46
Her parents picked her up for the fete at ten am. Dressed in a long white summer dress, her hair piled on top of her head loosely and gold sandals. She felt fighting fit to take on Mr Munro should the need arise. She had spent the night tossing and turning in anger, adamant he wouldn’t do this to her anymore. She was not going to be a victim and if he wanted to act like they never happened, and all were cosy friends then so be it! He did not have a problem with acting like they had never meant a thing to each other and it was time she followed suit.
Abby had been on the phone this morning after receiving her texts and fueling her rage with news that Morag had stayed at the manor last night. So now she knew what he had been out picking up and judging by the fact he had her stay indicated maybe he was sleeping with the red head after all.
It really was over. Done and dusted. She was not going to let this affect her anymore.
* * *
Arriving at the estate the view was magnificent. The large gardens full of stalls and tents, a miniature fun park and pony rides. Bright banners hung from trees, and flags, and bunting, draped from tent to tent. The place was so magical and whimsical that Rose almost forgot her rage for a moment. It was like being transported to a magical vintage fair.
It did not take long to get it back when she saw Rob and Morag casually walking together from one of the beer tents dressed in smart summer clothes. Steeling her heart against the thundering beat, she stuck out her chin defiantly and plastered a smile on her face.
Not today Munro!
Abby, seeing where her glare was focused, pulled Rose in the opposite direction quickly, to one of the shoot a duck stalls to vent her anger. Handing her the pink fluffy bear, the stall owner admired her ability to knock down every target she had aimed for and Rose fired back that having a black soul made of rage did the trick. He had waved her away laughing at the non-joke. Clueless to the fact she had envisioned every duck to be Rob’s head.
‘She was a world class sniper before she retired.’ Abby grinned at him and got a hearty laugh in return.
‘Yeah, I’m sure, Abby.’ He handed her a lollipop for her wit and waved the girls off to try their luck at the next stall.
Abby was good medicine. Pulling her and her parents around, making them get involved in games and races. Plying them with beer and booze and generally making Rose’s mood lift by the hour. Everyone needed a pick me up like Abby in their life.
‘Ooh look, a wandering bit of eye candy to sweep Abby off her feet.’ Rose nudged her in the back to point out the approaching tall blonde. Abby turned, turning a nice shade of blush and started fixing her hair enthusiastically.
‘Eyes off Turner, he’s my eye candy.’ She winked Rose’s way.
Duncan joined them and the fun, disappearing every now and then to catch his friends; Abby cuddling up to him at every opportunity and smothering him with affectionate kisses. Rose had felt a twinge of envy but could not feel happier for her. She liked to see Abby happy and Duncan seemed to do everything in his power to make her that way.
They rode a carousel and then hit the dodgems, acting like children again, before trying their hand at ‘Hit the Vicar’ on the cream cake throwing stall. The ‘Vicar’ was really one of the town farmers in a costume and Rose got a perfect bullseye. Screaming in laughter as her Dad proudly announced he taught her how to throw. Her mother was having an amazing time at trying her hand at every event and making it clear Rose actually took after her mother, both sporting winning teddy bears before long.
She had drunk a bit much already and was feeling giddy and light. For once her emotions flitting away and giving her room to have some fun. She felt reckless and high, throwing caution to the wind and trying every drink handed to her in the various tents offering home brewed beers, wine, and even the cocktail bar. Her parents had wandered off to have a break from the bustling crowds and left Abby and her to meander without them.
As the day drew on, her hyper-energy began to fade, so instead she began to fuel it with fruit punch and vodka juices at a more alarming rate. Ignoring Abby’s warning about drinking in the sun, she carried on regardless; she was making a point to herself.
The point was that she could be free and have fun and ignore the idiot and his crazy sidekick today. She could smile and be merry, even with them at the same event and just get over it! They had seen them in passing in the distance throughout the day. This was her way of proving to herself that she didn’t need him!
Her parents, on arriving back seemed equally tipsy and unaware of the extent of her drunkenness. Abby was finding time to sneak behind a tent with Duncan momentarily and had stopped giving her a tough time for ten minutes.
‘Ahh, loves young dream.’ She thought dryly as she watched them sneak off together enviously. Alcohol tainting her mood with a touch of sour, that tiny sadness creeping into her slowly. He will only break your heart Abby! They all do!
* * *
Drunken wandering caused a lot of bobbing in and out and around people before long, losing her little group in a crowd of eager teens, Rose found herself wandering alone behind one of the large beer tents, tripping over some already legless men propped up sleeping by the entrances. She tried to take a shortcut between tents but found it too tight a gap and headed back the way she came. Only they had moved off somewhere else. She had truly lost them now.
The busyness of the grounds was overwhelming, crowds had come in all morning and the park was so mobbed that she had no way to navigate, unable to see through at the stalls or tents to recognise where she was. Just a wave of endless people blocking her view.
The drink and sun combination was really hitting her now and her head was beginning to swim. She didn’t feel so good anymore and the panic and overwhelming need to cry at the sudden lonesomeness was bubbling up inside like a freight train heading for a tunnel exit. She reached down looking for her bag and her phone realising she had handed it to her mother to hold when they had hit the carousel and not taken it back.
Damn it!
It would still be hung across her mum’s dainty shoulders holding all of her much-needed gadgets.
Someone bumped into her, knocking her forward violently and sending her into an inevitable forward fall, Rose flailing her hands to catch something stable knew she was going to end up in the dirt face first. Hard warm arms broke her fall, pulling her quickly into a safe circle and pulled her upright, away from pushy people and into a safe haven of hard muscle and warm arms.
