Chapter 28

"That secret that separated us is the same by which we must be united. You do not understand? Now you know that we have a son and even when you want to take him away I tolerate you because I know that we must be together for him. I'm not going to forgive you for what you're thinking of doing, I'm not going to forgive you for what you did to me. I'm going to hate myself for having made love to you, but before all those things there is my son, our son. Kahin, maybe you don't want to support me, maybe you hate me for no reason, but you must understand that I need you just like my son needs you, I only ask you for some empathy for what we are going through. Look at our son ... Look at him, do you think that doesn't hurt? Do you think I want to talk to you?”

Tears leap from my eyes, “I don't feel like anything, but we can no longer be like two children who do everything to let themselves go, we can no longer think about ourselves. Now Kahin, our son is the most important thing,” I wipe my tears, “I only wanted support from you, I only wanted that man that I loved with my life, I only want the one who said he loved me without restrictions,” without being able to bear it anymore I burst into tears. The situation surpasses me and I cannot play strong, not now. His warm hug makes me sob. How did we go from so much love to this?

"You're right," he sighs while hugging me, "I let myself be carried away by anger and that didn't give me time to show you how happy I am for my son,” his voice sounds cracked.

"Why, if you knew it was your son, didn't you claim him?" I feel like that he tenses.

"Because I wanted to see how far you can go with your secret, Marilí. How were you able to hide something like that from me?” I gulped with difficulty, “how can you be so cynical?”

“I was going to tell you and you didn't give me the opportunity,” I decide not to clarify that he is to blame.

"I thought you wanted to explain to me about that call. Damn, you answered another man’s call while I was fucking you!” No doubt that hurt a lot, I know that now.

"I had to answer, I couldn't let the call go by, Kahin" I raise my head to look at him, “I had to,” his gaze goes from being relaxed to one of tension.

"Let's drop the subject or I'll do something that's not right. Do not think that this will change what I told you, you will not take my son out of the country anymore, I will fight for him and even if it costs me my life, I will try to make my son live in my house, with me, so start nursing the idea that you'll have to go back to the mansion. Lucelia is right, I can't leave my son without his mother even though she left me without him,” without enduring his stupid talks, I walk away from him as if he burned.

“You do not have heart! Now I understand why you have never fallen in love, you don't know how to deal with things and you always do your will and the world doesn't work like that Kahin, it doesn't work like that. I am going to fight you, I am going to fight for my son, if I must blind my heart so as not to feel bad, I will. Things have a solution, but I see that your hatred blinds you,” I move away from him to sleep, I turn my back so he doesn't see me cry, it is not possible that he is behaving that way. How can he be like this at a time like this? Why don't he listen to what I have to say or at least ask what I was going to do?

***

"They told me this is it, damn it, what a hospital luxury," I hear my friend's voice, but the nightmare has enveloped me, the sweat runs through my body and despite the cold I feel, I feel suffocated. My breathing as always agitated and my latent desire to hug her.

“Yes, I think it's here, they said 415. Is this,” the voice is the voice of my sun? Is he here? I open my eyes immediately and look for him, not seeing him I settle down well to catch my breath.

"Damn dreams," I whispered to myself.

"What's wrong with you?" Kahin asks beside me, “why are you sweating with the cold it, are you sick?" I look at him and shake my head to reassure him. "Don't tell me nothing, the same thing happened yesterday. What the hell is going on Marilí?”

I smile bitterly, “wow, I'm not 'Sweet' anymore. It's okay,” I look away so I don't have to see his inquiring gaze.

"Fuck it, whatever God wants," I listen to my friend again. Kahin and I look in the direction of the door, Carla enters and when she sees my son without saying anything, she approaches the crib, “my heaven …” she gasps when she sees him in that state.

“Per amore di dio,” I hear the voice of my sun, I was not dreaming, he is here. I get up I see him and without thinking, I run in his direction and jump for him to grab me in his arms. I get caught up in him when he does it, he hugs me tightly and I hug him, “Sono qui meraviglia,” when I look at his eyes, I smile and kiss him on the lips as we always do.

"I missed you," I say in Spanish, "I thought you wouldn't come," I cling to him, I know I should talk about what he heard, "I'm sorry ... I didn't want to do something stupid like that ..."

"Hey, calm down," he whispers in Spanish this time, "we'll talk about that, now only my piccolo uomo matters." I nod and smile. There is a lot of difference between my sun and the brown one. My sun simply has its priorities and it is never resentment, or anger.

"We're in a hospital." Kahin's thick, annoyed voice brings me back to reality. My sun lowers me and places me next to him, he looks seriously at Kahin who wants to kill him with his eyes, “I will ask that your displays of affection be outside the room and far away from my son,” he growls that of 'son', “I suppose that you know that I am the father, right?”

I frown, I will not allow this, "Kahin you must calm down, I will not allow you to attack him in this way," my sun makes me retreat.