BURN DOWN (JESSIE'S DIARY)

Elena's Pov:

He reminded me of a villain, ready to burn the world to protect one woman. I shook my head, I'd been reading too many books.

"Your mum and Lorna's still asleep?" I changed the topic as he went back to doing what he was doing.

"Yeah." Then he furrowed his brows whilst he checked his wristwatch. "Lorna should be out by now."

"Maybe you should check on her, I'll continue preparing the oats."

He ran up the stairs to check on Lorna, and after 14 minutes, he came down the stairs, jaw clenching.

"That little witch is still asleep. She does that to piss me off sometimes. I'll be moving to my apartment by tomorrow. You might want to come with me since...the happening earlier..." He stated and I smiled faintly. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to himself before kissing my forehead. "You'll be fine."****

"Wait, cut, how did you guys become this way?" I asked Jessie and she shrugged.

"Soon I became his booty call. It was so messed up, that I didn't understand what was going on anymore. I fell deeply in love with him but he seemed to have lost interest. Soon, I was the one doing the chasing, I was the one loving too hard. I became a tough woman just for him but the moment I did he withdrew for a while which confused me. He went ghost on me for...I don't know how long and suddenly came back into my life. I wasn't ready to give up on him."

"Why didn't you?"

"I knew there was something going on with him. Whenever Leo has a problem, he ghosts everyone. I loved him so much, I wasn't willing to let him go any time because I understood him. Then he came back to his senses and finally told me everything that he was going through. That was how we got back together because I was getting tired, I was about to walk away and never return but I'm glad that he finally opened up. What about you and your man? How is it with you guys?"

"I've been so preoccupied with your diary that I didn't really go to check up on him. He called sometimes though to see how I was doing. But he's not coming here as often as he used to anymore."

"Do you think there might be an issue?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't think so. If it's about issues, Antonio knows how to handle them."

"I want to ask something though, you've been living with Antonio for the past few months now, I wanted to ask, are you in love with him?" She asked and I hesitated at her question and thought about it. I wasn't still sure about my feelings for Antonio. I mean I liked him, and wanted to be with him always, I never want to leave his side no matter what but would that be regarded as love? If I wanted to hear all his worries and just be there for him when he needed me the most, was that love or just being a good friend? My feelings still quavered, but I couldn't deny the fact that I was attracted to him.

"I see that you're still unsure. It's normal to have mixed feelings about someone you've only known for a few months. And I understand that the lines between friendship and romantic attraction are blurry. But you both have gone beyond friendship, in fact, never intended for you guys to be friends from the very beginning. He got married to you, gave you a beautiful ring and brought you to his home. Besides, both of you have had sex more than once. I think you should take time to reflect on your emotions more and know what it is you truly want in a relationship." I appreciated Jessie's advice but I was still hesitant to give myself away.

I'd heard it so many times that I wasn't deserving of love from my father. And I wasn't clueless enough to think that the attraction I had towards Antonio was true love. I loved the attention he gave me, I loved the gifts and the fact that he provided for me, but when it came to true love, I just couldn't place my hands around it. I'd been so numb for years, I didn't know what love meant. Sometimes I felt I did, and sometimes I knew I didn't. Love is way more complicated than what anyone could think of.

"You're still contemplating. Do you know what love is?" Jessie asked and I shook my head. "A lot of times we mistake love for so many other things and complicate situations for ourselves. You could spend a year with someone and not love that person, but you can spend a month or two with someone and fall deeply in love with them. It depends on how you see them, how they accept you and how they treat you. Love is a pretty complex emotion that respects no one. It goes beyond just enjoying someone's company, but I want to ask you a question. How often do you and Antonio have a one-on-one discussion without him touching you or doing anything sexual?" She asked and I thought about it.

"A few times."

She chuckled. "He obviously can't get enough of you. But the only way you can truly love someone is if you know them. Has he talked to you about his fears? His worries? Does he mention them to you? Do you guys open up to each other freely without hesitation? Of course, there'll always be a bond, a strong passion between the both of you but then..."

I really pondered about her words, but we never communicated that often. Sometimes I was even terrified to walk up to him. I sighed. All Antonio and I have done many times is have sex which I enjoy most times but the times we don't, I'm reading Jessie's Diary and he's in his office, researching with Leo. Sometimes I heard screams and I knew it was another one of his victims. I wasn't perturbed by it anymore, as long as I didn't see blood.

There came a knock on the door and we both turned.

"Come in." Leo opened the door, his eyes meeting Jessie's before meeting mine. "There's a mission at hand. The mafias are holding a ball this evening and there's a debtor on the line. We need you girls to capture him."