tracing backwards

"Anything," I answered right away.

Her face became serious.

"Take her away from her misery. Please. I hope you can do what I can't do. I thought that after completing her mission, she would let herself be happy but she still thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved." She looked me in the eyes. "Please save her, Fuentebella. Let her realize that she can never be happy without you, please. If you do that, you have paid off your debt."

Something stirred inside me at the thought of Femella crying in her solitude. I nodded at Vida.

"I won't promise anything. Most of all, I'll still respect what she wants. Now, I want her location."

"Sta. Barbara."

I was momentarily surprised upon hearing that place. Sta. Barbara. Something familiar clicked inside me at the mention of the place.

"I'm positive you'll get her again. You must not forget that she chose to go back to the place where you two first met." She bent over to pick up the grocery bags. "Good luck."

Minutes after, I was on the road to Sta. Barbara. I got off from the helicopter in another village next to Sta. Barbara. I wanted to see the place first. A strong force tells me to tour the place so I can remember.

"Why didn't I go back here after the accident?" I silently questioned myself.

If I came back here then is there a possibility I would remember right away?

I also immediately retracted the thought. During those times, tragedies upon tragedies befell my family one after another. That same year, dad was killed so I didn’t pay too much attention to what happened to me. I have my mother, my brother, and the company to manage. I transferred back into the city to finish my studies and then manage the hotel I asked my father to give me. My mother took over the management of the company while she's training me.

I stopped the car in front of the arc of Sta. Barbara. I got out of the car and looked up at it. I didn’t care about the scorching sunlight or when my stomach growled in hunger.

A scene played in my head. It's when my parents dropped me off beside this arc.

Mom threw me the small traveling bag which I immediately grabbed.

"It's the last straw I have to deal with, Maverick. If you still continue to be stubborn here, then I'll actually enlist you in the military. I don't care if your dad manages the company for the rest of our lives. We can't give it to someone like you. "

I begged my father for help but he just avoided looking at me.

"Don't dare make any chaos here. We have staff deployed here who will watch your every move whether at school or outside. You won't leave Sta. Barbara until you finish the whole semester without any failing grade. No alcohol, no cigarettes, and please no visits to the jails. "

She turned back to the car. Dad and I were left alone. He tapped me on the shoulder.

"You can do it, son." He smiled at me reassuringly and messed up my hair.

I could do nothing but walk to the dormitory of the all boys college at the entrance of Sta. Barbara.

I smiled at the memories tickling my head. I remembered now the months I stayed here. Of course I didn’t immediately change my ways. I still had a few shots of alcohol and cigarettes then.

I got back in the car and continued driving. I saw Sta. Barbara Community College and my memories of that school flashed in me. I turned left towards a string of restaurants. I scanned every establishment. I smile with joy every time a new scene enters my mind.

I stopped in front of the church. It was as if someone was pushing me to get off so I got out of the car and sat on a concrete bench. The strong wind blew along with the return of my precious memory.

"Man, who's that chick?"

"Chick? Where?"

Jeff's gaze followed the woman I pointed to who was sitting on one of the benches in the plaza and staring at the entrance of the church. Her hair was swaying with the wind. Her hood is lowered so her beauty is displayed to all of us. She's skinny with an angular face and has a strange aura around her. She reminds me of the women I met in social parties.

"Ah that? Isn't she beautiful? She's like a goddess but she's rude. She doesn't want to be stared at."

I looked at my friend who seemed to know the woman very well. I put out the cigarette.

"You know her? Who is she?"

He snatched the cigarette I had extinguished and lit it again.

"That's Trisha's older sister. But don't tell people about it. It's just a secret. They seem to have a problem within the family. Only now did I hear that Trisha has a real family. She just arrived yesterday from the city. She's actually more beautiful when you get to see her face to face. "

I looked again at the woman who was already staring at the children playing. She exudes mystery and elegance. It was as if I wanted to approach her and discover the secret behind her sad eyes.

"You say Trisha? Why didn't she tell us? We were here together yesterday."

"I don't think they're close. They seem to be angry at each other."

"What's her name?"

He jokingly punched me on the shoulder.

"You like her? Well, you're both rich. Femella. That's what Manay Letty told us."

"Femella," I repeated her name.

Her name sounds nice in my mouth.

When she saw that the crowd in the plaza was increasing, she immediately raised the hood on her.head and quickly left. Even her steps are graceful.

In the days that followed, I was always waiting in the plaza and waiting for Femella to appear. When she didn’t show up, I asked Jeff where she's staying. He said she's always at home.

