love is not enough

"Femella ..."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes when I heard the baritone voice behind me. I want to stand up and greet him with an eager hug. I also endured a week of not seeing him or hearing his voice. I've been dying to see him and be close to him like what we used to be but everything's changed now. The one he truly loves is back so I have no more space in their lives.

I slowly stood in front of Maverick whose face was now full of longing.

"Fuentebella, I'm glad you're here. You may take a seat."

His face got confused with the tone I used. I uttered the words so coldly and without any emotion like we did not know each other.

It was hard for him to sit in the chair and just stare at me. I went back to sitting and took the wine glass and brought it to my mouth. The alcohol helped a little to calm the nerves in my body.

I carefully set the glass down on the table and looked around the elegant restaurant.

"This place I chose is nice, don't you think?"

Maverick casually reached for the wine and poured it into the glass in front of him. He finished it and then dropped the glass on the table.

"Yeah, this is nice but it'll be nicer if you cut this off already. I know our whole two weeks haven't been good because of what happened but now that it's over, we could go back where we left off. You just disappeared suddenly without me knowing. I was looking for you but I couldn't find you. What happened, Fem? "

I feel like I want to melt into his tenderness and caring heat I hear. It's as if he's willing to accept anything I'll say as long as we'll be okay in the end. I clenched my fists in my lap and drew all my strength to look at Maverick.

"I agreed to see you Fuentebella not to fix what we have now but to ask you to stop looking for me. I don't need you anymore. You are of no use to me. I got what I wanted. You also got what you wanted from me so we're fair. We've reached the end of our contract. We've both served our purpose to each other and we both got what we wanted so it's time we end this. I don't want to know again that you're asking for me to get investigated or you order someone to follow me everywhere."

I smiled at him sincerely.

"Thank you for what you did. I am now free and you are also free to continue your love. If I only knew that everything is that easy, I would have approached you before to ask for help. Tell Trisha she doesn't have to worry that I will be the one to ruin your relationship. Tell her what we both did is just nothing. It was just purely physical or you can say nothing at all. Promise, I have nothing to say- "

"Bullshit!" He shouted and punched the table. His mouth is very tight and his fists are clenched. His face was very dark and his eyes glowed with anger. His red face and ragged breath gave away his obvious anger. For a moment, I thought he's gonna do something to me but he just stayed in his seat, pain and anger on his tired face.

I regained my composure I lost for a while because of his reaction. It was very similar to how he reacted when he found out about my plan.

My eyes widened as I looked around the place where we were already getting attention.

"Now you want to make a scene. Go ahead. It's okay with me because I'm used to it for a long time but it's a different thing on your part. Don't mess with your name just because of me. Don't risk your family's reputation just because of me. "

He suddenly stood up and moved around in my chair. Holding back the anger, he whispered to me.

"Then come with me. I can't control my temper here. What you said triggers the hell out of me, Femella."

He straightened up, reached for the table napkin on the table and wiped his mouth and took large steps out of the restaurant.

I tried hard not to cry and keep myself from crumbling. I picked up the bag with my shaking hands and followed Maverick.

I saw him leaning against a pole in the parking lot and smoking. The light of his cigarette casted a glow on his grim face.

I could barely move my feet towards Maverick. It was as if I had just been nailed there while looking at the man. I smiled bitterly.

I started looking at him from afar which will end now in another painful memory. Now that he is within my reach and only a few steps away, I want to go back to the time I was just looking at him.

It’s easier to hide feelings then. It is easier to restrain oneself from craziness. And it’s easier to forget when you know you’ll never reach him.

I forced myself to approach Maverick who had already fallen into deep thought. He turned to me slightly and then put out the cigarette. I took a deep breath.

"Do I have to reiterate what I said inside? Okay. Maverick..."

"Do you think I'll believe you?" Hr cut to what I have to say and turned to me. "I can already read you, Femella. Just one look at you, I know very well what's playing there in your brain. I know the reasons behind your smile, your intent when you look at someone. I know you very well from head to toe. How? I spent every night that we're together looking at you, memorizing your face, studying every change in your emotion. So why are you lying to me now? What's your reason again? "

I even managed to smile despite the fact that it was like an arrow had pierced my heart with his every single word.

"If you really know me then you know that I am a woman who knows what she wants. I am not weak and I do not tend to hide my feelings. Take my words for what they are. You don't have to read my mind to know that I don't want you anymore. I want out. That's what I want now. "

He laughed bitterly.

"You're one hell of a woman. And here I am thinking that I know you already."

He bowed his head and laughed.

"You're kidding. How do you get to know someone in just a few months? Even couples in several years of relationship turn out that they don't know their partner at all."

He ran his hand through her hair before lighting a cigarette again. "I don't know but I feel like I've known you for a long time. Tell me Femella, are you more than your twin's sister in the past? Aren't you telling me something?"

The encounters back then flashed through my mind. It's just simple conversations.

