Chapter 19: Cosplayer and Chunky Monkey
A few years ago, a god was born.
He was a product of the internet. Memehood turned divine.
It started with jokes about timelines going wrong.
When asked where things all went to shit, people pointed at a specific point in history as the first domino in a chain of catastrophes—the death of a gorilla in a zoo somewhere in the United States of America.
“Oog.”
Ramube muttered as he scratched at his family jewels while on the toilet.
This bestial god, born from modern brainrot, was the result of terminally online keyboard monkeys buying into the joke. Memes fed the fire of a ridiculous make-believe truth, giving birth to ‘gorilla doomsday cultists,’ who hid in the corners of the internet, spewing conspiracy theories about the end times to come.
These cultists were his faithful, having conceptualized this gorilla god of cruel, diverging timelines into existence—the constellation Ramube, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures.
“Oog.”
Ramube watched the lively chat in the Constellation Community Server he hosted on his phone as his fellow constellations conversed with one another.
#1Olymp***y:
Banana man, are you here? I recently took a stroll around this place called… ‘Akihabara’? I found a nice gift for our favorite Eastern Warlord~
DemonKingofUnification:
Foul temptress! If this is another one of those crude books of yours, I will have your head!
#1Olymp***y:
Oh, do not be so violent! Not that your puny powder sticks can even scratch the skin off my divine self.
DemonKingofUnification:
Let me test that myself!
Boulder_Masochist:
Demon King, speaking from personal experience, I would advise against opposing a god…
Not all constellations are true gods.
Some ascended as constellations due to their renown in life, benefiting from deep admiration and respect bordering on worship. Others ascended due to their infamy.
While these entities possessed and wielded divine power just as gods did, such examples pale in comparison to true gods.
True gods who receive worship and govern specific conceptual domains.
Primal gods who are aspects of reality personified, and thus, are revered.
Such was the hierarchy of the constellations, or so Ramube realized after becoming the server host to the Constellation Community Server.
“Oog…”
The bestial constellation—part primal god and part ascended—struggled with the act of defecation.
There was no need for a god to shit, of course, yet Ramube remained bound by instincts he had carried from life. The sensation was torturous: the unmistakable certainty that relief was imminent, paired with the equally certain knowledge that it would never come.
The gorilla god could not shit. This realization sent him spiraling into despair.
“OOG!”
Ramube angrily stomped his foot, shattering the tiles on the restroom floor.
The man on the neighboring stall, who had had enough of the noise, slammed against the stall wall.
THUD!
“Keep it down over there, furry! I’m having a crisis over here!”
“Oog?”
“Don’t ‘oog’ me, you stupid furry! I ate a bad taco at Bell’s Tacos earlier today, so I’m not having a good time right now, and I don’t need your hairy ass making chimp noises in the next stall over!”
“Oog.”
“Shut up!”
THUD!
Rude, Ramube thought.
Just as Ramube was about to give up shitting for the day, his mind was suddenly assaulted by a vision of a dark and distant future.
Ramube, the Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures. His divine ability—owing to the specific primal element of reality his domain is associated with—allowed him to glimpse distant, chaotic timelines that could occur. The caveat to this ability, however, was that it could only activate if he died at any point in the future.
This rendered his primary ability nearly useless as a constellation of Fates and Twisted Futures, as constellations like himself were inherently immortal; however, at this moment, his ability activated anyway. Which meant…
A threat to the constellations was very well on its way.
“Oog…!”
“Fuck’s sake, man. Shut up!”
THUD!
“Ow… Fuck. My hand.”
“Oog…”
Ramube sat on his porcelain throne in contemplation.
The image he was shown in that brief moment was one of… a most unfamiliar scene. Rifts cracked open through different realities. And… the same horrifying tentacled creature emerged from every one of them. Instinctively, Ramube could tell this was one creature, and not many, despite it appearing in multiple different places at once.
With a swing of its limbs, space was rended wherever they touched, erasing both material and immaterial. Contracted mortals, regular humans, and constellations alike resisted as best they could, but could do nothing against the otherworldly threat. And… the gorilla perished, protecting a silver-haired constellation in a distant future far, far away.
An otherworldly being stronger than even a primal god. What a terrifying thought.
Ramube would shit himself at this moment had he been capable, but alas…
He must convene with the other constellations in the server and prepare.
Ding.