I met my friends at the usual hangout but instead of seeing Jeff, I found Trisha waiting.

We talked about her sister. She said they are not close. I said I'm interested in her sister. Trisha just smiled and told me she would take care of it.

"Femella is different. She's very innocent. My parents are very protective of her. She's also aloof with men around so I'll build you up with her first."

I bought flowers and chocolates for her which I would give through Trisha. I am so self -conscious. I used to tell a woman directly that I like her but now I seem to be losing my touch.

I waited for the results but Trisha said that Femella doesn't want to meet me. That's the time when I started going to their house. Her avoidance is obvious to me. She didn't even try to glance at me as if I had a contagious disease.

But it was compensated for with her presence. She's definitely more beautiful up close. Her eyes are full of emotions and mysteries I am itching to know. I want to get to know her more.

I followed her to the river where I see her always staying. Unbeknownst to many, I watched her every action. She's awkward when I'm around but when she's all alone in the river with her books, she's the most peaceful.

"Hey," I awoke her in her solitude and sat down on the grass next to her.

She jumped in surprise and lowered the book she was holding on the mat before she turned around. I was greeted with a pair of intelligent but cold eyes and a face that is incomparable with the other women I met. Suddenly a strange heat flooded my heart.

She studied me for a moment and I got caught up in her appreciative stare.

"Sorry, what do you say again? I got lost in my thoughts," she said with flushed cheeks.

I laughed. So I wasn't the only one who felt like I'm melting when I'm graced with her presence.

"I'm Maverick. Your name, lovely lady?"

I held out my hand to her. She just looked at it so I put it down shortly and laughed.

"Feisty, huh." I looked at the books and picked one up to read. "Fundamentals in Business Ethics." I picked the other one. "Economics, Politics. Woo-hoo. Pretty serious in life, meh?" I chuckled.

The first time I looked at her, I knew that she was serious in life. Something which I'm not. Maybe I'm serious during my high school years but I'm tired of the book. I've had enough theories so I'm thirsty for application. I just went too far and got a little lost in the journey.

She snatched the books from my hands and placed them on her lap.

"I'd rather study than live a life like a bum like what I think you're doing."

Just as I thought. I laughed because for the first time since I was immersed in my rebellion era, I wanted to go back to the former academic achiever and the consistent top student Maverick.

"Fierce. I like that." I looked at the clear water and whistled. "What a beauty! I can understand your fascination here. You stay here when I'm at your house."

I have to lie. If she finds out I watch her every day, she will panic.

"I think you better go. Maybe Trisha is already looking for you."

"No, she won't."

I got up and was about to take off my t-shirt but was shocked when she screamed uncontrollably and covered her eyes with her hands.

"What are you doing?! Can't you see that I'm here?! How inappropriate! Didn't your parents teach you proper manners?!" she cried while her eyes were tightly closed.

"Hey easy, easy! Okay, I'm not doing it. Geez! I just want to take a bath. I don't know you'll freak out. You can open your eyes. I'm still fully clothed."

Her reddened cheeks were lined with visible annoyance and anger. She looks more beautiful to me when she's angry.

I was alarmed when she started gathering the books and stood up to leave.

"Hey, hey! Can I take a bath now?" I teased her.

"Cute," I whispered to myself while looking at her back.

Since then, I made it my agenda to always tease her. I like to see her all red and ready to fight before I leave. I thought I was also doing a good tactic because she was also talking to me somehow.

But the next day, she left Sta. Barbara. I asked Trisha but she said she didn't know the exact date of her return. I started being restless and hotheaded. I skipped classes just to stay by the riverbanks. It's hard to admit that in just a few days of talking with her, I'm already craving her presence. I just think that she will come back any other day.

There was never a woman who made me this way other than Femella.

In my spare time after class, I hang out at a market stall making and repairing broken jewelry. The owner, June, has become my friend. I bring him food in exchange for him teaching me how to make a bracelet. I planned on making one for Femella.

I slowly stood up with a sore head. The return of the memories is overwhelming me. I don't know how to feel. I'm torn between being happy because my heart remembers what my brain has forgotten or blaming myself for not trying hard enough to remember all of these before.

I got back in the car and continued driving. I'm looking at every house, tree, and even the dogs in the streets that will trigger more memories to materialize.

In front of the road there is a warning sign. There is an advisory for motorists to be careful because many have reportedly had accidents in this area. I stopped the car as I passed a large tarpaulin warning motorists of the area.

