Chapter 13

“I must go, my son is uncomfortable,” I cut her off, “I hope you like the painting,” I look at Loan, “we will wait for you in the car,” without looking at anyone else and looking rude, I quickly get out of there with my son who is now calmer. When I get to the car, I feel that all my senses come back to me and that makes me sick, the sweats and my heart beating quickly make me give my baby to my aunt.

"What's wrong with you?" Carla asks, fanning me with her hands, “damn Marilí, breathes.” Feeling my body tremble with the fear of the look Kahin gave me when I took our son from him, has me submerged in an abyss of agony.

“Kahin, right?” Asks my mother now more calm, “daughter you can't make the same mistake I did, you can't hide something like that,” she frowns and looks me in the eyes, “I can't allow you to go through what I did with that man.” Hearing that reminds me of Kahin's words to my mother.

“No!” I say bluntly, “this time it's not the same, I'm doing what is best. And not telling him anything about my son is the best decision,” the three women in front of me look at me with disapproving eyes, “look at me however you want, judge me, say that everything is wrong and that I am the culprit, but this is so,” I adjust the hair that falls to my face, “he has a wife and she will have a child with him,” my eyes almost let out the tears but the I contain it, “who will guarantees that he will love my baby? Who will tell me that he will not only give his last name out of obligation?” They look at me and change their expression to a softer one.

"Marilí darling," says my aunt.

“No, no, auntie, I'm not going to listen to another word. And yes, if you ask if it has hurts to come here and find him with a life made, it hurts that he changed so quickly,” I wipe the tear that started to travel down my right cheek.

"Didn't you do the same?" Carla asks, raising her eyebrows, all the ideas go out of my head and the possible answers are erased. For some reason, my heart suffers with that question, but I don't say anything, I just nod and take my son away.

"Come on mom, get in, I didn't like what happened to you today, you have to tell me more about what's happening to you," I get in the car.

“I'm sorry...”

"Don't say anything Carla, please don't do it," I show her the palm of my hand to shut her up, I'm really hurt and it shouldn't be like that, I shouldn't feel like that. A relationship with Kahin is not possible.

When I get home, I take a long shower after my baby fell asleep, I still haven't finished digesting what my eyes saw today. Kahin, my brunette is with another woman and has already made her pregnant. The foolish tears fall from my eyes and that only gives me a lot of courage, I should not suffer for this, that I must be very clear about.

I come out of the bathroom and seeing my friend with her arms crossed practically at the bathroom door scares me to death.

"Get dressed we have to talk.”

I frown, “if it's about Kahin, I don't want to." I go to get my clothes.

"No, it's not him,” I look at her over my left shoulder, “you don't care about him and neither does the fact that you have given your son another father. That's not Important,” she shrugs and I turn to face her, what she says hurts.

"Well then, talk about a good time," I reply with disdain, my friend smiles like a viper.

“You must come to the party with me,” she raises her hand and points at me with her index finger before I say anything, “it's December, you've been away from me for almost 10 months, this party is for only stretched people and being alone, it will lead to dying of boredom. I need you and you can't deny it to me,” she put her hand down and walk to the bed to lie down next to my baby, “and don't worry about Aunt Camilla, mom will take care of her and the baby, Loan will come pick us up at 8:00 p.m. If you don't have a nice dress, we have time to go for one,” she kisses my brown and then looks at me, “you have a very, very great courage, to see your son who is the living copy of his father and still contain the desire to tell him this damn secret that is going to separate you much more than you already are,” she gets up, “I will wait for you in the living room to go to the mall.”

Gasping, I watch her leave my room. "What the hell was that?" I whisper out of place, “she ordered me and I didn't say anything?" I bite my lip and laugh ironically, I thought everything was the same, but it's not, everything is different and strange. Putting on something light so I can go shopping with my friend and my baby, I walk out of my room. I smile when I see mom smiling.

"I'll go with you as well," she gets up excitedly, "today I really want to go out." I look at my aunt and she nods.

“She doesn't go out much and the doctor has told her that she should go out more, she never paid attention and today, she miraculously changed her mind.”

Happy for the step my mother is taking, I hug her, “that's good mom, that's why you are strong and determined, the time I'm here with you, I'll give you all the encouragement you need.”

We all relaxed in the car, Carla is the one driving, “I missed this,” I smile looking out the window.

"You never should have left," says my friend reproachfully.

"I needed it Carla, don't bother me, I'm getting sick of your tone. That you have spoken to me like that didn't make me laugh", without taking her eyes off the road, she smiles.

"Your silence and that secret you're keeping makes you weak, it's easy to make you feel bad." Increasingly angry at how she expresses herself about me, I press my jaw hard.

"Carla, stop!" My aunt stops her.

“What is it?” She huffs , “no mom, the skinny one is doing it wrong, that's not how she is, my best friend always thinks things through. She is fair and always walks with the truth ahead.” Looking away, I don't say anything.

"It's not easy for her, Carla," my mother intervenes, "I don't agree with what she's doing because of how angry Kahin is, but you must understand your friend, you must support her no matter what," my friend snorts like a brave bull, "she's your friend,” my mother whispers the last part.

“Please leave the subject, I have not come here to make my life crazy, I have come to help you mom, nothing else, so the subject is over,” I say bluntly.

The rest of the way to multiplaza is in silence, this whole situation is already overtaking me and I have only been in Panama for a few hours, only a few hours and I must hide secrets and hide my feelings for the news I found out. Nobody bothered to tell me that Kahin had a partner and was going to be a father.

***

"Please ..." shouts my friend when she sees me with the dress on, "is that the one that you are going to wear? So you want those bland devils to know what it is to dress with elegance and sensuality!" She claps and I smile, pregnancy gave me a few extra kilos, but they fit me very well.

"You're not exaggerating?" I ask and my friend shakes her head, stunned.

"Let those women hold on because their husbands are going to look the other way. Let's go get the shoes to go with the go for a coffee, before going to the salon." Laughing happily at my friend's compliments, I go back to the dressing room to take off my beautiful dress.