"We didn't have a deeper relationship then. We don't even talk that much. I can only count on my fingers the conversations we had then. I'm not lying this time. Why would I do that if I can't get anything? Sooner or later, you'll remember too. I don't want to know someday that you're taking it against me."

I leaned on the pole to support myself as I watched Maverick puffed out another smoke.

"I told you earlier that you couldn't get me. I used you." I smirked. "Look at you. You look like a willing dog to me. I'm proud of myself. I got you burned with my fire."

I froze in fear when I saw the heat in Maverick's eyes. He threw away the cigarette and took only one step to reach me.

He pulled me on the nape and crushed my mouth with a punishing kiss. I did not respond. I kept my mouth closed as he deepened the kiss. I stayed still with my eyes wide open just staring at his pained face.

He let go of me and backed away. He turned on me and hit the wall. I could see his bleeding hand but I didn't show any concern about it.

"You want a closure sex? Sure, let's do it. Let's get done with it. Where? In your car? In your unit? We can do it in the CR if you can't wait. That would be an adventure, right? A farewell sex in the bathroom. That's gross but I can deal with it. I liked it." I laughed sarcastically.

"You're disgusting."

"I know that's why you should stop seeing me as if I'm an angel. I'm not, Maverick. I'm selfish and cunning. I go about my life breaking people's hearts. I used people to achieve my plans. I don't think twice before dropping them after I'm done with them. "

He looked at me with understanding eyes. He approached me again and gently touched me on the shoulder. He looked me straight in the eye. I almost cried at the visible worship I'm receiving from him.

How could he still look at me like I am all that he needed?

"I'm not an angel as well, Femella. Like you, I also did wrong things. I also hurt other people's feelings. I kicked and beat people. I can't even count how many women I've made to cry. But I didn't use that as a reason not to accept happiness in you. Why are you keeping yourself from being happy? Is it because of your past? " He wrapped his arms around my face and gently stroked my cheek. "Stay with me. Be with me. Please? I'll make you happy," he begged.

I could no longer restrain myself. My tears are gushing again. I pushed him away to get hold of myself.

"I can't. My conscience can't." My voice weakened. "I also wouldn't be happy if I thought every day about what I did to use you. I can't look your family directly in the eye, Mav. No matter what angle you look at it, I'm still using you. I manipulated you. I will never forget the doubt and insecurity in my mind. Maybe you loved me because you're seeing Trisha in me." I wiped away my tears. "You just thought I was strong, with nothing to fear about but the truth is, I'm very weak. It's the real me, Mav. I'm weak."

I heard no words from him so I looked at him. His eyes were empty.

"All right. Go back to Trisha. She needs you. You are her happiness. I may not get along with that bitch but I still care for her. Go now before I become selfish and keep you for myself."

"I want you to be selfish. Keep me for all I care. Even if you reject me now, there's no way that I'll get back at her. She's not the one I love. And you don't get to decide about my life. Right now, all I want is you, only you. It's you, I love Femella. "

He stepped towards me but I backed away. He stopped in his tracks.

"But I don't want you at all, Maverick," I whispered. I felt my heart breaking into pieces while saying those words. "I want to start over with a clean slate without you."

My face wrinkled from the pain but no matter what happens, I will stand by my decision.

"What did you tell me that night in La Vida? I'm not a patient man as you can see. When I want something, business or woman, I always make sure I get them. By hook or by crook Femella, you'll be mine. Make no mistake about that. That's exactly what you said. And I replied, I'm not an ordinary girl, Mr. Fuentebella. My breed cannot be compared to your women of choice who throw themselves at your lap .You'll never get me. Period. But if you kneel and kiss my feet then maybe I could change my mind. You see, I don't back out with my words, Mav. So please, will you let me go?"

I stared at his face while saying those words. Pain is written all over him but I can't do anything about it. I needed to do this.

We were just staring at each other for minutes. Our eyes are communicating the things that words alone cannot convey.

"I'll stop chasing after you if that's what you want," he finally said.

I smiled warmly, tears blinding me already.

"Thank you and I'm sorry for everything, Mav. I really do."

He wiped away my tears. His hands were too cold against my hot cheeks. He cupped my face and lowered his lips to mine. It was a bittersweet kiss. My tears burst again when I felt his sweet kiss.

"Kiss me back for the last time, Fem."

I obeyed and responded with the same warmth. I've poured everything into it even if it's too late.

I didn’t open my eyes when he ended the kiss. I could feel him watching me but I kept my eyes shut.

"Have a good life, Fem."

He kissed my head for the last time before walking away.

I covered my face with my arm and turned away. I can't bear to see him leave. I heard the roar of a car as it sped away, leaving me behind.

I clung to the pole and let all my tears flow. I sat down on the floor and leaned my forehead against the cold cement. I let myself disappear momentarily in the pain I'm feeling. I cried silently while hugging myself remembering how warm his embrace felt.

Sometimes, love is not enough Mav.