47

So, he didn’t kiss you back?’ Abby was still limiting the damage to Rose’s make up with Kleenex and water, brushing her hair out and trying to bring some sense of normal back to her ravaged look. Kneeling in front of her in the tight cubicle.

‘No...Yes...No... I don’t know!’ She was sitting on the toilet lid, no longer crying, having recapped the sorry tale already.

‘Well he either did or he didn’t!’ Abby rummaged for a lip balm and started using it on Rose’s mouth.

‘He stopped me, but not like right away. He didn’t pull away, he just held me a second, mouth to mouth. Like a kiss but not an open mouth let’s take it further kiss. Just lips pressed on lips. Just sort of stopped and waited for a second to pull away.’ Rose sighed and took the balm herself to apply a generous layer, her mouth felt swollen from repeated lip biting when she had been howling her eyes out.

‘So, he did kiss you, he just didn’t let it get out of hand?’ Abby said thoughtfully.

‘I think he was more concerned with the fact I was drunk and emotional and he was trying to not make me worse.’

‘I have nothing!’ Abby slid down onto the floor in the tiny space. ‘Honestly I have no idea what the heck it even means. Without seeing how he was or anything. It’s Rob... He is sometimes a complete enigma to me.’ Abby sighed.

‘Thanks. He‘s your brother!’ Rose raised her palms in exasperation, if his sister had no clue what went on his head, then how would she?

‘Maybe he wanted to kiss you back, but he just knew he couldn’t.’ She raised an eyebrow, a helpful one to that charming voice.

‘Maybe he just didn’t want too and tried to spare my embarrassment.’ Again, Rose sighed, deflated and fast sobering up.

‘I thought you were done with him, Rose? Why did you even try?’

‘I don’t know...I wasn’t thinking about it, he was just being soo...’

‘Like when you were together?’ Abby blinked at her sympathetically, a hand coming to brush hair from her face and behind her ear.

‘Yes. I just wanted a moment of that back. I miss him so much it hurts.’ She dropped her gaze to the floor, shame washing over her at her stupid move. ‘I really am pathetic, aren’t I?’ A single hot tear escaped her eye and rolled down her now blushed, clean cheek. Abby moved towards her, dabbing at it with her tissue.

‘Your broken-hearted Rose! Not pathetic... Just struggling and all of this is enough to make any woman break.’

‘Why can’t he just keep his distance...? He’s always there. Always showing up to torture me! Always with her.’ She pulled the tissue from her friend and began shredding it between her fingers.

‘Maybe it’s time you let me talk to him?’ Her green eyes tinged with hope, she really wanted to end the way her friend was suffering but Rose shook her head.

‘I’ll be okay... I don’t want you two falling out over this. I don’t see that it would help in anyway, just cause drama Ab’s.’ She took a deep breath and straightened up purposefully ‘I’m going to go home and sleep this off. I’ll feel better! More in control. Less emotional. I promise! I just need time to get myself together and stop being so god damn stupid over him, I just need to accept that it’s done and get used to the fact we live in a tiny village and will see each other often.’

Abby looked doubtful but held her tongue and got up, squeezing together to pull open the small cubicle door. She watched her friend with an aching heart, knowing she was falling apart slowly and there was nothing she could do.

Her brother had a lot to answer for.

* * *

Her parents agreed that Rose needed some respite from the sun and alcohol and to have a sleep, assuming she had taken a turn of illness in the bathroom from too much of both. Her naked arms and cheeks were itchier red than blushing sun-kissed now and she looked weary and tired, only cementing the belief she had mild sun stroke and not heart break.

Abby promised to take care of them, but they brushed her away, assuring her at their age they did not need babysitters. As she kissed them goodbye near the fete entrance her mother pulled her close with purpose

‘Whoever he is! He’s an idiot and you deserve far more.’ She kissed her hard on the cheek, smoothing back her hair and bringing her daughter’s eyes to her maternal gaze. ‘We love you Darling, don’t forget that.’

Rose was shocked into silence, aware that her mother had a lot more insight than she had given her credit for. She felt the lump in her throat tighten and pushed down another sob. Hugging her mum tightly, she left them to go return to the fun of the day.

She was sobering up now, but still had a slight unsteadiness to her walk, feeling more Bambi-esque than drunken mess now. She headed through the arch made from white balloons indicating the way out. Her mind set on walking home and getting away from all this craziness.

She heard him call her name as she let a small group of kids slide by in front of her and felt herself instantly bristle inside.

For God’s sake!

Closing her eyes to regain her composure and fix a calm look on her face she turned towards his approaching frame. As always, devastatingly handsome and effortlessly casual. As always appearing to make her agony endless.

‘I’ve been looking for you.’ He said quickly, a strained tone to his voice, possibly a slight edge and she hated the way his mere presence seemed to drown out everything around her like an all-consuming black hole.

‘You found me.’ She kept her tone even, unreadable.

An old Rob trick.

‘I wanted to make sure you were okay.’ He was looking her over, appraising her calmer appearance and newly fixed make up. Probably wondering if he had imagined the whole thing.

‘Just dandy.’ She gestured down her length as if to say ’See.’

‘You look better.’ He sounded overly bright now, appearing friendly and upbeat. She was trying to focus on other things, using any passing person as an excuse to break away from his intense gaze and smile ‘hello’ in passing.

‘You mean I’m sobering up?’ She inwardly chastised herself for the tinge of bitchiness in her tone, knowing it would just ignite another argument. She just needed him to turn around and walk away, leave her alone.

