shadows of the deep past

“You’re officially mine starting tonight.”

I looked at Maverick from the reflection in his bedroom mirror. He is on the end of the bed drinking alcohol.

I continued to comb my hair. We just finished taking a shower together.

He let me borrow his shirt and boxer again. It was like I was back on the island again.

“And then what?”

I saw him straighten up.

“What do you mean?”

“What will happen after I say yes? Endless dates? Knowing stages? Unlimited sex? And then what? You’ll dump me right after you’re done with me. Why would we go through all that when we could easily end it this instant, Mav.”

He drained the contents of his glass and laid it on the side table. Maverick stood up and pulled me upright.

We stood face to face with each other. The light coming from his lamp shade casted a shadow on his strained face.

“What is it this time, Femella?”

His voice is hard and the restrained anger is boring to me.

“I’m just talking about possibilities. I knew you were never the type of a person to believe in love.”

“But so do you, so what’s the problem?”

“I’m having a change of heart, Mav and I’m afraid you can’t handle someone like me who wants something more than you could give to me.”

He paused for a moment before taking my hands and bringing them to his lips. He kissed my finger one by one.

“I know and it’s not just who’s feeling something, Femella. I’m starting to feel something for you. I don’t know if it’s close to love or if it is already love. All I’m certain is it’s driving me crazy. Thinking about you drives me crazy. Kissing you, making love with you is driving me crazy. So please, will you take this chance with me? Let’s explore this. Honestly, I don’t know where this will take us. Let’s just cross the bridge when we get there, shall we?”

I can’t take my eyes off him. I was overwhelmed by the things he’s telling me. I withdrew my hands from his grip and took a few steps away from him.

“I can’t cross the bridge with you when that time comes. There might never be an existing bridge by then.”

I met his confused eyes.

“But why did you come here? Isn’t it to accept my proposal? You need what? Money? Sure! I told you, I am willing to spend all my money for you even if you don’t ask me to.”

I shook my head. I am hurt by the pain I could hear in his voice.

“That’s not the reason. You don’t know me yet, Mav.”

“Believe me when I say that I do. I had you investigated.”

I gave out an empty laugh.

“I’m not surprised. That’s the first option a sane person would do.”

I turned to look at his room. A hanging picture of him on his college graduation caught my attention.

“Do you know why I entered the club?”

“You need money in order to live. You have a goal. You want your life back.”

Tears began welling in my eyes.

“That’s not it. I never needed money. Sure, I need it to some extent but I can live without it. Unlike my parents and the rest of my clan, money is never my motivation to live. I can live with a few pennies in my pockets. I didn’t even get sad when all of our properties were sold. I was never after your money to live. I just needed it badly to get someone back. I needed to find the person who made me do all of this shit and craziness. I have to both fulfill a promise I made in a grave and pay a debt. My uncle promised to send me someone to help me so I declined all the men who looked at me with interest including you. But he didn't come and you have been so persistent. The raid happened which was never in my plan and so one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were flying off together.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

I looked at him and my knuckles curled to keep them to myself.

“I want you to understand me first before hating on me.”

He tried to hug me then but I avoided him. I sat in his seat earlier on the bed and with stared at him with pleading eyes

“I’m not hating on you.”

“Hear me out first then we’ll see if you’ll still say that afterwards.”

He took the chair in front of the mirror and sat down.

“Okay. I’m hearing you out.”

I took a very deep breath and started telling him everything.

“You had me investigated so you probably know what happened eight years ago. My parents killed themselves and to make the matters worse, I saw them both do it.” My lips trembled and my tears began pouring out. “I can’t do anything. I’m powerless. I just stood there, eyes wide open while they’re doing it. They forced me to witness them doing it to make a point. I can’t go out of their room. It was locked from outside and unless someone comes in, I can’t go out. They took the pill and while they lay there almost breathless, they made me promise to get my sister back. Imagine the trauma I felt back then witnessing my parents kill themselves before my very eyes. They held me with their cold and sweaty hands while repeating the same old things, reminding me what I needed to do. Until their very last breath, they still chose to be selfish.”

Maverick stood up to approach me but I stopped him before he could even touch me.

“Don’t. Let me finish first.”

I dried my face and continued.

“So for the past eight years, I looked for the culprit to find my sister. I have no single clue. No idea about the motive, the face of the abductor and how to do it. For years, my life was spent looking for the unknown, searching for someone God knows what happened to her. I did everything. I looked for our relatives to ask for help. And when I contacted my uncle, he told me to enter the club. He will send someone to help me there.”

