! You more than anyone were looking forward to the championship. Are you just going to give up?”

“You know very well. This isn’t what I want, but we have no choice.” She gave me a little smile, taking my hands away from her. “The choreography was all Matt's doing, and most of the guys gave up when he freaked out.”

“You can choreograph too, and having fewer people helps us.” I argued. “Or have you also forgotten the stress of going over the choreography for everyone?”

Steph looked at me for a while, thinking about it. She knows I'm right, but she’s afraid to risk it. No one wants to get Matt out of his bubble, but I'm honestly tired of it already. If no one wants to show their face, I will.

“I'll talk to him.” I said all at once, analyzing their expressions. Steph frowned. “Yeah!” I shrugged, moving away from her. “I'll try to convince him to come back.”

“Johnny…” She warned. “You know very well that Matt is…”

“Crazy?” I raised my eyebrow. “Yeah, I know.”

“That's not what I meant…” Steph sighed.

“Yes, but I do.” I said firmly. “Come on, Steph! Someone has to wake him up. He can't live in this bubble, eating himself to death. Life goes on!”

“Okay, but what if he doesn't agree?” She emphasized. “Have you ever stopped to think about it? He left here pissed off for so little.” She shook her head negatively.

“I'm obviously not going to go in there and throw a bucket of cold water on him right away, am I? I'm not in the mood for a fight.” I laughed. “First, I'll apologize. Then I'll explain the situation.”

“What if he accepts, but wants she out?” She pointed with her thumb to the door, referring to Anastasia. “You're letting her get her hopes up.”

“Steph, you're creating too many “what ifs.” I rolled my eyes.

“Those are the possibilities.” She shrugged.

“Look, I'll try to convince him first. Then I’ll talk to you, okay?” I said and left the room.

Sometimes Steph can drive me crazy with her know-it-all manner. Obviously, there are possibilities, but that doesn't mean that we have to think of all of them before making a decision.

I walked past Ana, who looked at me with a frown. I nodded and gave her a small smile, continuing on my way. I know exactly where Matt is, and although he left here angry, his temper is like a fire in a straw: it burns, but soon goes out. And with my charm and arguments, I doubt he’ll say no.

***

“No.” He said simply and walked into the room, leaving me standing in the hallway.

I stared at a random point in front of me, thinking about everything I said in the last twenty minutes. Did I say something wrong? No, of course not. I just explained the situation and asked him if he would agree to participate. Matt must be running away from the subject, so I went after him.

“Why not?” I asked, watching him put away the blankets that were on his arms, in the white cupboard.

“Didn't we talk about this half an hour ago at Rachel’s?” He laughed breathlessly. “I told you I'm done dancing, John.”

“Okay, and I got it.” I nodded. “But what's the reason?”

Matt turned on his heels, crossed his arms, and stared at me with narrowed eyes. From the look on his face, I know exactly what he’s thinking. I just hope he doesn't say it, because I'm not going to let it go today.

“You know very well what the reason is, Johnny.” He sighed.

“Do I?” I raised my eyebrows. “As far as I know, you've only been running away from all your responsibilities for six months.” I laughed and saw the exact moment when his muscles tensed.

“What?” Matt was dumbfounded, but I didn't care. I took a deep breath and decided to let out everything that was stuck in my throat.

“Look, I swear I tried to respect your grieving time, but Matthew… is over.” I shook my head negatively. “You have to get over it.”

“Shut up, John. You don't even know what you’re talking about.” He laughed breathlessly.

“I don’t know?” I arched my eyebrows, shocked at the nonsense I was being forced to hear. I put my hands on my waist and started walking back and forth.

I can't believe Matthew is saying this to me. ME. During his darkest hour, the person who was always there for him was me. And it wasn’t to beat in my chest afterward or get a fucking award, it was because I cared about him.

I stopped walking suddenly and stared at him, analyzing his face. The sores on his lower lip and the dark circles under his eyes indicate that he had another bad night’s sleep. I understand that it’s difficult, but he’s the one who is making it all impossible, and someone has to make it stop before there is no way to reverse the situation.

“I know this isn’t cool, so if no one has the guts to say it, I’ll: you’re just fooling yourself, Matt.” I pointed at him. “You gave up one of your biggest dreams to be stuck in a hospital!” I laughed loudly in derision. “You’re not even a doctor! And I know you’re only doing this to ease the guilt you’re feeling, but you want my advice? People die. Nobody has control over that.”

“Keep your voice down, John. The door is open, and they're going to end up…”

“Fuck them! Let them listen!” I shouted. “They better listen and realize that this isn’t my best friend.” I put my hands over my mouth, speaking as loud as I could. “My best friend doesn't make excuses for not doing things, he just does them.” I saw Matt look away so that I wouldn't see him cry, so I sighed, trying to calm myself. “When I met you, the first thing you told me was that there is no such thing as a bad time when you want something. Where is this guy? Did you bury him along with your dreams?” I laughed breathlessly and pulled my hair back, frustrated by his silence. “I'm leaving. You can't save someone who has a mouth and doesn't know how to ask for help.” I said and turned my back, leaving the room without even looking back.

My plans got out of hand, and how angry I’m at Steph now for being right – as usual. I know I have been too hard on Matt, but I hope this will wake him up to reality. Rachel’s death wasn’t his fault, and he needs to understand that, not blame himself.

I just hope this has a positive outcome, because, I'm honestly tired of walking on eggshells with him all the time.