Chapter 36: WcDonnie's Chicken WcNuggies
In the dark of night, two figures—one small, the other even smaller—conversed beside a campfire as a pot of stew bubbled, still slightly undercooked.
“Say, Ruger, what do you think happened to the gnomes?”
“What brought this question on so suddenly, Priestess?”
Runoa closed the book in her hands, prompting a wave of dust to burst forth into the air. She put the book down and wiped her tired eyes before responding to her friend’s question.
“I find it so strange. Their mention in ancient texts is sparse. You would think an intelligent species of humanoids just like us humans and dwarves would leave larger and more plentiful traces before gracefully making their exit from history.”
“... That is rather curious, I must admit. There is so little known about the gnomefolk and where they went that it raises the question whether they truly existed or not.”
Ruger scratched the top of his head as he pondered alongside the pink-haired priestess.
“Maybe they are just in hiding somewhere? I hear that they were even smaller than we dwarves, who often stand half the height of the average human. Perhaps they made refuge somewhere deep underground?”
“Silly Ruger. Only dwarves and dark elves would think to settle beneath the earth. What benefit would that bring the gnomes? If ancient texts are to be believed, they were a far weaker people than dwarves, so would they be so capable of building complicated underground settlements to shelter their kin?”
“You raise a good point, Priestess. It takes a lot of muscle, if not magic, to carve out the earth to create a home underground. And it seemed the gnomes had little of either. Ah. The food is ready.”
Ruger pulled out wooden bowls and wooden spoons from his pack and handed one of each to Runoa.
The mere scent of the stew drew a loud, unladylike noise to erupt from the priestess’s belly. Her cheeks grew red in embarrassment as she pulled her head down and accepted the bowl and spoon.
Perhaps out of consideration, Ruger directed his gaze elsewhere and pushed the conversation forward, avoiding mention of her stomach’s cries to be sated.
The two began to scoop the contents of the pot. Still piping hot, they blew at their bowls in sync to cool them down. Before long, the conversation resumed.
“What I do find especially curious about the gnomes is the fact that they seemed to have existed in Starfell for as far back as the era of the first settlers. Were they already there when the first female chieftain arrived with her people?”
“That is a topic often debated at the Azure Tower. Though they are mages, I wonder what drives them to research history in such depth when most mages are concerned with their own magical histories rather than the history of others?”
“...”
“Priestess?”
Runoa stared intently at her dwarven friend’s face. Brown skin. A wide head. A round and thick nose. Black, curly hair. An appearance she had grown quite familiar with over the years.
Though the two had practically grown up together, sharing many moments, she had never given much thought to his appearance. Even if he was different from her in many ways, it always felt natural to stand beside him, though other humans often thought differently of him. Especially the students from Starfell, who seemed to obsess over height.
“... You really are short, aren’t you, Ruger?”
“... I do not see why you are suddenly bringing that up now, Priestess.”
“Hehe. It’s just… I always thought you were small, but it just dawned on me that you were this short, that’s all.”
“It took you THIS long to realize that?”
Ding.
“Mhm?”
“What’s wrong, Priestess?”
“I… I-I just received word from my patron deity!”
“YOU WHAT?!?”
The Constellation, ◇◇◇◇◇◇◇ of Fates and Twisted Futures, says that you will find clues to your sister soon. But first, you must answer the call of the Ringed Star Mother. She waits for you at the top of the mountain.
Runoa frantically read through the contents of the divine message she had received in the form of floating text on a transparent screen.
“Priestess, I do not see this… ‘transparent tablet’ at all. And… is it fine for you to be reading a divine message meant for you and you alone out loud?”
“... Oh. Oh no! Will I receive divine punishment for this? Oh, please, God of Fates and Twisted Futures, forgive me for my insolence!”
Ding.
The Constellation, ◇◇◇◇◇◇◇ of Fates and Twisted Futures, says that you will not be punished. He also adds that an escort has been sent to pick you up.
“An… escort?”
Then, there was rustling in the bushes. Surprised and on edge, the priestess and the dwarf dropped their bowls and immediately reached for their weapons. The priestess, her staff, and the dwarf, his axe.
A beat later, a person emerged from the bushes. A familiar face.
“Bone Eater, sir?”
Their savior, whom they had met a few days ago.
Since their first encounter, the pair had met with him quite frequently.
The two had requested him to guide them to the mountain hiding an ancient shrine countless times, but he refused each time, stating that he did not have the authority to decide to bring outsiders to such a sacred place. They tried asking him to bring them to someone who did have the authority, but he also refused that request.
So, the pair instead decided to search for the specific mountain among the Deepgreen Peaks themselves, ignoring the warnings of the various tribes of the plains. They spent days searching for the mountain, but have yet to find it. Yet, here they now find themselves reuniting with their savior, Bone Eater, once more. This time, in a location far away from his village.
“What are you doing here, sir?”
