Chapter 24

The sweat that covers my body is so abundant that the drops run down my skin, my breathing is so agitated that I feel my chest burning, I can feel my hands press the sheets hard, I cannot stay still, they do not leave me alone. I want to see him, I want him to be with me, but he's not, he just looks at me from a distance. The pain that my body feels does not compare to the pain that my heart feels, I can only cry while I look at him from a distance, he just stands still and seeing how I suffer, I want to reach to him, I want to tell him not to leave me, but everything is in vain.

"Sweet, wake up," I hear his voice, that voice that always refused to speak to me and today he decided to do it, "Marilí, what's wrong? Wake up,” every time I hear it louder. I feel like they are enveloping my body and I cannot allow them to do me any more harm, I cannot.

"Leave me," I yell, waking up, bathed in sweat, agitated and with tears in my eyes. When I visualize who is in front of me I start to cry, I miss my sun.

"What the hell was that?" Kahin asks scared.

Sobbing, I look at him, “nothing, it's nothing," I look for my son with my eyes and I don't see him. "Where is he? Did I hurt him?” I look at him with the terror reflected in my eyes.

“Quiet, I heard you scream and I decided that giggles should take him.”

I try to hold back the tears, these nightmares always leave me bad, "I miss him," I whisper, "he's the only one who takes away these horrible dreams from me."

Kahin separates from me, “then call him and that's it, although I doubt he wants to talk to you, I would forget you if I had heard you scream and moan the name of another man.”

Realizing what I have said, I look at him, even so there is no reason for him to react that way, “I'm sorry,” I wipe my tears, “you more than anyone knows what it's like to have constant nightmares, you know what it feels like to have that person who calms you down and makes you weaker,” his serious expression only hurts me more, it's the same as in my dreams.

"What is it that is tormenting you, Marilí?"

Averting my gaze, I shake my head, “it's nothing Kahin, it's a simple dream." Looking at him again, I try to regulate my breathing, “we have to talk about something very important."

His brows furrows more, “what do you mean? You want me to listen to what you have for another man who enjoys what is mine and belongs to me? No thanks.”

“Moreno, please, listen to me,” I get up and approach him, I need to hug him at least one last time and zacear, that the damn nightmare always leaves me, “it's very important, you know I went to Italy ...”

"To look for another man to forget me," he shouts, interrupting me and turns away from me, "I never thought your love for me was so weak," he says the latter in a tone of defeat, he is really suffering.

"But Kahin, I ..."

"I don't want to know anything, damn it!" He backs off so that I can't reach him.

"Shit Kahin, we need to talk ...”

"No," he yells louder, "I wanted to talk and you left, have you forgotten? I tried to apologize once you got here, and what did you do? You answered to your damn Italian man while you were fucking me!”

My heart suffers, but my curiosity increases more, “did you see me with him in Italy and that's why you didn't look for me?" He pauses his lips, now I have no doubt.

"I just know that I'm not going to humiliate myself anymore. I will fight for what is really important.” His words fill me with alert, I don't understand what he means.

"Kahin ..." he ignores me and leaves the room, "damn ... stubborn shit," I mumbled pissed off by his stupidity. How can we be like this? Why is it that when he wants to talk, I don't want to and when I wants to talk, he doesn't want to? “I suppose that now all the blame falls on me because of the call. How unfair you are Hamann!” I shout for him to hear me, “it was supposed to be you who destroyed me ... damn it,” agitated and furious, I go to the bathroom, there is no point in me staying in this damn house.

When I leave the bathroom and prepare my son's things, I go out in search of him. I get to the room and there is no one, surprised I go to the ground floor, before entering the dining room, I can hear Malcolm, Lucy and Kahin. They are arguing?

"You must do it," Lucy orders him, "you can't continue acting this way," she warns him.

"Don't tell me anything, shut up," Kahin growls at her.

“Stop fighting, you can't be like this,” Malcolm scolds them, “Kahin, you know your sister is right,” without waiting any longer, I enter, I also want to know what happens, but I stop short when I see Kahin again with my son in his arms.

"Why do you like having him when you don't know if he’s from him?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Sweet," Lucy smiles as she greets me.

"Good morning," I answer, without taking my eyes off Kahin who seems to notice and looks at me.

"Beast ..." he growls at giggles in warning a mode, or so I think.

"What?" Kahin asks almost threateningly, "I asked you, stupid or ignorant? And you passed it. I know he's my son.”

Hearing that is like a bucket of cold water falling on me. He knew it from the beginning and he played the fool. Lucy takes my son in her arms and leaves with Malcolm, the woman from the service is practically running away, “did you think I wouldn't notice?” He gets up and stands in front of me. I feel too small, too much for my liking.

"But Kahin ..." I whisper, almost unable to pronounce the words, "it was what I wanted to talk to you about and you ..."

"You gave my son another father!" He interrupts. I back away very cautiously, he's really furious, “not only did you offer yourself to him, you also gave him the right that belonged to me!”

Leaving the impact aside, I turn my gaze harder and colder. I'm not going to be intimidated by him, not after what he did, “don't say stupid things, Hamann,” the amazement is reflected on his face, he didn't think I would defend myself, “we both know very well who is the culprit here,” a bitter smile is drawn on my lips, “we both know why the hell I did things and so as you have told me, I will tell you. If you don't know my motives, don't question my actions,”he take a step back, he know he is not in a position to do this. I know I have him in my hands, but his smile misses me.

"You speak of guilt. Are you going to hold on to that to win?” The laugh that seemed sexy to me before now only provokes fear, “you are going to regret having given my son another father,” he said, getting closer to me. His face is very close to mine, but distant enough to be able to see each other in the eye without problems, “you are going to wish you hadn't gone before, I'm going to fight for my son, I'm going to take him away so you know what it feels like to leave without what you love most in the world. My son will no longer leave the country, because he will be mine alone,” his words and the way he threatens me make me falter. I know Kahin and I know what he's capable of, but I can't be intimidated, it's my son he's talking about.