‘You okay?’ Rob’s voice like a torturous warm tide.
She didn’t want him to touch her, didn’t want his help. This was just getting to be too typical.
‘Leave me alone.’ She snapped a tad too aggressively. She tried to break free of his grip, but he easily pulled her back again. Her drunkenness giving him extreme manageability over her.
‘Rose come on, let me help you.’ Exasperated by her fighting and twisting, he led the way, keeping a firm grip around her shoulders with one arm while his other grasped her wrist tightly so she couldn’t break free or fall again. He found a quiet clearing and set her down on a fruit crate between two large white tents rather unceremoniously and stood back, giving her space. She avoided looking at him, feeling the emotion bubbling further up her throat and instead glared frostily at his loafers.
‘I’ll go find one of them and bring them here. You stay put and catch your breath.’ He sounded normal, again with the lack of emotion and general dead pan tone.
‘Don’t bother! I’ll find them myself!’ She snapped and got up, attempting to storm past him but again he caught her, pulling her back with a little too much ease.
‘Look, it’s pretty obvious you have had too much to drink. You were about to get trampled to death out there. Sit here and let me go find Ab’s or your dad.’
‘What do you care?’ She spat at him angrily, trying to throw his hands off again but failing as he just renewed his hold elsewhere. This was too easy for him and she was getting exasperated beyond control.
‘Fucks sake Rose!’ She had never heard him lose his cool so quickly before; It made her stop. In fact, she had only ever once seen him angry like this and that had ended up...well in her bed in his arms. He looked over her head as though checking to see who could see them then lifted her face with his fingers, cupping her jaw and stroking back tendrils of hair. His flash of anger dissipating as quickly as it had arisen.
‘We both know I care; and the extent in which I care about you.’ His mouth came close to hers, his voice sincere and soft. Too familiar. Too intimate. It was too much, too close, too soon and Rose broke into sobs uncontrollably. She heard him curse under his breath as he pulled her into his embrace, resting his chin on the top of her hair and stroking her back lightly.
‘Don’t cry. I can’t stand it when you cry, baby.’ He sighed heavily and squeezed her a little more.
‘I hate you.’ She didn’t try to break free anymore, too exhausted to do anything but cry against his strong chest, enclosed in his warmth. Knowing she should push him away but wanting the comfort only he could give. She had dreamed of being in his arms again, so many times and nothing compared to the reality. The swaying of the world around her making her feel hopeless.
‘I hate me too!’ It was almost a whisper and despite herself Rose nuzzled closer and breathed him in. Bittersweet pain shooting through her heart as memory collided with reality and the fact she was still hopelessly in love with him.
They stood that way motionless for a few minutes before he tilted her face back, wiping the tears and standing her back on her own weight. His eyes locked on hers and he sighed, flexing his jaw but saying nothing. So much in those stormy eyes yet as always, unreadable. He just looked like her dreams, so effortlessly handsome. Holding her this way, and so close to him she didn’t know why she had been foolish enough to ever let herself fall so badly for him. It was obvious she was never going to get over him, not anytime soon anyway.
Rose didn’t know what came over her, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact she was a total emotional mess and he was looking at her so intensely, only inches from her face. The fact all she could think about was how much she loved and missed him, how much her body yearned for his touch, but she leant up, on tiptoes even in heels, and kissed him.
He didn’t immediately pull away, but he didn’t fully respond. Just caught her face with his hand, holding their mouths together for a moment, almost as though he wanted to savour the touch before pulling away. Resting his forehead on hers and closing his eyes. His voice sounded full of regret and raw emotion.
‘You’re drunk Rose.’ The husky way he brought her back to reality to see the face of his refusal sent her overboard. Feeling burned from the rejection, crippling pain searing her already fragile heart, she slapped his hand away from her face, shoving him from her hard in his chest.
He barely moved so she backed away angrily instead.
‘I hate you! Just stay the hell away from me ... For the rest of my life!’ Her voice broke, tears stinging her eyes. Practically spitting with anger and hysteria but she managed, ducking away from his attempt at catching her again and moving with sudden speed despite her spinning head between the tents.
‘ROSE?’ He called after her, but she put her head down and just pushed on running.
She broke free into the crowd and was lost in the sea of faces before he could catch up. Falling into people and tripping over ropes and occasional children. She fell flat on her knees submerged from his view by the people around; cursing and pulling herself up with the aid of a lovely couple, she looked down at the grass stained mess of her dress and began to laugh manically.
This just summed up her life lately. Every bloody moment of this dreadful bloody hour summed up in the sad grass stained and torn dress.
Feeling warm hands on her arms she spun around ready to slap him in the face for following her and was met with Abby’s green sparkling eyes instead. Immediate concern replaced joy and the quick glance up and down.
‘What the hell happened, what’s wrong?’ Abby went to wipe Rose’s tear stained face, but Rose shook her head as her mother appeared behind Abby and hushed her with a look.
Abby, pulling a tissue from her bag began wiping her friend’s face and gestured towards a large sign indicating toilets, shielding her from her mother’s eyes; she nodded, moving fast. They left her parents and Duncan at the ice cream stand while Abby hauled her towards the quiet of the mobile bathrooms on trailers.
Checking no one was in the first cubicle she dragged her in and handed her a bottle of water. Pushing her down on the closed loo and shaking her head with a ‘what shall we do with you’ expression.
‘Oh Abby.’ Rose burst into another torrent of tears, unleashing it all and felt her friend come down to cradle her head.
Talk to me Rose.’ Abby lifted her chin with a concerned frown.
