Don't expect

"Sorry. Sorry again. I know you are not okay today. I should have not done that." Cedrick straightened anxiously and seemed to regret what he did to me. I also felt ashamed because he witnessed how much I was relieved by the warm touch of his palm.

I laid down properly and turned my head so that I could not see him. I swallowed and nodded slowly. "It was fine and... I'm used to your actions everyday. Not a big deal." I told him.

I thought he was going to leave after he did that but he stayed inside my room until I realized what he said just now. He said sorry. Right. He said sorry to me a minute ago and I heard it clearly.

My heart throbped twice. He never apologized to me every time he hurt or offended me and only now... It was only now that I heard him say sorry and that I realized that was the most delicious thing I ever felt from him.

It's even better than his holding, stabbing, and kissing me.

My fantasy almost took me away, but I remembered that he touched my middle earlier. That he wanted to hit me and enter me but I was sick so he couldn't do it. I don't feel good and good so if we have sex.... I won't be able to answer his kisses... He won't enjoy our sex either.

So now, I realize the reasons why he does this. He wants me to get well instantly for him to have an immediate and an intimate sex. It was just all for him, for his self satisfaction and body cravings. And I didn't really gain anything when he spoke and offered me something that would help speed up my recovery.

"Um, do you want me to do some head massage? I think, it might help you heal." He asked with a little bit—wait, was it a smile? He smiled at me? Yes, of course, he really smiled so that I agreed to pray for my speedy recovery. He is always thirsty for me. He only feels thirst for me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Is that fine to you? I mean, your time is much like a treasure. It will be wasted if you stay here and massage me." I told him.

"I insist." He didn't really beat me.

"Fine," I responded in agreement.

He came to me and helped me get up. He leaned on the headboard while I was already sitting, waiting for what he would do next. I watched him tap his chest. "Lean onto my chest, so I could massage you properly and you can sleep while I am busy with you." he ordered that's why I backed off and he still supported my waist until my back and my head landed on his muscular chest.

But I'll admit, I also want to get better right away. I don't want to have a lot of absences from class even if I have an excuse because I'm afraid that when I come in I will chase a lot of people. I know I can ask someone about the lessons and activities I missed, but I'm embarrassed to bother Trevor.

Every day there are a lot of activities and every day is also busy. That's why I'm afraid it will take a long time to recover because of the school works that are waiting for me. I shook my head, school works are still good... Know how to wait and always be there.

I woke up from my deep thoughts when someone suddenly opened the door to peek in on us. It was Luther who now had a very wide grin on his lips. I listened to Cedrick's sigh as if it was a misfortune for Luther to come in and for you to see him take care of me.

Luther clapped his hands and looked at us angrily. "Your cousin is very caring. You really love your baby sister, don't you?"

"Can you just please shut your fucking mouth up?" Cedrick said in shock but he was still gently touching me. He must be holding back a lot now because if he let out his teeth at Luther, he would have hurt me.

"Why to shut my fucking mouth up? I'm just telling the truth, huh?" He continued to walk closer to us and sat on the edge of the bed. "Am I right Sherin? Your brother is sweet to you, right?" He smiled at me.

I didn't answer him and just looked away because I wasn't in the mood to joke. He knows the real matter the roles between me and Cedrick. He knows that Cedrick is not my real cousin and he knows what is between the two of us.

And that was just an almost... No strings attached.

I'm also curious as to how Luther sees me. Does he hate it? Dirty like how Cedrick looked at me? Is he nauseous? Terrified every time he looks at me with his eyes? Maybe... Yes. Because that's what Cedrick is to me. Could it be that he is no longer so close to me?

I sighed before closing my eyes and falling asleep on Cedrick's handsome chest. He continues to give me fare until I completely disappear from reality. When I woke up, he was no longer by my side and I was lying comfortably on his hand and covered with a blanket. There was a pillow on both sides of me as if it was placed there to act as a barrier in case I fall. It's just funny but I'm not young enough to move around in bed anymore.

I looked at my bedside table to see the time. It's eight o'clock and I haven't eaten yet. I still didn't feel good but I forced myself to get up. I need to eat so I can take the medicine. I wore the home slippers so my feet wouldn't get cold. Only then did I realize that I was wearing bed time socks. Cedrick gave it to me.

I left the room to go to the kitchen. When I got there, Aling Marta was there. SHe cooks what I think is delicious food but I can't smell it because I don't have a sense of smell right now and I don't think I have a taste. This is exactly how I feel every time I have a fever. But I don't have a cough.

