Twelve

Jaxon

Why is it always the ones who've done nothing as a child, have to grown up as the person they are today?

Like why am I running from gangs?

Why am I trying to keep my family alive?

For what?

What have I done to have my life like this?

Oh.

Oh right, I forgot.

I was born into that life.

Nothing I can do.

I sat next to the tombstone of my best friend.

He was my best friend in elementary through out middle school.

I told him everything what happen that day or the day before.

He was one that never judged me when I used to show up with a huge bruises on my face. Or would take breaks climbing the stairs because the pain of my bruises on my side would hurt so much.

But it was all a trick.

A game actually.

The game my father put up, and would watch from afar.

He was watching me play his game. How I would go to someone I cared for, and tell them everything.

To this day, it's my fault my best friend died.

How he died when walking back to his ma when I showed up to school with my back whipped.

I showed him. I showed him the marks of what my nightmares did, and that cost him his life.

Just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and deal with it like before.

That was first time I showed him my cuts.

And that would be last time I would.

My father came home that day and yanked me out of the house and threw me to my uncle in the backseat while we drove to where he would walk home.

It was a drive by.

A drive by that I was in.

All because of me.

All because of me, he didn't get to go home and say hi to his ma or pa.

Not even say hi to his baby sister.

He didn't even get to graduate.

Never got to feel what love felt like.

Or be a the father.

I been here for hours. Just watching the grass move with the wind. No one dares to come near me.

I see from afar they look towards me but end up walking away.

I laid on my back. A few feet away, just imagining his body laying right next to me, while I talked. I talked while I watch the sky grow dark and starts started to beam out.

I talked about everything. Everything since I left this city. I told him about Jordan. And what happen to her.

That's even my fault too.

I sighed, "what the hell is wrong with me Dustin?" I murmured. I ran my hand through my hair and pulled at the ends. "I wish you were here so you can help me, but if you were...I would have to leave you too. Just for you to be safe." I said while my arms fell to my side.

I turned off my phone a long time ago because every thirty minutes Landon would end up calling me.

Clay and Cass never met Dustin because that's because I didn't really talk to Cass and Clay that much as Dustin. But I did consider them part of me like Dustin was.

But Dustin would always be my best friend.

But Landon would always be my brother.

No matter how much he's he pain in my ass, he would always be a brother to me.

I didn't go to the house till two in the morning. I spent my whole day there at Dustins tombstone. Just talking. Imagining him there talking to me.

I pulled up to the drive way, but I was debating if I should just end up calling Clay, and letting us stay at his place for awhile.

I can't stand my memories.

So I turned on my phone and see calls from Landon and some from Clay. I decide to call Clay and ask him if it's fine for us to stay the night.

"Hello?" He said in a tried voice.

"Can we spend the night there." I said while I got out of the car and didn't look any where else but just my shoes hitting the cement. I headed up the steps but didn't open the door.

"Um, sure. I'll send you my address." He said while I heard things rustle in the background.

"Okay, thank you." I clicked and open the door.

I walked in and that's when I heard sobs and sniffles.

What the hell? I closed the door behind me, and walked further in. Candles were lit every corner of the house. I walked close to the stairs and that's when I see Jordan wiping her eyes while her nose ran. Denise was crying silently while Landon had his back towards them.

"What the hell happened?" I said while I raised an eyebrow at them. Jordan gasped and ran towards me. my arms wrapped around her while my mind was running everywhere trying to understand what happened.

"T-t-that h-happen?" she choked out while I felt her tears being sucked up from my shirt. My hand went under her chin, pulling her face out of my chest, making her look at me. "What?" my thumb wiped the tear that fell. I was looking around her face to see any sign of hurt, but the only hurt I saw was in her eyes.

"That happened to you through your childhood." she said softly trying to make her voice strong. I grew confused while I'm trying understand what she means.

"Thi- That- oh god" Denise started to cry hard while she tries to eat her cries back up but fails to do so. I look at her with confusion.

"What happened?" I said while looking at her then looking back to Jordan. She was about to say something but that's when Landon spoke.

"How come you never said anything Jaxon. This is horrible." I looked to him and see him turning around and holding my journal.

I felt my heart stop. I felt like someone punched my stomach, making me grunt silently. He took a step closer while reading a part of my life.

"My father beat me till I could barely breathe. My ma watched the whole thing while getting whipped-"

"Enough!" I took a step back but her hand wrapped around my forearm. I looked down while she said, "Jaxon, you're hurt. I know you are. Don't run away-"

"Jordan. My heart broke a long time ago, but it took years to put a cast around it, but it would always have cracks in it. You're mind broke when he got you. I helped put a cast around it but every time you close your eyes he slips through those cracks and haunt your mind. No matter how hard you take your time putting each piece back together, you'll see the cracks there. I can never forgot what he did. No matter how much I try. It would always be in my mind." I took another step back while reaching in my pocket. I walked backwards while looking at Landon.

"Thanks for reading my life. Thanks for reading my nightmares. And thank you for reading my demons that haunt me in my mind twenty four seven." I tossed him my phone. "Go ahead. Finish my book. Finish it and try understand it started when I was a little boy and ended when I was fifteen. Try picturing yourself as me there. I bet you can't do it. No one can imagine themselves getting beaten their whole childhood. So, go ahead and amuse yourselves. Read my hurt. Read my bruises. Read everything, because clearly you love being entertained with my pain." I looked over to Jordan while she cries silently. I give her a small smile.

"You can either go to that place or read and imagine a little boy running away from a monster or trying to help his ma from getting beaten. But I won't stay and watch my life play in front of my eyes. I've seen enough."

That's when I opened the door and walked out, walking away from them.

My demons.