Bone Eater responded with a friendly smile.
“Why else? To inform you that you have been granted permission to enter the Spirit Shrine.”
“You… what?”
“Huh?”
Bone Eater then turned his back towards the two and gestured for them to follow him.
“Come on. We mustn’t keep the Goddess waiting.”
“Tumble wasn’t kidding. This place looks like something straight out of the Alvatore.”
“Which one? The blue monkey aliens or the bald kid with the arrow stamped on his head?”
“Oog?”
“Oh. We weren’t talking about you, Gorilla, sir.”
The forest near Starfell… “Gnomewood,” they called it? It was a truly alien-looking place. Made me think for a second that I was on another planet entirely… Oh wait.
Anyway, the forest was basically covered in all sorts of strangely colored and weirdly shaped fauna.
Blue. Purple. Red. Big, small, fucking oblongs and stuff. Shapes and forms you normally wouldn’t see in nature were all here, crammed into this fairly-sized woodland.
“... Are we sure we didn’t step into the set of a sci-fi movie or something? This looks… too weird. Even for a fantasy world.”
“I feel uncomfortable here… The plants here are not natural in the slightest!”
Surprisingly, Graille, a nature goddess, felt strange upon entering this alien-looking place. Maybe there’s more to this place than just the otherworldly aesthetic?
“Indeed! When we gnomes first settled here, we were as taken aback as you lot. Animals steer clear of this place, and the forest is teeming with all sorts of useful herbs for wounds and illnesses!”
“... Intriguing.”
We might want to give this place a closer look after all. There’s clearly something special about this place that warrants even a constellation’s close attention.
“Here we are. Home sweet home!”
“This is where you live…?”
“... This time, are we sure we didn’t wander into the movie set for Lord of all Kings?”
“I’m pretty sure…”
How do I even put this…?
It seems that the gnomes have made for themselves homes out of small mounds on the earth. If it weren’t for the strange trees and plants all around the place, I would have thought we were visiting a bobbit’s house, too.
However, these were clearly gnomish settlements. Gnomes were crawling in and out of them, after all. And none of them had big, hairy feet.
Not to mention…
“... They look quite emaciated. Have they not been eating well?”
“Oog…”
“Snide said they were big eaters, yet it seems that they do not eat much at all, do they?”
While not every gnome was badly emaciated, many gnomes were. They looked like walking toddler zombies with beards. Just about the stuff of nightmares.
“Everyone! We have arrived! It is time we make merry and feast!”
“Food! Food! Food!”
“Hurrah! Bring out the boar meat!”
And so, the feast began. But not without issues.
This shouldn’t be so much of a surprise by now, but seeing as many of the gnomes themselves were quite emaciated, that just meant they didn’t have much to eat to begin with. Surely enough, when they brought out the food…
“There’s only this much? This isn’t a lot…”
“I would feel particularly guilty if I partake in this feast. I would like to pass for now…”
“Would it not be wiser if you all ate these yourselves?”
“No, no! It is fine! Come now, my dear benefactors, we prepared this feast just for you!”
“Yes, as Tumble says! Please! Feel free to indulge yourselves!”
“... Mom, I’m hungry…”
“Not now, sweetie.”
This is a “feast?”
This is barely half a boar’s worth of cooked meat, and it doesn’t look all that appealing. There isn’t enough to feed our party of five (not counting the vegan high elf baby, Sylvariel, who’ll be drinking her share of apple-blend-in-a-bottle). And there’s not nearly enough for the gnomes around us, who were supposed to join the feast, too.
I feel like eating all this in front of a group of malnourished gnomes would be its own kind of moral crime…
“Oog.”
Poke. Poke.
I felt a thick finger prodding at my back. When I turned around, I saw Ramube making this really concerned face. Or at least, that’s what I thought it was.
I still struggled with reading gorilla facial expressions.
“Yeah? Need something?”
“Oog.”
The Constellation, Gorilla of Fates and Twisted Futures, suggests that we go out and order some food.
I tilted my head in light confusion.
“... Hm?”
“Oog.”
“Huh? You want my help, too?” ← Esphera
Ding-a-ling-a-ling~
“Welcome to WcDonnie’s! May I take your order?”
“Of course. Ah, sir Gorilla, you said you were paying for everyone, right?”
“Oog.” (Thumbs-up)
“Oh, you have a membership card? Let’s use that. So, we’ll have two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, two number forty-fives, one with cheese, and a large soda…”
In a surprising turn of events, we decided to put a hold on the feast for now.
Why, you might ask?
Because we felt too bad for the gnomes.
“Oog. Oog.”
“Ah. Ori will probably want a mint fudge sundae. She’s into that weird stuff. Miss Cashier, we also want to get a mint fudge sundae.
Esphera used her powers over time to pause everything that was going on in her world for the moment. Then the four of us (yes, four), Graille included, warped to a WcDonnie’s on Earth to order food for ourselves and the gnomes.