But before he could leave the toilet stall, his phone rang. A new message from his junior.
The tension he felt disappeared like the wind as he wondered what his junior had sent him.
He unlocked his phone, revealing a home screen with the now familiar female gorilla in captivity, before moving on to the list of his direct messages on Chaos.
%-*x:
Sir Gorilla, tomorrow is finally the day! I have decided to finally contact him! I am very nervous, but I will not let my heart falter!
Ramube tilted his head in confusion for a moment before he realized who his junior was talking about.
A user he had found in a game called Dark Worlds who had published a world in the multiverse gallery that caught his interest. He shared a picture of it with her. After which, she asked for more pictures of his other published worlds.
Ramube wasn’t quite sure why his junior wanted to contact this user, but he was glad she was finally coming out of her shell and talking to someone. She seemed like quite the shy constellation when she first joined the server. She avoided talking in the server’s general chat, so few got to know her.
Ramube had hoped that through this contact, she would make a friend out of this mortal.
Creeeaaak.
After giving her words of support (which was really just him sending her an ‘oog’ in her direct messages along with a thumbs-up emoji), the gorilla constellation left the stall and set his sights on the zoo exit. He had planned to set up a meeting with a few constellations he was close with. Time was not to be wasted.
For added context as to why Ramube was in a zoo in the first place, he came here to ogle at the female gorillas in their enclosures. The zoo staff, assuming he was a furry in a costume, let him wander the zoo like it was the most normal thing in the world to do, while the children he passed pointed and laughed at him.
He would later come to hear from his junior on December 25th that she had spent some time under a wise constellation’s tutelage, unaware that that constellation was in fact Yvell, who had been caught in a misunderstanding of cosmic proportions. Due to a lack of context during communication with his junior that day, he would fail to realize that the constellation he would meet on Christmas Day, Utopic World Builder, was actually a Dark Worlds player who went by the familiar handle of YVELL.
This ‘Utopic World Builder’ constellation would later become one of the key elements in Ramube’s plan to combat the future threat.
“So I have to play teacher to another constellation?... Color me surprised. Well, at least I’ve already got some experience under my belt at this point. Ugh.”
I grunted as I stretched my crooked gamer back.
Today is December 26th. After that crazy meeting I had with a gorilla constellation last night, I found myself tasked with nurturing newborn constellations. Specifically, just one in particular for now. A constellation who went by the username, ‘GREENSPROUT’ in the Constellation Community Server.
“The gorilla didn’t seem to know much about this ‘GREENSPROUT’ constellation other than the facts that they had been born recently, not long after Esphera, and that they also came from the same world.”
Esphera, the Ringed Star Mother. A creation deity of humans. Protective and loving, she defends her children from the beasts, though that had changed a little shortly before I left her world, making her their guardian from the elements (which were really just beasts and the cold) after her faithful learned how to start fires. My first constellation disciple.
When I first met her, I had subconsciously accepted her as the world’s sole governing deity, which is why I told her to think about giving her world a name befitting her ambitions in the first place. But now that there’s another constellation in the mix, that complicates things.
I still don’t know much about constellations for now, but I can only imagine this new constellation to either be a creation deity or one that governs over a specific… aspect. Like a god of water, or something. Or, maybe a god of nature, judging by this constellation’s username.
“Nature… That’s the best guess I have yet. I might need to do a little studying up then. Learn about what things can benefit believers of a nature deity.”
After eating the breakfast I prepared with my high-level NEET skills (the egg was a little burnt, but that’s just fine), I spent the next two hours browsing random trivia-tier information. Any little bit of information might help in the next mentoring session.
“... Rabbits really do fuck a lot, huh? I didn’t know they could repopulate THAT fast and birth THAT many tiny war criminals at a time… Oh, speaking of, I should probably catch up on that VTuber’s stream while I study.”
Just as I was about to look up the VTuber in question–
Knock. Knock.
…
Oh god. It better not be him again.
“Gorilla, sir, is that you?”
“Who are you calling a fucking gorilla?” (Muffled)
“What?”
“Just open the damn door, you bum.” (Muffled)
“I have no clue what you’re saying, but I’m coming over.”
I walked up to the door and flipped up the peephole cover to see who was on the other side.
On the other side of the door… was a cute girl wearing a dark metal gothic lolita outfit, a cloth face mask over her mouth, and several silver ear clips.
