Chapter 35: Gnome in a Diaper
The incident was resolved in one swift move by an angry Esphera. Taking a strangely familiar pose, she thrust her hands forward with a silver jewel tucked between her fingers.
“With this jewel, I summon: Efreet Star-Lancer <<Galaxy Fisher>>!”
Then, a glowing ritual circle appeared under her feet, and a familiar-looking, intimidating silver fire spirit emerged from the circle. It thrust its burning spear forward menacingly—a clear act of intimidation, its “eyes” gleaming with the intent to kill.
FUUUUOOOOSH!!!
Could this be an efreet’s warcry? Its fire roared like a beast that has found its prey.
“No! An efreet?! She must be a shaman!”
“Run! She’ll cook us alive! Run!”
The gnome’s pursuers, who were just about ready to bash his skull in, ran off at the sight of Esphera and her efreet. It appears that they weren’t the only ones who were frightened by the efreet, though, as the gnome Esphera was trying to save froze in place at the efreet’s sudden manifestation.
The gnome’s strangely out-of-place cockiness disappeared with his pursuers, who were now mere specks in the distance. Before the towering figure of the fire spirit, he was just a small creature who could barely stand, no more than one-third the height of a regular man. What could someone so small do before a magical creature so powerful?
The answer?
Shit himself.
Pooooot.
“D-Did you just–”
“I-I can explain!”
“Gross! I can smell it all the way over here!”
“Hm? This scent… It is familiar… Fertilizer?”
“Did he just fucking shit himself?”
“Oog…”
“Goo?”
“Goo indeed, Sylvie. Goo indeed.”
FUUUUOOOOSH!!!
It seems Esphera’s efreet didn’t take kindly to the fact that the gnome repaid her kindness with an unintended fart cloud. It seemed just about ready to lunge at the tiny guy. At the rate things are going, he’s probably going to piss himself in fear, too. So before things could go that way, I called out to the familiar efreet as I approached.
“Fish. Best you calm yourself. It would not be appropriate to kill someone your master went through the effort to save.”
The efreet turned its burning head towards me. Its pair of glowing “eyes” grew wider as a flicker of recognition ran through its “face.” Then, it turned fully and bowed its head in apology. An apology that was likely directed to both Esphera and me.
Fuuuooosh!...
“I know, I know. You were just getting angry on her behalf. There is no need to feel so ashamed.”
“... Ah! My dear child, there is no need for you to bow your head like that! I understand! It is alright!”
Fuuuooosh...
Esphera, now recovered from her confusion, attempted to comfort the dejected fire spirit. The gnome responsible for the whole mess went stiff and passed out on the spot, left standing like a garden gnome. The foul stench he expelled faded with the light in his still-open eyes as the wind blew off his reddish hide cap, revealing a bald head underneath.
Oh. He was hiding a bald spot up there, huh?
A second efreet forcefully emerged from the ritual circle—feminine in form, yet fiery in temperament. This feminine efreet angrily stormed toward the spear-wielding efreet and bonked him on the head with her fist. This threw Esphera into a panic as she tried to calm the new efreet that had suddenly appeared on its own.
“Agni, dear! You must not be so violent in your reproach! Fish knows what he has done wrong!”
Fuuuooosh!
“Yes, yes, I understand! But is this not a bit much? He is clearly repenting for his mistake!”
Fuuuooosh…
I watched as the ritual circle gradually dimmed and disappeared into sparkles of light, leaving behind the two efreets who chose to remain in the physical world. Ah… I can already feel that tonight is going to be quite the long one.
“Oh, I’m sorry for my… unsightly display. My name is Tumble. As you can see, I am a gnome. I must thank you for your kindness and… um… grace, to still allow me to stand before you after that… gaseous insult.”
Tumble the gnome lowered his head in shame.
After soiling himself in front of us, we had him change out of his… well, you probably get the picture. We didn’t exactly have any spare clothes that could fit the dirty guy, so after he washed off his… filth at a nearby river, we had him wear one of the diapers Ramube got for Sylvariel.