SHe turned to me in surprise when she saw me. I smiled at him and sat down, then rested my elbow on the table and lowered my eyelids. "Oh! Just go back to your room hija. I'll just bring your food to you after I cook it. It's done hija. Just rest there first." She said anxiously. I was so scared that I felt like I was going to die.

I laughed softly at him. "What are you doing? It's okay. Don't worry. I also want to move at least to keep my blood alive." I answered her.

Her face immediately softened. "Are you sure hija?"

I smiled sweetly. "Of course. Promise. I can do it anyway, don't worry." I grinned at her.

SHe just sighed and looked back at the food she was cooking before it burned. I just watched Aling Marta who was now going to prepare my milk until I noticed something. Something seems to be missing.

"Um, where is Cedrick?" I politely asked Aling Marta.

SHe looked at me before returning to his tea. "He just left hija. He and ma'am Elise are said to have a date." My smile disappeared because of her answer to me.

I shouldn't be surprised, surprised, or sad every time I hear about this kind of incident. But what is happening to me? Why does Aling Marta's confession to me make my heart feel like it's being torn to pieces? am i jealous No. It is not possible. I'm sure it's not jealousy.

Perhaps when I hear that something romantic is happening between Cedrick and Elise, I feel hurt because this is where I mold my true place in his life. Here I see myself as a shadow of others. That I'm really just body heat and will never reach anyone's heart.

I waited until Aling Marta finished and thought. Why can't I get it out of my mind that I will never have such a fate? Why do I keep hoping that one day... Someone will accept me, welcome me, someone will love me completely. Where, ever... I will never hear any harsh judgments.

After eating and drinking medicine, I went up to my room. Despite the headache I was stubborn and tried to say hello to my laptop. I opened my social media account because maybe someone messaged me.

But when I opened it... there wasn't even one... Even Trevor and I's chatbox was still the same, no letters were added. I smiled bitterly to myself as I stared at my laptop screen. Why is he looking for me? Why is he saying hello to me? Who am I to spare him a minute of his golden time?

I opened my email and even there there was nothing except my blockmate's email. Just from the subject, I already knew about that school and when I opened it, I didn't make a mistake... It was a group activity and the part of mine where I would be going to present or to report next week.

School activities are still good... he doesn't fail to message me every day. There is a good morning, there is also a good night. It's a different kind. So it's a good thing that maybe I'll fall in love with school works.

Before I went back to sleep, I took the towel that was applied to my forehead and cooled it down. I stretched after lying down and carefully applied the wet towel to my forehead and I could feel my eyelids because that was one of the areas affected by my fever. I felt like putting my head in the fridge, when I lost my temper.

I woke up from my slumber when I felt a hand gently caressing my forehead. I opened my eyes and my room was still a little dark, a sign that it was really night. It was still a deep midnight.

I looked at the person who woke me up and realized that it was Cedrick. He was still in his leaving clothes and I think he had just come from his date with Elise. It took them a while to come out, huh? He is really excited about his time with Elise because he is making the most of it. Even his sleep is being scarified.

He was lying next to me while my head rested on his arm. When I realized that I woke up. He bent down to look at my face and it took him a few minutes to stare at me. I did not speak the same as him either I have no words to say. What am I going to tell him if that's the case? How will his date with his girlfriend feel like I'm his mother?

"How are you feeling, Sherin?" He broke the silence surrounding us both.

We were both still staring at each other. As if he didn't even have a plan to read its connection. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"I'm a little bit fine."

I don't know if it's a smile I see on his lips after hearing what I said. "You sure?"

"Yes, I am." I slowly looked down.

"Good. Take care." Cedrick said and rubbed my forehead again. He was still playing with my hair on the top of my head.

"Are you worried about me, Cedrick?" It suddenly came out of my mouth when I didn't expect it.

I waited a few seconds before I heard his answer. I'm still nervous and it's like I just felt regret because I asked him that. "Yes." My heart felt like it was racing because it was beating so fast after hearing what he said. Was it real? He said yes? Is he worried about me?

I swallowed hard before asking the question that will definitely answer the question marks inside my head. "Why are you worried about me?" It was a moment and a couple of silence after I muttered my question.

The man next to me sighed before I heard his dark confession.

"Yes, I cared because I am afraid to lose my fuck buddy. I couldn't live without us having sex. That's it." He said with finality.

"Don't expect more from me Sherin. There is no other reason for this. Don't expect anymore." After saying that, he suddenly stood up and let go of me, causing my head to hit the hard headboard of the bed.