He knelt in front of me and wiped my tears. He looked at me lovingly.

“We will find your sister. I’ll help you in any way I can, Fem. Don’t you worry. I’m here for you.”

I snatched my hands away from his and

Sighed hard.

“Will you? Even if I’ll be asking you to do it against your will?”

“What do you mean?” He whispered in a restrained emotion.

I closed my eyes and breathed to rack up for courage.

I looked back at Maverick whose facial expression had changed.

“You have always been my target from the start, Mav. Half of the eight years were used up finding all the information about you.”

We both fell silent after I let go of the words. I kept my eye on the carpeted floor. I was suddenly scared to read his face.

“Why?” He murmured after a while.

“For your connection.”

“What connection?”

“El Draconem.”

He threw the chair on the floor creating a loud sound. I shuddered in shock but I tried hard to ignore it.

I have to survive this encounter even if the pain in his eyes is killing me deep inside.

“Fuck, Femella!”

I bit my lips and let the tears flow. He took a step between us and held me firmly by the chin. I quickly turned an eye away. I can’t help to see the hatred in them.

“Why? Why!” he shouted angrily. His anger vibrated through his body to mine.

“Whether you believe me or not, I didn’t pursue the plan after seeing you happy with your life.”

“But you are pursuing me now, aren’t you?” he said in a sarcastic tone.

I nodded slowly.

“Yes, I am. Because I can’t see any other person or someone or anything that could help me. I thought I could do it myself without using anyone but I’m wrong. I don’t have any power. No connections. I can save my sister if you help me, Maverick. I can save her now. I’m so desperate right now so please help me. Please….”

My eyes were still closed the whole time I’m crying. I reached for his hand on my chin but he kept it away from me. I almost burst into tears but I chose to make my sobbing as soft as I could.

“Why?” His voice is lined with bitterness and anger.

I cleared my throat before I answered.

“You’re powerful. Your connection with the organization is all I need to get my sister, Mav.”

“If you really know me then you know I don’t want to do anything with that fucking group. They killed my father. They have the blood in their hands. Consider this conversation over. Get out.”

I shivered at his cold icy demeanor. I opened my eyes. Maverick is slumped on the floor with his head down and hands on his knees.

I felt my energy draining dwindling. I’m drained. Is this it? Should I just stop?

“No, Mav. As the son of your father. You have the responsibility to help me.”

He violently looked up to me and clenched his fists furiously.

“Get out, Fem. You are the last person I will hurt in spite of all I’ve learned. Go now while I can still hold it.”

“I don’t care. Go on. Hurt me if you want to. I’ve experienced far worse things than that, Mav. Go ahead. Slap me, punch me and after that hear me.”

He suddenly hit the wall several times while shouting at the top of his lungs. I sat there wide-eyed but I never dared avert my eyes. I winced at the sight of his bleeding hands and blooded walls.

I went to the bathroom silently and searched for a first-aid kit. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I know I looked the worst.

Maverick was still sitting on the floor when I came out. I sat next to him to treat his wounds but he pushed my hand away.

“Don’t come near me. I told you to get out, right?”

I was hurt by his behavior but I did not flinch.

“If you don’t want me touching you then please… Do something with your wound.”

“It’s just a scratch. I went through much more than this.”

“Are you talking about that car accident you had eight years ago?”

He looked up at me suddenly.

“Yeah..”

I got up and went back to sitting on the bed.

“Can I start now?”

He didn’t move so I continued.

“When I say that you have the responsibility of helping me, Mav. I mean it. The abduction of my sister happened during the time of your father by one of his trusted officials.”

I still haven’t gotten an answer from him. I also couldn’t see his face properly because his arm is blocking his face while resting on his raised knee. After a while, he finally stood up.

His jaws hardened, eyes glinting with anger, and a thinned lips out of concealed disgust.

“I don’t care, Femella. I’m not my father and I am in no way connected to that goddamn organization. Just the mention of it beats the hell out of me. Whatever happened in the past in the organization of my father under him during his time is not a part of my business. I don’t have the knowledge or the participation of it so why the hell are you going to involve me in this? It’s pure bullshit, Femella. I sympathize with your family and with what happened to your sister but I can’t do more. I can’t help you.”

Although I expected his rejection, I still felt bitterness and pain. Do I really think Maverick will let himself be used?

If that’s his final decision then I have no choice but to use my last trump card.

“Okay. Then how about a bargain?”

He turned to me waiting for my words.

I looked up and met his glowing eyes with anger.

“Help me Maverick Fuentebella and I’ll tell you about your non-existent past.”