leaving

"Femella, are you really sure with your decision? Maybe we can change it? Is there nothing to lose?" the surprised Chino asked when he heard what I told Vida that I was leaving this afternoon.

He had just come out of the toilet and was in the midst of washing his hands. There were still residues of foam in his hand.

"I'm sure about it, Chino. My time has come to retire. You're alone again to fantasize about yummy abs at the club."

I regretted saying it then looked at Vida who was sitting on the floor like me.

I called them to say goodbye properly. Chino was also in his apartment so I told him to stay here. I want to personally say goodbye to the man who made my time at La Vida fun and tolerable.

I had already packed up my bags ready to leave. My suitcases are already in the trunk of my old car. I really just went here to say goodbye.

"Or maybe Adam's descendants won't even look at me anymore. We know they're just trying to pay attention to me because of you."

He snorted and rubbed his hands with soap.

"Then do it your way this time. Why, I shared my beauty with you for free for how many months."

"That's how you hook Maverick. If it were not for you then I could have had him."

My smile faded when I heard the man's name. I tried to hide the pain by laughing.

"You're dreaming again!"

He returned to the bathroom so I was forced to face Vida's curious eyes.

"You're still hurting," she said, staring at me intently.

I drank water.

"Of course. One month is too short for moving on from the love of your life, especially when you know you hurt him."

"You don't have to move on. Maverick loves you. You love him too so what's the problem? Two people who love each other should be together. You're the only one who complicates everything."

She leaned back on the sofa and stretched her raised leg.

"After all I've done? I don't deserve to be happy with him, Vida. I don't deserve him. I will only hurt him. I don't want to drag his family's name to the stench of the Alcantara. They are so nice to me, especially his mother. "

"And they'll be nicer to you if you go back to him. I talked to Luther and Cholo last week. They said Maverick is acting like a zombie. The guy is burying himself in tons of work. Maverick is now a certified super workaholic. He's also killing himself through alcohol. I heard that his collection will beat the entire bar area of ​​La Vida with the amount of alcohol he buys every day. You broke his heart Fem and I find it absurd that you're both suffering when you feel the same way! I don't understand you guys. You don't see reason sometimes. "

I blinked a few times to let go of the tears that were starting to form again. I don't want to cry now. I'll do it later when I'm alone.

"That's why I'm doing this because my mind is still working. If I let my heart decide, Maverick and I will still be together today, laughing while cooking my favorite dish. But no. I'm here and I'm letting you know because I know no future awaits for the two of us. "

"So you never doubted for once his love for you? You didn't mean what you said when you told him about how he must have loved you because of Trisha?"

I was surprised by what she said.

"How did you know it?"

"Dave. He put a device in your pocket. He told me the other day."

I was shaken when I remembered that green-eyed young man.

"That boy. Sometimes I also get confused as to who his loyalty is with. Last time, I told him not to tell anyone what happened to me but then he called Maverick. He even complained about how exploitative I am when it comes to his time. And now he's spying on me and he's got a knack for telling people about my personal conversation. Wait till I see you, Dave. I'll really smack you."

Vida laughed.

"Dave is a wonderful boy. Now answer the question."

I took a slice of pizza and topped it with chili sauce.

"Sometimes. When he said he loved me, I really felt that he meant it for me, that I was the person he was referring to. But ... every time I caught him staring at me, I get hurt. He looks at me as if he knew me for a long time. I know him. The way he looks at me reminds me of the way Trisha looks at him."

I smiled bitterly and bit into the food I was holding.

"Don't fight. Your twin is his past. You are the present."

I swallowed the food first even though I couldn't taste it before answering.

"I don't deserve him. I love him, that's why I'm letting him go so that he's free to meet the woman who deserves him. I'd rather choose that he be angry with me than love me." My voice went a little too low. "Because Vida ... I feel guilty. It's too much." I wiped away my tears. "I can't accept his love because my guilt eats me up. Because of us, he had an accident, so he lost his memories. And then I planned to use him for my ends. I felt his sincerity during our stay on the island. He made me happy there but what did I do? I still left him. He chased me and even when he found out that I planned to use him, he still cares for me. See, even though he was angry with me when I met Lagma, he still helped me free Trisha. I used him and he knows it. He never forgets to tell me how much he loves me every night before we sleep. Then I would wake up with his shaking and having nightmares. I feel so horrible. I entered his life with only chaos. I didn't contribute anything to him. So I don't deserve him. "

Silence ensued.

"Looks like you made up your mind and you've thought about it through and through. No matter what I say, you won't accept. It's useless if I force you to change your mind," she said.

I managed to smile. "You're right." I glanced at the watch. "I think I better go, Vida. I plan to arrive in Sta. Barbara before dusk."

I stood up and hugged my friend. I have never found anything like it in my entire life. I might not be close to my sister but fate gave me another sister in the form of Vida.

She rubbed my back. "I'll miss you."

I smiled and reciprocated with a massage on her back. "Me too. Visit me there. Take Chino with you. I'll be waiting."

