64. Where is She?

Arjun’s PoV

Where the hell has she gone? I got down as soon as she exited the car but I didn't want to make a scene on the busy road by dragging her back to the car or hospital. How dare she call me Pistanthrophobic? Yes, I have trust issues. But that is not with everyone. I have trust issues with her and I have strong grounds. I am like a scalded cat, my past experience is not a good one and when I happen to know that the same thing is happening all over again, I could not digest it.

But she can't blame me, I was patient enough to discard all her mistakes more than enough times. But how can she expect me to believe her when I caught her red-handed talking to her ex-boyfriend, I don't even know if I can call him ex-boyfriend. She will never keep my child and I will make sure of it. I don't want my child to live with a characterless girl.

After a very long time, I have had a beautiful reason to celebrate and forget about everything but she had to spoil it all by running away. I sat back in the car and waited for some more time for her to calm down and get back but she never came back. I tried to call her number and first it went to a voicemail after the full ring and the next time I called, she switched the phone off. She is an arrogant woman. I started to go home. She knew to come all the way to Minjur alone, she shouldn't have any problem getting back home all alone too.

I couldn't rest even a minute knowing that she is out there somewhere and her health is not at it’s best at the moment. Above all she is having my baby in her. I kept calling her number even though it said the same thing over and over again that the phone is switched off.

“Ajju, why are you so worked up?” Granny asked me, walking towards me with her walker.

“No, appatha. I am fine.” I told her while helping her to sit on the sofa.

“I can see it in your face. What is the matter? Where is that girl? She didn't eat lunch with me today.”

“She… she has gone out for something, appatha. She will be here soon.”

“Hmmm, I keep forgetting her name. But she helped me chase away my loneliness. She is a very good company. She helps me in bathing everyday and takes me for a walk in the evening. She is very good at reading books to me. The nurse that was before her, she did everything too but that was not out of love but out of pity. But this girl did things out of love. She is a nice girl.”

“Yes, she is.” I told her, picturing her in my mind doing everything granny said. She of course is a nice girl. All these days, I knew she tried to learn cooking from Kathir. Some days I could feel the taste differ and instantly knew that it was her cooking. Though I don't like to express it, I liked to eat her food. It has a special taste to it. I noticed her face whenever I ate her cooking. She would be afraid at first and then a small smile would creep up to her lips when I kept on eating it.

Though I tried to keep her away and shun her out of my life or sight, I never turned down her help like washing my clothes, folding it, ironing it, making my bed, cooking for me, trying special snacks for the evening for me. One night after she started sleeping on the sofa, she came into the room to use the restroom and thinking that I was asleep, she stood near me so long and caressed my face and brushed my hair with her tender fingers. I wanted to do that to her as well. I love her but she is very confusing. She seems like she is in love with me and she also talks to her ex. It sometimes confuses me and many times infuriates me like anything.

“Ajju, where is your wife? It is not right of you to stay here when that girl stays here too. This will spoil the reputation of that girl. Who will then marry her? Bring your wife too.” Granny said. God, how can I make her understand?

“Appatha, no one has to marry her because Anika is my wife. Nobody will talk bad that she is staying with me because I am her husband.”

“No, I remember your wife. This girl is not your wife.”

Though she wouldn't remember it later, I told her all about Anamika as a way to let out everything that’s been clogging my mind. She listened to me very carefully without interrupting me and finally said something that shook me.

“Did you tell this to your new wife yet?” She asked me.

“No, appatha. This is not about me to disclose to her. Anamika didn't want anyone to know.”