This is the site of the accident. I have memorized the whole look of this road because I have repeatedly seen it in photographs during the height of the investigation. We never catch the culprit which turned out to be Lagma. My face went dark in memory of the man. Someday, I'll deal with him soon.

They immediately cleared up the evidence. It was just declared an accident later on. My mother would have appealed but we have to face the murder of my father then.

I got out of the car and leaned on its hood as my eyes focused on the sign. Another batch of memories came in.

"Aren't you with Femella? She agreed to come with us."

Trisha's face was sad.

"Femella has left. She went home to Monte Vega. She said I'll just let you know."

I lowered the bouquet I was holding. Like a moon, the excitement I had felt earlier when it accepted the anklet and agreed to join us for a walk at the open amusement park on the other side of the village suddenly disappeared. I even used all my monthly allowance to rent a car.

"Is that so? When will she be back?"

She took the bouquet of flowers in my hand and hugged me.

"I'm sorry, Maverick. I don't know when she'll be back. Maybe not. She needs to go to Europe for college."

My shoulders sagged with so much sadness and disappointment. Why didn't she tell me earlier? She was happy and even smiling when she accepted my offer. Is this her way of saying that I don't have any chance with her?

"It's okay, Trisha. Let's go."

I opened the door for her, rolled over in the driver's seat and pulled it away.

I was silent the whole time when we arrived in the park together with our other friends. I was just around the corner, smoking. Femella is on my mind.

It was late in the evening when we went home. Trisha is the only one left for me to drop on our way home because she lives at the very end of Sta. Barbara.

"Maverick, do you know if this jewelry is real or not? I was going to sell this to a pawn shop but they said it was fake. Look. It's beautiful."

She took something from her bag and put it on her wrist.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

I glanced slightly at her hand and then immediately looked back at the road. I paused and stared back at her wrist. I pulled her arm and looked at the anklet I had given earlier to Femella.

"Where did you get it?" I asked with inherent anger.

"It's mine. Mom gave it to me. I was even surprised because it's fake. She doesn't give me anything that isn't real."

My face darkened because of her obvious denial.

"It's obviously fake because I made that myself. Now how did you get that if I gave that to Femella earlier?"

Trisha was silent in her seat. She took off the jewelry and handed it to me.

"Tell me Trish, did Femella really leave?"

She could no longer answer my question because a strong force bumped into my car. My reflexes kicked and I immediately tried to regain control with the car. But it's too late. We had already hit a large concrete and steel barrier on the road due to the force of the impact. I hugged the screaming Trisha and my body accepted all the shock. I jolted in pain when a large rock hit the side of my head. Blood flowed from my head down to my face.

"Maverick! Help me! Maverick!"

The sounds of Trisha's screams faded until the surroundings became quiet. My eyelids were heavy and only the sounds of crickets were the last I heard before I fainted.

I sighed then returned to the car in the present. I immediately turned on the engine and headed in the direction of the place I was so familiar with. Now that I have regained all my lost memories, I will do everything to get Femella back. I will carry out the long -held plan of my heart. I can't for the third time lose her again.

From then until now, he was the only one who was able to feel love for me. I will beg him to accept me again. I was ready to break our agreement just to be a part of her life again.

I don't want to feel empty anymore. I need her as much as I need her touch and love.

I entered the car on a private property after opening its barbed wire gate. The place didn't seem to change based on my memories. The side of the road is still surrounded by various kinds of trees.

I parked the car next to an old Toyota Corolla. The old house I remember is gone. It was replaced by a medium -sized cabin house.

I took a deep breath before getting out of the car. I climbed the stairs to the cabin terrace and knocked on the door but no one answered me.

"Femella! Open the door, babe! Fem!"

I called again but I didn't hear even a crack from inside. I looked around the lawn. I have a strong feeling that she's just around.

I looked down the road to the forest. Maybe she was there.

I ran all the way to the river. I was not disappointed. There was a mat lying by the river. On top of it was a book next to Femella who was unaware of my presence.

I was about to call her name but my feet stopped moving on their own. I end up staring at her pained face. Femella was staring at nothingness and her whole face was blurred with tears. She's staring at nothingness while hugging herself. Its whole body was shaking. When he got up, he cried and buried his face in his hands.

My heart ached at the agony I witnessed. I almost forgot how it's hard for both of us. I’m not the only one hurting right now. We both carry the weight of pain of being apart.

Femella stood up, stripped her clothes one by one, and slowly walked towards the river.

I heard a sound of splashing water from a distance and then Femella's head rose out of the water. She caught for air before returning under the water.

I didn't think anymore. I took off my polo shirt and slacks as well as my shoes and jumped into the water.