"Hey sisters! Why is there a hug going on when I'm not involved?"

Laughing, we pulled Chino and hugged him tightly.

"How long have you been inside? What miracle did you do?" I teased him.

"Hey!" He slapped me on the arm. "You're being dirty minded again. It's a bad habit. I'm having diarrhea. Maybe it's because of the flower I ate last night."

"Chino! Are you eating flowers now?" Vida exclaimed.

"Are you crazy! I'm looking for a jumbo hotdog. Besides, there's an edible flower."

He released me from our embrace and turned to me.

"I'm going to visit your kingdom next week as long as you ask our boss to allow me to leave. I've been stressed every day. I have to breathe or I might force those hunks to love me too!"

He.parted his imaginary hair with a flapping hand.

"I got it. Bring house presents okay?"

They led me out of the apartment.

"Take care okay? Call me anytime. I can leave everything for you, señorita."

It was as if a warm hand had caressed my chest with what Vida said. Even when we were still in Monte Vega, she preferred to harass me with that name.

"I will. Be careful too."

"Why aren't you telling me that?" Chino asked incredulously.

"No need, Chino. They should take care of you."

I opened the car door and boarded inside. I waved at them before turning the car on. I saw them looking at me from the rear view mirror.

I put on the sunglasses and picked up the cellphone.

"Dave?"

"Yes, I got it. He had a meeting at exactly 10 am at the 33rd branch of the hotel."

"Thank you. Even though it's not included in my payment to you, you still did it for me."

"It's because you're my longtime crush."

I laughed. "Sorry, I can't return the feelings. I'll wait for you three years from now then I'll be your lover."

"I'll wait for that."

I smiled.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for everything, Dave. Goodbye for now. Take care."

I ended the call and glanced at my wristwatch. I still have half an hour.

I was just parking the car in front of the Fuentebella Hotel when Maverick got out of his car followed by the uniformed men. He unbuttoned a part of his coat and adjusted his tie, a sign that he's being confident. I followed how authoritative he was when talking to Jex who was next to him.

He was wearing an aviator so I couldn’t read what was in his eyes. His strides were long and sure. An obvious air of presence and excellence on his appearance.

Maverick entered the building already but I was still staring in his direction. I wiped away the tears that I didn't realize were already dripping. I took a deep breath and controlled myself.

"Thank you for everything, Mav. Goodbye, my love. Live a happy life, please."

My chest tightened when I started the engine and sped the car away from Maverick. Away from the first and last person I will love in my whole life.

I comforted myself while on the road to Sta. Barbara. I just played a song to distract myself. After more than two hours of driving, I stopped at a gas station to refuel. I also looked for a place to eat for lunch.

Four hours on the road helps me relax. I was already smiling at the sight of the scenery before me. The trees on the road are replacing the buildings that I've come to get used to for years.

I opened the window and smelled the fresh air. This is what I wanted from the very start. A new fresh reset in the province.

I entered a curve with an arch that says "Welcome to Sta. Barbara". I looked around. The growth of the area is still sluggish. Only a few establishments were added. I passed the plaza in front of the big church.

It's even better, I thought. Trees grew more and the scattered concrete benches were newly painted where many children were playing. I have also seen some branches of famous fast food chains.

Other pedestrians stopped and looked at my car. Sta. Barbara is a small town. Almost everyone will get to know each other, so people here are curious about new faces.

At the far end of the place stood a few estates of land that, to my great surprise, were named after me. I thought it's in Trisha's name since she lived here. I was shocked when the lawyer announced after the burial that it's under my name.

It was empty for a few years because I didn't have any money to fix it, so when Vida offered to lend me money, I didn't hesitate to accept it.

I demolished the whole house and built a small cabin house in the middle of it. It's small because I'm the only one who will live here while I'm still thinking about what to do with my life from now on.

I entered the car on private property. I can see the little house already. It's just really cute to look at in the middle of the yard full of colorful flowers. I plan to till the land here and apply some of my knowledge about planting.

I got out of the car and stretched my aching body. I took out the key and opened the door to the house. The very clean living room and the polished floor that had just been scrubbed welcomed me. I called Manay Letty's daughter who is the caretaker of the property to clean the house this morning.

I have already put the luggage in the closet and the grocery supplies in the refrigerator. When I felt tired, I went to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of crickets and other night animals. I moved to the side of the bed.

"Mav," I whispered.

A different emptiness filled me when I had nothing to touch beside me. And then reality hits me. Maverick is no longer in my life. I chose to leave him.

My eyes warmed as I buried my face in the pillow. I cried. The emptiness that has been gnawing since that night when we separated slaps me again.

My mission is over so I have no more reason to pretend to be brave and fearless. It's exhausting.

I hugged the pillow and buried my face in it. I'm looking for his scent. I miss his warm embrace. I sobbed as I hugged myself in the middle of the darkness. I feel so lonely and sad.

It's the truth I have to live from hereon.