Unsurprisingly, it made for quite the comedic sight: a full-grown adult no bigger than a toddler, head bowed in shame, bare feet on the ground, and wearing a baby’s diaper (not even an adult one). If he threw off his hide top and cap and put on a baby bib instead, he would probably look like a thirty-year-old baby.
I feel like I’ve seen something like this in a Japanese game about fictional criminal organizations in Kabukicho, but I might get into trouble if I say where.
“Do not worry yourself too much. You must have been quite surprised. My efreet is, after all, much larger than most.”
“Truly. I did not expect to find such a skilled shaman coming to my rescue, nor for that shaman to be a woman as well.”
Ori suddenly interjected.
“Huh? Are female shamans rare?”
“Of course they are, girly! Except for the leader of the first missionaries sent forth from the plains by our revered Esphera herself, most shamans are able-bodied men who join in hunts and serve night guard duty. They seek out their own summoning stones during foraging trips, carving the jewels so they can channel their connection to the spirit world and summon their own efreets through those gems!”
“... Oi, did you just call me girly? Do you want me to pummel you to death?”
“My, what a feisty girly you are! And strangely dressed too! You’ll never find yourself a man with an attitude like that!”
“... Miss Constellation, would you grant me permission to kill one of your believers?”
“Please forgive him. He still does not know better.”
Esphera bowed her head apologetically, with one hand grasping Tumble’s head with an iron grip, forcing him to bow along with her. The scene would have reminded me of a parent forcing their child to apologize to a classmate in the principal’s office—if not for the small detail that Tumble was still wearing that diaper. Guess she can be strict with her worshippers, too.
Though that one detail Tumble just mentioned drew my interest.
[Esphera. That “jewel” you just used, and what Tumble just said…]
[Ah. I suppose I had not explained that yet to you, Lord Yvell. I apologize. This is one of the recent discoveries my worshippers had made in the field of magic.]
Esphera briefly explained that one of her followers had randomly discovered the ability to summon spirits using stones embedded with mana some time ago. This came about while said follower was carving shapes into shiny stones as a hobby.
They had once carved a ritual magic circle onto a jewel as a gift for their shaman father—only to summon their own efreet accidentally. This was likely caused by the existing mana connection between the contractor and their efreet in the spirit world (afterlife) being triggered by the mana flowing through the decorated jewel.
These summoning stones aren’t exactly replacements for ritual summoning magic yet, however. It appears that they only work with shamans who have already contracted with efreets in the past. Without a contract with an efreet, these mana-embedded stones are nothing but fancy-looking jewels. Not that they’re without value even without such a contract. People like shiny things, after all.
Talk about this new development in magic can be saved for later, though. Our priority for now should be the diaper-wearing gnome in front of us.
“Tumble. I am curious as to how you found yourself in such a strangely violent predicament.”
“Oh, it’s awful, what happened! The townsfolk have always been cold to us gnomes, but today has been especially bad!”
Tumble then went on to explain how gnomes were treated in Starfell, and how tensions had been on the rise since Star Priest Snide started performing his sermons.
Gnomes in Starfell have always been an anomaly. The first generation of gnomes was said to have been born from human mothers, coming along around the time of the first settlers of Starfell (during Agni’s time). There are still some such cases today, but most are born to gnome women, which isn’t surprising considering what we had recently learned from Esphera.
Though they were treated with caution, for a long time, they were thought to have only been born small as a result of some strange disease. Their small statures made it hard for them to contribute to daily labor, and they ate more than typical humans, so sentiment towards the gnomes grew less positive with time as the settlement experienced the occasional crisis over the ages, such as in times of food shortages.
Eventually, relations grew so troubled that the gnomes decided to leave Starfell to settle somewhere else nearby, in the forests east of the town. Since they were small, burrowing into the ground to make shelter became common practice rather quickly. They grew more clever with their survival strategies with time, learning to barter with Starfell’s townfolk using gems they found underground.
