Fifty-four

Jordan

The door slowly opens and I don't even show my face. I'm trying masking it away, because so far I've learned how to do it.

"Hey B." He whispers and walks in, softly closing the door behind him. "I-I heard from out side." He said while he walks towards me. He kneels down in front of me and pulls me in a hug and that's where I break.

I fall apart on my best friend and all he can do is try to hold me together. He whispers things in my ears but I don't even know what he's saying because all my mind is replaying,

"I don't love you Jordan. I never have."

I clench my fist around his shirt and cry on his chest. He holds me by waist and one hand rubbing my back. He puts one arm under my legs and one holding my back and starts to carry me towards the bed. He sets me down softly and climbs in right after. He lays on his back while I'm on my side crying on his shirt. Making a puddle of tears.

This hurts more then being shot.

This hurts so much, all I want to do is scream in pain but the tears are taking over the job.

He continues to whisper things in my ear and all I can do is listen to my heart breaking even more and hear myself cry.

****

"So, is she good to go? Or does she have to wait more?" I heard Greyson say, but I had my eyes close. I didn't know I feel asleep, but when I moved my hand up I didn't feel his body there.

"I'm saying for another week just to take more cats scans on her brain and to cheek her lower adnominal. To see if everything is okay, and we will be feeding her more often because the lack of vitamins she's getting."

"Thank you doctor."

"You're very welcome." Then I heard footsteps shuffle around then the door closing softly. I slowly open my eyes and see Greyson running a hand over face then sighing. He had his eyes closed while he stretches his arms in the air and then slightly leans back to pop his back.

I slowly sit up and I'm already see food on the side of my bed with some water. I push that aside because I don't feel like eating at all. I sigh and look down at my hands.

"Morning. There's food for you to eat, doctor said you have to get you vitamins up." I look up to him and see him smiling at the food then looks at me. He's smile slightly falls but he puts it back up.

I nodded and looked back at my hands.

"Come on Jordan. Talk to me." He pleaded.

"About what? How I told him that I loved him and he shoved it right back to me and walked out of my life." I whispered. My mind is foggy, all of it is the memories with him.

The bed dips and he looking down at his hands. "I know. When you were gone Samuel did the same to me. When you were gone, I said I loved him and he laughed at me."

I look up and see his eyes are fogged over, probably thinking about that day. "I'm sorry."

"I don't need your sorrows Jordan. I need to help you right now. Forget about him. Forget all those memories about him. About Landon. About all that gang shît and live in the present.

I huff,"you think it's that easy don't you?" I said while looking back up to him and see him shrugging his shoulders. "Let me remind you Greyson, I was raped constantly. Abused. And now have a broken heart. And you think I can forget all of that? It took me weeks even months to get his cousin out of my mind! How am I supposed to get him out of my mind too! He's permanently is fused in my mind Greyson! I can't forget about him!" I start to yell while I feel tears fall down my cheek.

"I'm so-"

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anyone right now." I looked back down at my hands and watch the tears fall down on my palm.

"Jord-"

"Please!"

He sighed and the bed dips and his footsteps retreat towards the door. The door slowly closes behind him and I start to cry.

I cry quietly and all I can think is about him.

If he doesn't like me, or I should say love me, why am I crying over him.

Because thats what a broken heart does. Eats you up till you can't cry anymore and you watch him be happy without you.

****

It's dark by now. Greyson hasn't came back. Probably because I locked the door. Nurses came in somehow and would check me. They took away my breakfast and lunch because I won't eat any of it but they still brought me dinner.

They got me in trouble for trying to take out my wires but I never answer them when they asked why. They redid them all, but right now I'm pulling them out.

Since I'm barely eating my food, they said that they are going to start feeding me through tubes because of how my bones show and I don't want to eat.

The IV fluid drips out from the tube I just pulled out and some wires I don't know what they are for. I unplug the heart monitor because it was beeping because it wasn't on my finger. I set the wires on the bed and walked over towards the bathroom in here. I walked in and shut the door locking it behind me. I look at my feet fast because I'm afraid of what I'm going to see in the mirror.

So instead I walk over to the shower and turn the knob to the left to set the water warm. I unbutton the robe they left me in and put my hand in testing the water. I slowly step inside because I was already naked and close my eyes when the warm water hits my body. I close the shower door and walk further in.

I turn my body around letting the water hit my back. I sigh when the water feels so good on my body. I open my eyes and look down. I watch the water run down my stomach towards my legs the fall down to the ground.

I lean my head back and let it fall slightly back letting the water run through my hair. I turn around and run my hand over my face, rubbing away the tears.

I turn off the water when it was starting to turn cold and open the shower door. The mirror was fogged over so I didn't have to see myself. I looked for a towel and see it hanging on the door. I get out and goosebumps cover my body. I take it off the hook and dry my self. I walk over to the mirror and took and deep breath in and start to wipe the mirror with the towel.

I slowly drop the towel and look at the person in the mirror.

All I see is skin sunken in. My collar bone shows clearly. My cheek bones are out, they barley have skin covering them. I look down to my stomach and see some stitches. It's red around them but I don't look at that. I look at how my ribs are popped out showing me each of my own ribs. My hip bones are showing and my thighs barely have meat on them.

But I look past that.

I look past what's showing and look in my eyes.

And what I only see is a broken girl.

That's what I am.

A broken girl.