Though our group was a bit unconventional, we (Ramube included) lined up like everyone else. A few glances came our way, but I paid them no mind.
“They do not have matcha shakes here?”
“Unfortunately not, Graille. This is a WcDonnie’s after all. Not like that cafe we went to.”
“Oh…”
The reason why only the four of us came was simple.
When Esphera paused time in her own world, almost everything not divine—or connected to the divine—halted as well. The few exceptions were constellations and spirits. Bṳ̸͖̭͓̥͙̮̣̺̺̩̙͓̪͎̾̄̇̈́͌̌̽́͆̀̏̾̌͝͝t…
“...”
“Is there something wrong, Lord Yvell?”
For some reason, while Ori and Sylvariel, the high elf baby, were frozen in time by Esphera’s power, I wä̷̡̪́̽̅͗̓͋͝sn’t. Because of that, we had to leave the two behind, tucking baby Sylvie into Ori’s time-frozen arms.
“...”
“Lord Yvell? You look… pale.”
“... I was just thinking about something for a moment. I apologize if I worried you, Esphera.”
“As long as you are doing fine, Lord Yvell. Now, what were we going to get for the gnomes?”
“How about we just get them kiddy meals? They will probably love the taste of WcNuggets.”
… I should stop thinking about this. I’m stą̶͎͚͇̜̒̆̂̆̑͛rting to feel sỉ̴̢̛̛̗̥̱̤͇̦͂̎̈́̒͂̅̄͑͠͝ͅck.
I should just focus on getting the gnomes something to eat.
I hope they like the taste of chicken. We’ll probably need to get them lots of gravy, too.
“Should we not get the gnomes something healthier?”
“It is for the best if we do not take too much of our time searching for healthier options, Graille. We still do not know the exact temporal disparity between dimensions, nor do we know how long Esphera can keep time paused with the divine power she wields now. Fast food is our best option at the moment.”
“I see…”
“That, and I think the gnomes would appreciate a little artificial flavoring on their taste buds.”
“Huh?”
“Who wouldn’t enjoy the taste of good ol’ oily American junk food?”
“This is…”
“Yeah?”
“THIS FOOD TASTES AMAZING, MY BENEFACTORS! I have never eaten anything this delicious in my life! This saltiness… This sweetness! The flavor runs down my tongue, while the meat is soft and easy to chew! None of that gamy taste to it at all!”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying the food.”
The whole gnomish settlement was in a lot more of a celebratory mood after we returned with all that food. Gone was the gloomy mood that seemed to hang over the gnomish settlement.
Of course, they were suspicious as to where we got all that fast food at first, but once the chicken nuggets went down their throats, all that suspicion flew out the window as the gnomes erupted into cheer.
“Benefactor!”
“Pffft–”
Tumble suddenly approached me. The appearance of a toddler-sized man in a diaper with sauce all over his mouth didn’t fail to amuse me. I struggled to hold back a laugh at the sight of him.
He held out something that was in his hand.
“... What’s this?”
“It’s a summoning stone! We have more where this came from, and we’d like to give you these in exchange for the fantastic meal you have gifted us!”
“No, no, it’s fine, you don’t have to–”
“No, I insist! Here! Take it!”
Tumble pushed the stone into my hands and then—
Blink.
Everything went white.
.̷͓̰̙̻̞̣̝̙͔̠̙̫̂͑̊͘.̸̧̱͖̥̫̖͚̹͌.̴̢̛̭̦̫͌͋͆ ̷̧͇͉̟̮̳̞̞͉̣̈́͒̌̓́̎͒̕͜I̷̛̤̲̋̎͌͘ ̷̛͍̝̥̭͚͙͕͓͂̈́̀̀̌̃̽̅̆͌̅c̵͓̲͕̍̾̐̏̔̀̃̈a̵̢̤͚̘̗͚͖͖̱̾̏̒̑́̀͋̽̔̚͝͝ņ̷̞̰̮̜̹͈̩̇͐͋̎̾̊͐̄̌̆͂̌͝ ̵̡͍̬̜̱̦̩͓̥͊͛̊̋͆̽̌̚͝ͅf̶̢̧̧̲̠̜͈̩̱̼̩̓̋̆̓͒̈̇̽̍͑̀͊͛́̕ẽ̷͍̘̟̠͈̝͒̑e̶̯̠̝͖̭̗̤̪̘̫̜̾̈̕ḽ̴̨̳̦̝̝͐̎̄ ̵̢͕͙̻̦̼͎̖̞̄̐̄̃̈́́̇͌h̵̬̹̰́̒͑̇̎̏i̸̢̡̯̬̜̓̅́͊̿͒̈́̌̈́̿̐̎̀̈͝ͅm̴̛͍̥̣̘͖͖̣̠̮̪̄̿̑̍̏͘͝.̵͈̰̠̹͕̳̲̲͎͇̘̉͘͜