This new reputation as gem-finders eventually led to them being called “Gnomes,” which in turn led to the gnomes naming their newfound home as “Gnomewood,” though the latter doesn’t seem well known to the townsfolk. This newfound identity they’ve forged earned them some degree of respect among the people of Starfell. However, it appears that things have been gradually changing for the worse.
Snide’s glib tongue has recently been hard at work, convincing the townspeople that they were a sacred group. That they were a cut above the plainsfolk, whom those who settled beyond the plains would envy from time to time, due to them enjoying the unlimited bounties of the Evergreen Plain, while they struggled in the wilds.
The atmosphere around the town has been strange since. Many young men would become particularly irritated in the presence of Plains tribesmen who came to barter. So much so that fights would break out from time to time. For that reason, fewer Plains tribesmen have come to visit in recent times.
This wasn’t a particularly good situation for everyone involved. The tribesmen of the plains often required tools made by the excellent crafters of those outside their homeland. Starfell benefited from the food trade with the plains tribes, whereas the gnomes depended on trade with them to survive. This naturally demanded some investigation, which led to Tumble being elected by the gnomefolk to find out what was going on in the town.
“And… that eventually led you to being chased out of town by the townsfolk, is that correct?”
“Yes, that is correct! Those two gave me quite the chase, I must say. I had planned to taunt them further—to dull their already lacking mental faculties and create an opening for my escape. However, I happened upon your group instead, and the rest you already know.”
Tumble nodded to himself with his arms folded as if affirming his own recollection of the events that led him here.
“That is awful. To think that my children… No, to think that they would be so capable of something so cruel.”
“Oh, you have quite the kind heart, Miss Shaman. I wish more thought as you did.”
“Large differences can create quite the divide in society, I see. Perhaps I should take notes.”
Graille, if somebody on XYZ heard you say that, your phone might just burn up from the sheer amount of angry DMs you’d get. Then again, you’re not exactly wrong there.
A functioning society needs some degree of cohesion—shared language, beliefs, culture, or something else to bind it together. When these unifying elements are stripped away one by one, social stability begins to erode, gradually breaking apart the existing social framework. This pattern can be seen in a number of modern countries today.
In Starfell’s case, this culminated in an unforced yet necessary separation, with the gnome faction drifting away from the town and into what would become Gnomewood. If this were a colony sim, I’d likely be flooded with notifications reading, “X colonist is unhappy and has decided to leave the colony for somewhere better.”
“... This seems to be a much bigger problem than I thought.”
“What do you mean, Lord Yvell?”
“I cannot yet say what these events might lead to. Perhaps we might need to learn a little more about our gnome friends, first.”
“Oh! Curious about us, are you? I can take you to Gnomewood if you’d like. Show you around and all. Not much to see there, but you might find a lot of interesting stuff.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ohohoho! While Gnomewood isn’t quite known as a place well-suited for foraging food, it is home to plenty of unique and mysterious herbs and jewels just hiding in the dirt. You’ll find the plant life there very different from everywhere else!”
“Hm.”
Jewels and unique plant life… Could this be another byproduct of being within proximity of that strange meteor? I guess we’ll have to find out.
“I would appreciate it if you could take us there, Tumble.”
“Splendid! Then, please allow me to return to Gnomewood to inform my brethren of your visit. We will prepare a wonderful feast for you when you arrive, as thanks for saving me. I will come back to your camp the next morning to lead you to my home then.”
“Sounds good.”
And so, Tumble left, walking back the way he had come, still wearing the diaper he had put on. The prominent glow of the teddy bear print on his rear gradually faded as his figure disappeared into the distance.
“... You bought glow-in-the-dark ones?”
“Oog.” (Thumbs-up)
“I didn’t even know that was a thing.”
“Goo.”
“Goo indeed, Sylvie. Goo indeed.”
