22

olivia

The things I feared most happened. The first was when I saw my baby for the first time and realized how much like an Agnelo Jr he was, so similar that sometimes I was even amazed. Second, he managed to find me in a public place even after years of running from him. Third, he saw my son.

I spent the years so angry with him, with endless hurt over the scene I witnessed the last time I saw him. He tried to call me several times and I always rejected it, I changed the number several times too, I didn't want to keep in touch with him under any circumstances, of course, many times I also wanted to answer and ask him to come to my home take my delay.

My last sex was with him, the only times I felt pleasure, that I knew what it was like to have sex, what else could I remember if it wasn't with him? I moved out of the house when Otto was two years old and he fell down the stairs, I cried more than he did and I was so traumatized by houses that had stairs that I moved to one that had only one floor and was really big.

João stays with me, although he lives more with his girlfriend, the night is when he's not always there, during the day he stays with Otto on the shift he's available for me to work, I'm so attached to my son that he ended up getting addicted in my lap when I was a baby, I didn't go with anyone but me and João, I just haven't been fired yet because it's Salvatore who has to do that, he disappeared from my sight, but I believe he's not a heart of stone knowing that I have a baby to raise.

I've cried so much on the shoulders of my friends, my brother and Eloíse, I've cried with longing, with sadness, I've wanted to tell Agnelo that he was a father, but pride never let him. When he asks about his father, I never made a point of hiding it, I told him what his father is called and I emphasized that he was an idiot, before that I scolded him not to repeat that word, I know how to educate my love very well and every day II surprise myself more.

Today on a visit to Eloíse's house, a strange number called me, as my son was at daycare, maybe it could be something about him, I decided to answer after helping my friend changing her youngest, Pedrinho's, diaper. To my surprise, it was Agnelo, with that hot voice that always gives me goosebumps. I just can't hate him.

I had a little discussion with him on the phone, after all, I hadn't spoken to him in years. But I felt such a deep sadness in her voice, an emptiness, a pain, not like mine, because I have the love of my baby and my friends, but loneliness. Maybe I was wrong in hiding that he had a child, the last time we saw each other it wasn't the right time, he didn't cooperate with anything either, he thought right away that I was pregnant with someone else, as always his thoughts about me these are.

But then I could have told. I felt an ache for him when I heard his voice pleading with me to go find him, and for me to clarify if he was the father of my child. Enough with the hiding, I need to put myself in my position once and for all and put my pride aside, it's been four years, I need to face the truth, telling him that yes, he is my father son.

It's seven o'clock at night, my little boy is sleeping on my lap after having dinner, the TV is on and a picture of children is playing, I already know all the songs that play by heart, life as a mother. I get up and carry him to bed, lay him down and cover him up, it's raining outside and cold. I place several kisses on her cheek and close the bedroom door.

I go back to the living room and João is coming home, on the couch my cell phone vibrates with the number that called me earlier appearing on the screen.

"Hi. Where's the ultimate ninja?" João asks, mentioning the jokes with Otto.

"He's sleeping, today he played a lot, and even a lot." I explain and he smiles. "You will leave?"

"I was going to take Larissa out to dinner. Do you need me to watch the baby?"

"No, it's fine. Have fun!" I have a good excuse to postpone this meeting, I have to stay with my son.

"If you want..." João starts but I don't let him.

"You'll be happy, you've done so much for us. I would never let you cancel your date with your girlfriend." I speak and smile.

"If you need anything, just call me and I'll be right back." I nod and pick up my cell phone, which vibrates non-stop.

"Hey." I speak softly knowing who it is.

"Hey." Agnelo's voice accelerates my heart.

"Hnm... Hi." We're clearly looking like two teenagers with no subject.

"I'm at your disposal, whenever you want I'll come."

"Look, today won't do. I can't leave my son alone."

"I was so looking forward to seeing you... Bring him." Her voice is sad and disappointed.

My conscience weighs and I come to the conclusion that I won't be able to sleep if I don't tell him soon, enough stalling.

"Write down my address." I speak and he smiles in disguise.

