44

Eloise

A month has passed since the death of my dear and amazing grandmother. Those were the worst days of my life, I felt lost and aimless, I felt that nothing else made sense, it was such a sadness that I wanted to die, I barely slept at night and when I slept I woke up crying, a piece was missing of me, something that would never be filled.

But thanks to the love of my life, Julian, and my eternal friends, Olivia and João, the four of us together, we were able to understand that it was for the best, that she was suffering and didn't deserve any of it , and that she was now in a better place. , watching over us.

Julian spent every day and night with me at my house, he insisted that I move with him to his mansion but I still wasn't ready to let go of everything I lived with the woman who took care of me since my existence. I was having trouble sleeping, Julian kept me company all night and wouldn't let me get up to urinate, he often picked me up and walked with me to the bathroom, many times he also crossed the whole city in search of some different food to eat with the intention of pleasing me, little did he know that just looking at him pleased me a lot.

João and Julian also became friends, it was a small dispute over who would spoil me more, but the most desired was the baby, because all they did was thinking about him, and I liked that, but João, as a sensible and intelligent man , decided that II had Julian to take care of me and our son, so he didn't spend as much time with me as he used to. I missed it but I understood it, and besides everything he had assumed a serious relationship for the first time with Larrisa, which surprised me and Olivia because he never showed that he reciprocated the feelings of the girl who had been in love with him since he entered the school.

Olivia had been acting a little strange the last few days, she almost didn't smile or talk about a guy, who was new every week, but that changed in a month, except for Matheus wanting her back at all costs, even reaching the I chased her many times, several times she arrived at my house in tears and just asked me to hug her, she never said what had happened no matter how much I begged her to share her anguish with me that was what friends did, but she just said she was sad, for nothing. I came to suspect that it had something to do with Agnelo, but Julian said that his friend had gone away for a few days.

Julian was more attentive and affectionate with me every day, if that was possible, I was absolutely sure that my love would be a wonderful father. Our sexual routine was more and more constant, I seemed to be insatiable because I felt a wave of desire ignite me every time Julian just looked at me, it got worse when he touched my skin, I was like a volcano about to erupt, but he was also afraid of hurting our little seed and was being cautious about wild sex, even though I begged and told him it wouldn't hurt, he resisted but ended up succumbing every now and then to catching me hard until my legs gave out.

My fiancé was a man full of fire and so he made me, he was the one who addicted my body so I would have to deal with the consequences, but he was as stubborn as he was hot, even on our visits to the hospital to follow the baby's progress, the doctor saying that it didn't hurt the child he insisted on taking care of it, he kept imagining when he was born, Julian would be the most drooling father in the world. Oh but who was I kidding? I would also be the most drooling mother in the universe.

One day when I was at home alone, at the time Julian had gone to solve some problems about one of his properties, despite almost giving up not to leave me alone, I asked him to go and guarantee that I would be fine, he would take the opportunity to fix it my grandma's room, clean it up and keep everything in its rightful place.

I made a bun in my hair and started tidying up. I changed the bed lining and as I was putting everything back in place, my heart ached with her absence, for me she would still have to be there, using her room, keeping me company, suffering tears flowed through my eyes and my throat tied a knot every now and then.

I took a mini ladder and climbed to the top of his wardrobe where they had some dusty boxes, cleaning never hurt, I started sneezing and went down with the boxes in my hands. Out of pure curiosity I opened them one by one and saw several photos of me from when I was little, photos that my grandmother never showed me. They also had pictures of her when she was younger and she'd always been very pretty, there was even one where she was given a sash from miss-sautborg, the town where she was born.

With eyes flooded with tears I opened another box, this one seemed to be newer than the others and had only one envelope. The blood drained from my face when I saw it had my name written in big letters. My heart skipped a beat and my curiosity took over. With a bit of hesitation I opened the letter and the tears that I had been trying to suppress, failing, began to fall.

"Hi my daughter, I knew you would see this letter taking as long as it took, today I found out that I have cancer, breast, I am devastated, but not totally for me, but for you to whom I dedicate all the years of my life.life, you that I love more than anything in the world, you were the light of my life, my joy, the only good thing that ever happened to me But the time has come for you to know your origin, I was selfish I admit, for not having I said what I so wanted to know. I was a coward and didn't have the courage to tell you looking into your eyes what I did, maybe afraid of your rejection and that you didn't love me anymore, you didn't see me as your guardian angel as you always said when it was a small doll. But that doesn't matter now because I'm already gone from this world. A long time ago, a woman came to me saying that she needed to get rid of a child, I didn't understand very well and asked what she was talking about , she needed money and for that she would have to sell her baby, I very much dreamed of being a mother, I never was, I never had children and as soon as I looked into your eyes I wanted you forever, you were the most beautiful child in the world my love, your beautiful red hair and your little green eyes looked at me smiling. Your little hand squeezed my finger when you were only a month old, I bought you my darling. I beg you to forgive me, I know it was wrong, and a lot, nobody buys a child, but I couldn't resist and I would give everything I had to have him with me. I loved you from the beginning and I ask you not to stop loving me. My beautiful woman who will one day be a mother and will understand the meaning of love for a child you have never seen in your life. May you be enlightened and full of peace in every day of your life, I love you more than myself.

-From your grandmother who loves you, Florence."

A wave of dizziness hit me as tears and more tears began to fall mindlessly making my nostrils stuffy until I couldn't breathe properly anymore.

At that moment I felt it in my skin when they said that the truth hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much to know that my real mother sold me like an object, just because I needed money, it also hurt to know that my grandmother hid the painful truth about how I ended up in your life. But nothing in the world would erase the image of an incredible good woman she had for me, I never needed anything, I never missed a family when she did everything to make me feel good and loved.

She gave me everything, including all her days were dedicated to me, when the only time she got a boyfriend, outside when I was already eighteen, that is, she waited for me to become an adult to then try to live, and soon discovered a disease that killed her. I felt so guilty, so bad that I could only hear my sobs through the cold room.

Minutes later I heard the door open downstairs and Julian's voice calling my name, I needed him more than ever at that moment, he was my safe haven and I couldn't stand crying alone there anymore.

"I am here!" I tried to say it louder.

Quickly Julian came to me and as soon as he saw my state he looked at me worried.

"What was my love?" He asked with worried eyes. "What happened?" He insisted when I couldn't answer without tears coming out. I took the letter and gave it to him to read.

"I was bought..." I whispered sitting on the corner of the bed.

"Honey, look at me." Julian asked and I obeyed. "Your grandmother did everything she could for you, she loved you more than life itself, I know, nothing justifies buying a child, but she redeemed herself by doing everything she did. Don't let a fact from years ago destroy the image of pride that you have her. I know it's hard, but try to think that you are and always will be her granddaughter." He said and my heart felt comfortable, as if by magic Julian's words had eased my pain.

"I don't know what my life would be like without you. Seriously, I think I would have already died of sadness if it weren't for you by my side. I love you Julian, I love you more than myself. " I declared feeling my chest burn with love.

"Can you repeat, please?" he said with a mocking look.

"I love you, I love you, I love you a thousand times!" I spoke without hesitation.

"You know, your grandmother is right." He said and I looked at him confused. "About you being the most beautiful thing in the world." He said and kissed me passionately. "I love you, my life. I love you so much." Asserted.