09

I looked around to see if there were any neighbors snooping around like the lady next door, luckily she wasn't outside, but she was definitely seeing us, I needed to calm that strange and embarrassing situation.

"I think we'd better go inside." She just said and I signaled for him to come in. Treading hard he entered the house.

The moment I closed the door, Julian suddenly pinned me against the door behind me, leaving me within inches of my face, even if he had to duck his head a little to do so. Studying me and burning me with that piercing blue gaze, I felt slightly dizzy at the feel of his warm, pleasant breath against my face.

"I'm not kidding! Who was he?" He growled with a set jaw, I could only concentrate on the heat I was feeling, with my gaze locked on his lips I tried to speak.

"H-his name is Harry Barriere, he arrived today in our class at school, the teacher drew names for pairs to do the work together and my name fell along with his." I explained calmly. I didn't understand that attitude but it wouldn't be good for me to provoke.

"Do you swear to me? Do you swear you're telling the truth?" He said in a thin voice with his face normalizing.

"Yes I swear." I whispered. Automatically my eyes filled with tears, I didn't know why I wanted to cry. I looked away from him so he wouldn't notice.

"I'm sorry! I hurt you, didn't I? I really am a monster. I'm sorry, but I couldn't control myself when I saw you near that boy!" He clenched his fists and backed away from me.

"Hey." I walked over to him and grabbed his sad face. "You're not a monster Julian. You can't be a monster... You're good, I can feel it." I spoke with all sincerity.

"Shh... Don't say things you don't know." He whispered holding my face with both hands. At that moment I staggered, something strong was growing inside me and I couldn't discern what it was.

"Who are you, Julian? I want to know more about you... Please" I said softly.

"No. If you found out, I'm sure you'll never want to see me again. But it won't be necessary because I'm withdrawing from your life, I just came to say goodbye and thank you for welcoming me this morning. I know we've met a short time ago, but it seems to me that I met you in another life." He said and when he would remove his hands from my face, I held them.

"You can trust me, I will never judge you. Tell me, why do you say you are a monster?" I asked him holding his hand to my face.

"I just am. It's my nature, it surprises me I haven't hurt you yet like I did the others." He said it softly but I saw in his eyes that he regretted what he said. I felt a pang of anguish in my chest. Others?

"What others?" I asked. He didn't respond and tried to walk away, I held him back to look at me. "Since you're a monster, I don't mind if you stay a little longer. If you think you're going to ruin my life, I beg you, ruin it for today at least?" Taken by a courage that I didn't know where I got it from, I grabbed his neck getting on tiptoes and did what my body was begging for, I kissed him.

I didn't even know what I was doing, it was my first real kiss. Without hesitation, he held my waist tightly with one hand and with the other he held my hair tightly without pulling. His lips opened and took mine in a fierce, thirsty way, his body seemed to have been craving it from the start as much as mine had.

His lips were warm and soft, very skillful as he took mine like a partner teaching his lady to dance, I was just letting myself be carried away, I was the one who initiated the kiss, but he was the one coordinating the path. I was limp in his arms, totally intoxicated by his touch on my skin and his kiss that aroused me. I felt the blood burn under his skin as I was still in his arms. It was so good, so magical. I went to heaven and came back with that kiss.

If I thought that his voice was incredible, that his beauty was dazzling, that his smile was breathtaking, that the way he managed to wake up my skin with a simple look. The way he kissed was out of this world. And even though I wasn't experienced, I was still willing to bet that a kiss like that, a kiss that complete and

transcendent, it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. That only one person could give it to me, and that was Julian.

And when he pulled away from me, I felt my lips swollen from the truth of the kiss, his were also and very red. He looked right into my eyes, and before he could say a single word, I had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and brought him back to me. I had just tried a drug, willingly, and I was already addicted. I wanted more.

With the rhythm he taught me in the previous kiss, I used it to kiss him again. my hands wander through his soft and black hair, I felt his teeth nibbling my lower lip and his lips make a path from my mouth to my ear, I melted feeling my legs numb and my body on fire, I involuntarily let out a breathless groan when I felt a volume pressing my belly and wet lips on my neck.

"Eloise..." He growled my name softly and walked away from me. "Forgive me."

"Forgive why? I kissed you. Julian, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't get to know each other better, I want to know you better, I want to know your roots, what happened to you to make you this way." I spoke softly so he wouldn't feel pressured.

"You don't fucking understand! My life is hell, I've lived my whole life in hell. I can't bring you with me into the chaos of my life." He replied looking to the side.

"You are the one deciding this. Who knows if you tell me what happened and what is happening, I can help you and understand you?" I tried one more time, I didn't want to see him go. My heart asked him to stay.

"It's already decided. I just came to say goodbye. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, I don't want to ruin that too. And as for the kiss, it was the best I've ever received." He said and an inner fury rose in me.

"How can you say goodbye and keep complimenting me like that? Making me feel special, I liked you Julian, I liked you as soon as I saw you, you really are an idiot. If you want to go, go and don't come having outbreaks of possessiveness with me again. Goodbye!" I exclaimed with tears in my eyes, it was so bad to feel that, I never imagined feeling such a strong and bad tightness in my chest. I went to the door and opened it for him.

"Goodbye." I just said it and that only made me angrier.

"Are you just going to say that?" I asked in a thin voice, my voice came out so hurt that I felt ashamed, I had only known him for two days.

"I came to say goodbye to you and you told me to go now, I'm going." He responded.

"That's the problem. You're going…" I whispered. He didn't even make an effort to try anything.

He just walked through that door and was gone. He didn't want to try, he didn't want to open up, he didn't want me, it was so simple yet so difficult to understand. I who had been an idiot and thought that something could happen between the two of us, I really wanted from the bottom of my heart, it was something I felt, he had a shadow in his eyes, something very bad had happened to him in the past and that still tormented him, but what could I do? Anything. Exactly, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

I looked through the open door and he was really gone.

"Go with God Julian…" I hissed softly.

At that moment, all that was left of Julian in me was the memory of the nice little moments together, the small conversations exchanged, the night I sang him to sleep, how I cleaned his wounds, the way he made me feel, how I managed to wake up my newly built senses, which he unknowingly built inside me. One last tear fell from my eyes and I sighed and wiped it away.

From that moment on, I decided that my life would go back to normal, I would try not to think about Julian, I would try to erase those moments with him. I would go back to being Eloíse Espinoza, grandma Florence's little girl, friend of João and Olivia, a good student and not in love with anyone.

Besides, it was better to suffer now than later.