"I am on my way." Says euphoric and hangs up the phone.

Okay, the adrenaline has already started to course through my body, I'm anxious and shaking, I bite my bottom lip and run to the bathroom, take a quick five minute shower, brush my teeth, not that I'm creating any expectations , it's just hygiene, after daycare I took Otto to the pet park and we played a lot there.

I put on an ordinary dress, let my hair down, put on some moisturizer and wait. Twenty minutes after the call, the doorbell rings, João has already left and I am alone. Do you know when your heart seems to be deafening you? This is how I feel, like I'm going to have a fit at any moment, it feels like I'm going to have to speak to a crowd, I'm shaking and scared.

I take a deep breath and open the door, and here he is, well groomed with the good smell invading my nostrils, he looks stronger than before, he's a little messy, his beard is a little longer and his hair too, his beauty seems to have increased over time, as soon as he lays eyes on me, he breaks into a wide smile, then takes an attitude that leaves me a little surprised.

He wraps his arms around my body and hugs me tight. Strangely, after years of feeling at home, the phrase that says: time heals everything may not be one hundred percent correct. But I believe that ninety percent of it is, it worked for me, inside Agnelo's arms I can no longer feel the anger I had at him, the hurt maybe not completely, but I no longer feel like killing him and cursing him.

"I've been looking for you for so long! It seems I finally found you, and automatically found myself." He releases me and I see tears in his eyes.

"I..." I'm lost for words. "I, I don't know what to say..." I reveal.

"Are you with someone here? Did you marry Salvatore? Was the child you were expecting really his? There are so many questions..." He exclaims.

"Come, sit here. I'll tell you the whole truth." I take him by the arm and we sit on the couch.

"You are so beautiful!" He talks smiling like a boy. "Almost nothing has changed..." He speaks and raises his hands cautiously to touch my face. "Are you really here? Or am I having yet another drunken dream?" Your question makes me laugh.

"I'm really here. Finally, isn't it?" I answer.

"I have so much to tell you."

"I need to speak first." position.

I take a deep breath, I hold Agnelo's big hands, so, looking into his eyes, I start to speak.

"I never married Salvatore, that day I went to his house and witnessed that horrible scene." I feel angry at the memory and his eyes fill with guilt. "I was pregnant, my then boyfriend was disgusted because he knew it was impossible to be his, considering the fact that I never slept with him, I could never give my body to another man after you, you marked my skin, my life and my body, I hated you as much as I loved you Your words hurt me, you think of the first time I slept with any kind of man, hurt me, and for that reason, out of revenge against you, I decided not to tell you that the child in my womb was yours. To answer your question, yes, Agnelo, you are the father of my child."

The big man in front of me lets go of my hands and breaks down in tears in front of me, I've never seen a man cry like that and the scene breaks my heart, I know it was wrong, but nothing justifies his mistake with me either.

"I missed the chance to be present in my son's development, I missed his birth, I missed his first birthday, all of them so far. I missed the first steps, the first words, the first smile, the first tooth. I missed all of that ..." His words come out along with sobs of pain.

My heart is breaking, the guilt starts to consume me and I can't hold back the tears.

"It's my son. Fuck! Why did you take all this from me?" I close my eyes in regret.

"I know I made a mistake..." I start to speak but I'm interrupted.

"You had no right! Do you know how I wanted to be a father one day? No matter the fucking circumstance, I would do anything for him. Damn it, Olivia!" He rages and when I think about opening my mouth to send him to hell, so he doesn't yell at me because his actions were to blame for this, he starts:

"But don't think I'm going to hate you for it. I never could, I know what I did to you, I understand your reasons. If anyone has to feel hate here, it's you. As much as it pains me to know that I have a son and I lost years of your growth, it also hurts the way I treated you, it hurts me to realize that I threw everything away, that the only one to blame for all of this is me. way, I forgive you, I forgive you for hiding something so important, but only if you also forgive me, forgive me for everything I've done to you, it won't be overnight that you'll forget, but I promise that I'll do everything to give you the real value you deserve. Olivia?"