Chapter 32

“Honey I ... I'm sorry I didn't know,” I put my pain aside to fix things, I see him smile, but I pass from that twisted smile, “we have done it wrong and I think we should speak things right,” I approach him.

“No Marilí, now I only want my son, you showed that your love for me was nothing more than a whim, it was not strong as you said, now I do not want to suffer or crawl anymore,” hurt by what he says, I doubt whether to continue walking to him or not, but finally I go over to him and hug him around the waist.

"We have to talk and you know it," I caress his bearded cheek while wiping his tears, “this has all been a misunderstanding, really I ...”

“No Marilí” he moves away from me, “no more, I've already told you, I just love my son and that's it.”

Without giving up, I hug him again, “you can't be that unfair, if only that day you had approached me things would be different, Kahin despite what happened between you and my mother, I loved you and I swear that if that day you had been yourself and you would have given my sun his beating, I would have returned to you, I felt like dying without you,” he places his forehead on mine and runs his hands over my hips, “we can't go on like this anymore and you know it, that having hidden from you about our son is not what separated us,” I draw closer to him until we are completely united, I run my hands over his neck.

"I don't know you," frowning at what he says and in the tone he does, I look into his eyes, “how can you be with him and thus pretend to be with me?" He gives me a lopsided smile and turns away from me, “for you, I thought I would give everything to have you and my son by my side, but now I only want him, sign the document I want and everything will be in peace, you will not live with me, nor will I force you to be mine, forget the contract and everything else, all I want is for you not to take my son out of the country and for us to register him well.”

I feel that my soul is leaving my body when I listen to him so indifferent and so determined, “but Kahin ...”

"Let me be Marilí" he interrupts my efforts to explain things to him, “let me be.”

Hurt and furious, I dry my tears, just as I hurt him, he also hurt me and he is not being considerate or fair, “don't come begging later," I warn him as I take my bag, pass him by, I was stupid to believe that we could at least get along. His hand around my arm makes me turn, he draws me to him, my heart beats hard and fast.

"You can be calm, you already have your sun to beg you, but we are not finished here yet, we must reach an agreement to go before the judge as soon as possible." I detach myself from him and force him to release me.

The hours pass and the agreements are given, Kahin did not sue me for taking our son away from him, but he made it very clear that if I took him out of the country without his authorization, a good part of the law would fall on me and on his part it would be worse, there will be another Kahin Hamann in the world that makes him happy, what hurts me is his treatment and that he did not apologize as I did, his reasons are understandable, but mine too, I apologized and he did not makes any attempt to do so.

At home with my completely healthy son, my mother who is overcoming her depression and anxiety, with my aunt and my best friend I try to hide everything that happened and how confuse I feel.

"You shouldn't have that face, we warned you and you ignored it," my friend muses serenely.

“Carla is very right daughter,” my mother supported her, “you should have told Kahin everything as soon as you saw him, that's how they say, watch your neighbor's beard burn and put yours to soak,” I frown my brow and try to swallow my annoyance. They have not stopped judging me since I returned to Panama and I am nowhere to explode.

"We are just saying that you must stick to it and do things right so that you no longer have to bear Kahin's fury," my aunt finished, angry and hurt by her ignorance and lack of interest in my motives, I got up.

"Enough is enough ...!" I exclaimed aloud, “you all haven't stopped pointing at me since I got here, you haven't stopped to ask why I did it, you just judge me without knowing what actually happened," I look at them hurt, “and If I didn't say anything it was out of shame, out of shame at having been rejected by the man who said he loved me like crazy. Yes, I looked for Kahin once I realized my pregnancy, to be honest I expected it much earlier, I may seem sick for loving him after what I knew, but I can't help it, I loved him and I just waited for him to come back here, but it didn't happen and when I knew we would have a child I looked for him like crazy without finding an answer and the day I gave birth to my son, but it was only to cause me deep pain, Kahin voted for me, he made things clear to me,” they all look at me in total silence, “and when I got here, I saw him with that pretty and pregnant woman. Would you have said something to him?”

I look at my aunt Lourdes, she understands me very well, she went through the same as me, only that hers was not a confusion and the idiot that had a wife and she was pregnant, “so I'm going to ask you to please stop putting all the blame on me and now that I know why Kahin did it, I hate him much more. I was just happy with him and he left me,” taking my son from my friend, I go to my room, I need peace, I need to be alone with my son.

"Where is my Wonder?" I can hear my sun in my dreams.

"She has locked herself up with the baby for hours in her room and she doesn't want to see anyone," my mother replies, I open my eyes and blink several times to remove the dust that I feel in my eyes.

“That woman is crazy,” listening to Fatima makes me snort, “Olethea,” she screams without caring that I may be asleep, I get up immediately or she can wake up my son.