… Who the hell is she? Did she come to the wrong unit?
I opened the door ever so slightly, just enough to let my voice through.
“Um. I’m not sure who you are, but I think you’ve got the wrong condo unit.”
“No, dumbass. I’m pretty sure this is the right one. Unit 515. That’s you.”
“Huh?”
Well, yeah, I do live in unit 515, but I’m pretty sure I don’t know any women who dress like this. Or, any woman, period, for that matter… No, I suppose there’s Esphera now? She counts, right?
Whatever the case, she clearly wanted something from me. I just hope this isn’t some weird new method of solicitation.
“So, what do you want? Did the staff downstairs send you to get me to pay my electric bill? I already paid my bill last month, and the next bill hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Fucking hell. YVELL. It’s me, OriOP. You’ve seen my cosplay pics, haven’t you? I bet you even yorked off to them, too, you virgin loser.”
“WHAT–”
I swung open the door in surprise.
Thud!
“AGH! YOU FUCK! Ughh! My nose!”
“O-Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to swing the door that hard.”
“Just let me fucking in, asshole. My nose is bleeding. Your sink’s clean, right? It better be.”
“Of course it is. Just what do you think of me?”
“A loser NEET who spent a hundred hours on creating an 18+ harem modpack for your stupid colony sim game.”
“...”
… Fuck.
“Whatever. I don’t know why you’re here, but come in. I keep the place clean, so don’t you dare bitch about it.”
It’s just one troublesome thing after the next. Can’t a NEET be a NEET in peace? What’s with all these people coming to bother me these days?
I let OriOP in, and she went straight for the bathroom, probably to do something about that nosebleed of hers.
“The cotton balls are in the sink drawer”
“Yeah, thanks, asshole.”
God, this woman is insufferable both online and offline.
“I’ll get you a cold compress.”
A few minutes later, OriOP and I were sitting at the table. She had a cotton ball tucked into one nostril while she held the cold compress I gave her to the bridge of her aching nose. A little blood had seeped into the black mask she was wearing over her mouth.
“So… should I call you Ori here too, or…?”
“... I’m not giving you my real name.”
“Alright, then. Ori it is. So, what are you doing in my condo, and how did you find me?”
“Did you check your DMs?”
“My wh– Oh. Right.”
Right. I completely forgot about my DMs. My mind was too stuck on the gorilla’s request that I wound up forgetting about the new messages I received from them.
“... Fucking idiot.”
“Alright, alright. Let me guess, did Luke send you?”
“Luke?”
“Corv.”
“Oh. Yeah. He did. He was worried that your dumbass might’ve croaked in your little mancave, which… is cleaner than I thought it’d be.”
Figures. That guy was always the worrywart. Wouldn’t think it from the looks alone, but he always pays close attention to his friends.
… I appreciate it.
“I’ll apologize to him later and… I should apologize to you, too. Sorry, Ori. Some things came up, and I couldn’t exactly get a hold of an internet connection where I went, so… yeah.”
“Gross. Why do you act so differently IRL? You seem more like a pussy than you already were on Chaos.”
“Fuck off.”
“That’s better.”
Ori tapped the table with the tip of her long, black, heavily decorated fingernail.
God. I’ve never seen nails that glittery before. Just how much did putting that together all cost?
Then, she met my gaze with her glare, her impatience ever-present.
“So, Vell. Are you going to explain where you fucked off to all this time?”
“Would you believe me if I told you I went on a Christmas Vacation trip with a lover?”
“No.”
“Right.”
I can’t exactly tell her I got kidnapped to another world by a goddess whom I wound up mentoring. What do I do?
“Vell. Your condo unit went missing.”
“...”
… Right. I forgot about that detail, too.
“A whole chunk went and disappeared off the planet. And now it’s suddenly back here, with you in it.”
“...”
“When I asked your neighbor about it, they said they saw a silver-haired woman in a white robe waiting outside your door before the whole damn thing disappeared with her. What the hell happened?”
Oh fuck.
How do I get out of this one?
Just as I was thinking of a way to lie my ass out of this problem, there was knocking at my door.
Knock. Knock.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!
“WAIT! DON’T COME IN!”
“What? What’s happening?”
“Oog.”
It’s too late.
“... Is that… a furry?”
“Oog?”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, asks if he came at a bad time.