“I am so proud of you, Ajju. You are helping a person who acted so selfishly and disregarded all your emotions and feelings. But do you think your wife will approve a secret between you two? If she doesn't know what kind of relationship is between you and your first partner, she would have to imagine which may or maynot be in your favor. That totally depends on the trust you have built in your relationship. But let me tell you, Ajju, trust gets stronger as the time goes. People say if you love someone, you will have to trust them with your dear life but I tell you from my experience, love is a feeling and trust is an emotion. Feelings come and go on random people but trust comes only when that person is emotionally connected to you. An emotional connection is not something that happens in a day or two. It would take years and years of being together to get that trust. One main thing to do to gain that emotional connection and trust is being open to your partner. She is your better half. If you know something, she needs to know that too.” She said and switched on the TV.

Granny is right, I failed to gain her trust. I always scared her with my rude behavior. I refused to hear her explain her situation. I should have talked to her about Anamika and her condition. I wouldn't say that if I had done all that, everything would have been fine now. No, that is not the case. If I had done all that, there would be nothing to point her finger at me. She wouldn't have had the courage to say that she will expose that I am having a secret relationship with Anamika. I thought she didn't deserve any explanation but to safeguard my reputation, I must have told her the real situation.

Just as I failed to gain her trust, she failed to gain my trust as well. She hid the fact that she is in love with someone else. She used me to uplift her family. She, an opportunist she is, changed her color like a chameleon to the situation. Above all, even after consummating with me, she still is in contact with Arun which is utterly disgusting of her. She had the guts to tell me that I don't trust her. I mean, how do I trust her when all she did was to betray me?

Fed up with all the battling within me, I called Harish to know if she was with him.

“Harish, where are you?” I asked him as soon as he picked up the call.

“In office, Arjun. Is everything ok?” He asked me back. He knows nothing.

“Yes. Just called to tell you that our doctor said everything is normal and fine.” I hung up on him and went out to my car to go around in search of her in the same place where she ran away.

As time passes, the fear in me is blowing out of proportion. What did she say? She said she will go to her parent’s place. I called up Advay to know the situation there.

“Advay, how are you?”

“I am good, mama. How are you and akka?” He sounds very calm. He doesn't know anything.

“Where are you, Advay? How is aunty and uncle?”

“Mom is in the shop and dad is doing great. He is now moving around in the garden of the hospital in an electric wheelchair. His fingers in his left hand and toe have gained its senses back. Doctor said that at this rate, he could soon regain all the lost senses and can start walking using a walker.”

“That is great news. When will your college start?”

“From next week, mama. I am all ready.”

“Good, call me if you need anything.”

“You have already done more than enough, mama. I managed to buy all the things needed for college using the money I earned from the part time job.”

“Very good, Advay. All the best.”

“Thank you, mama.” I hung up on him as well with no avail. Whom else does she turn to? I drove to Harish’s home to see if his fiancee is still living with him but turned around when I saw his house locked. What is her name? Shivani! Where does she live? No idea.

How can I find her? What will I tell my family if they get to know about this? I don't know anyone that she knows here. It is almost 7pm in the evening and still there is no sign of her. I drove very slowly in all the streets around the clinic but she is nowhere to be found. Just when I was about to turn into a street, I got a call from kathir.

“Yes, Kathir?”

“Sir, Anika madam is home and she is packing up all her things.”

“I will be home in another half an hour.” I drove home as fast as I could.

“Where the hell were you?” I yelled as soon as I saw her.

“I went to see a working women’s hostel. They have a room and I am renting it. I will live there.” She said while packing her clay jewelry.

“You will stay here until you give birth to my baby.” I pulled her up with her elbow and made her look up at me.

“Arjun, please. Please listen to me without this anger. This anger will never give you anything but scars. You don't like me and you think I cheated on you. I am not in for a life where I have to walk in fire to prove myself clean. Here, I have signed the papers you gave me. You can go ahead and file this in the court. I will come to the court for every hearing and we can have the divorce on mutual consent.”

“I know what should be done. You don't have to tell me what I should do. I will grant you divorce after you give my baby to me.” I spoke in rage. I could not take that she is so calm and composed while talking about divorce when I am deeply hurt and wounded with the same thing. Haven't I made an impact on her? She doesn't even have a peck of love towards me?