‘I mean less upset.’ His tone gave her nothing, but his eyes had become fixed to her face and his body a little too close for comfort.

‘I got over it!’ She crossed her arms defensively across her chest, holding them. Praying he would get to the point and end this agony, this polite pretend friend’s conversation that had absolutely no point at all.

He didn’t say anything, just stood looking at her until the uneasiness forced her to speak instead.

‘Look, I’m going home! I don’t feel great and I need to lay down. So, if you don’t mind.’ She gestured for him to give her space as she moved to turn away, but he stopped her.

‘I’ll drive you. It’s a bit of a walk if you’re feeling ill.’ His hand on her upper arm seemed to burn.

‘No. It’s okay...You need to stop okay?’ She pulled her arm away from his hand, moving out of his reach.

‘Stop?’ He seemed to reel back slightly, confused.

‘This!... This coming to me. Talking to me. Seeing me around and acting like were mates and you can just come over and act normal!’ She hadn’t wanted to lose her cool and hushed her tones as more people passed, she wanted him to move back and give her space. His closeness suffocating her, making it hard to think straight. She just couldn’t control it anymore and he just wouldn’t let her go.

‘I’m trying to make it easier on you. On both of us.’ He said defensively in a lowered voice, more people moving past them and breaking his gaze for a second.

‘Well you’re not okay... You’re making it worse!’

‘I’m sorry, that’s not my intention.’ He lifted his eyes from her and was instead lost in a gaze over her head, a faraway look in his eyes. A troubled expression on his face and then a sudden statement she hadn’t expected ‘I just... Miss you!’ It was so quiet it was almost inaudible, but she heard it and it sent a breaking pain through every cell of her body. Seeing for the first time a slight hint of sadness in that calm controlled face.

She lost all traces of anger and instead just felt broken, that she had been hating him for being able to move on and here he was looking as sad as her; then in a fleeting moment, it was gone. He cleared his throat and his face returned to unreadable coolness. Return to typical Rob. A look of determination taking its place.

‘I’m still driving you home, though.’ He said with more strength to his voice.

She moved to argue but he slid his hand into hers, interlocking fingers in a way too intimate hold and pulled her in the direction of the manor, ignoring her protests. Cutting along the outside of the fete in full swing, his hot warm strong hand holding her in an inescapable grip and his stride pulling her onwards whether she wanted to or not. Trying to pull his hand off and free hers, he only tightened, and fighting was futile. She had no choice but be pulled along.

‘Did everything I say just get lost on you?’ She snapped, becoming breathless with the effort of his fast pace in heels on grass.

‘Nope.’ He was in stubborn, clamped down mode. Unreasonable Rob had returned, and she knew this side to him too well.

‘Then how is running me home helping?’ She gasped and tried to steady her pace to meet his. He did not respond, just pulled her past groups of smiling people, picking up eyebrows in interest as he dragged her by, leading the way purposefully.

‘Rob? Everyone’s looking.’ She was starting to become aware of the little whispers as they passed, the fleeting looks, and eyebrows raised, but he just shrugged. For the first time in a long time, he did not care at all. She realised with a huge sadness this was the first time he had held her hand in this way in public, first show of something more between them and it was only because they no longer were. She followed obediently willing him to let go, aware of the amount of people around who turned to look now and willing him to give her breathing time to settle again with a less fast pace.

’Rob?’ Morag’s voice shrilled over the crowd from the distance towards them, but he did not react. He did not even look her way. It repeated, this time higher pitched and annoyed and he turned in irritation without breaking his pace. Waving her a gesture, indicating five minutes and the briefest of glances, she seemed stunned into silence, stopping her pursuit. Rob carried on unphased and Rose’s skin felt like it was flaming. She was sure her blush had enveloped her entire face as she averted her eyes, avoiding the other woman’s nasty glare.

‘Rob? Really I...’ He cut her off mid-sentence, pulling her closer as they approached the gravel of the sweeping drive at the front of the house. His phone started ringing in his back pocket intrusively, pulling it from its nestling place she could see Morag’s name flashing boldly but he clicked the screen, switched off the phone and put it back in his pocket. Still holding her hand, he led her to his car neatly tucked under trees. The shade of the huge oak concealing it.

Pulling his keys and remotely unlocking it with a beep he pulled her to the passenger side and gently deposited her in the car, leaned in and clipped her seat belt over her; his face so close she could almost kiss him. He looked at her for a brief moment although said nothing and closed the door. Still not saying a word he walked around and joined her in the driver’s seat, within seconds they were heading down the long smooth road to the manor gates avoiding meandering people in their Sunday clothes. She watched his profile, feeling for the first time since knowing him that she was unsure as to what he was doing.

The journey was short and silent. He seemed to be concentrating on the road and she was unsure as to what to say, the roar and hum of his powerful car adding to the tension between them. He pulled into the cottage, stopping swiftly by the gate and jumped out as she was unbuckling her belt. Coming around to open her door as she slid up, aware of his closeness and tensed. His expanse of muscle and presence blocking her way., affecting her ability to breathe.

‘Thanks for the lift.’ All her fight had deserted her. She was now just very confused and feeling really unsure as to how to behave. He did not move, still blocking her escape.

‘Look. This is hard for me too. Can we talk? Just for a few minutes. In private, inside. I swear I’ll behave.’ That hint of humour in his eyes. Her head was screaming ‘No!’ but her heart was already leading him into the cottage, melting down into her stomach weakly. Did she have no self-control left at all?