64. What a gloomy house.

Elena.

It had been raining for hours now, the steady patter of water against my raincoat long since faded to a dull rush in the back of my mind. The thick wool was almost soaked through. I didn't know if it would ever be dry again.

I tramped my way along the rutted, muddy trail in irritated silence. It was supposed to be a full moon tonight. Not that I could tell; the clouds above stopped any light from aiding me on stupid stroll back to the house. I had a torch in my bag- any sensible person does- but God knows it wouldn't light in this downpour.

A piercing gust of wind shook the trees above my head, showering my already miserable frame with a fresh deluge. I wiped the water from my eyes with a wet sleeve and tucked a lock of my long brown hair back under the protection of my hood. What I wouldn't give for an umbrella, or a lantern. But I had to be away from the gloominess of the house one way or the other, raining or not.

It was even starting to tell a great toll on me as I could not bear to keep looking at the alpha and the entire pack in so much sadness while waiting for Mia to be better. She had been unconscious for close to a week now, and even though she had been responding to treatments like the pack doctor had told us all, it was hard to even form smiles on our lips because what kind of response was that if she had not even opened her eyes since the accident happened.

Diego has refused everyone’s touch and that includes mine since this had happened, he has continued to cry so sadly both unconsciously and during his sleeps, not knowing what to do to pacify him makes me even sadder because I knew what would be going through the little’s boy’s mind having lot his mother two years ago in the same manner. Nobody deserves to be witnessing things like that over and over at his young age, no matter what.

Alpha had not said a word to anybody in the house, except the pack doctor, at least not that I know of, he has been distraut. There was nothing left of his happiness. Everything was gone. It wasn’t anger that took it. He did not look like he even felt anything anymore at all, but his face said otherwise. He could hardly keep himself together. I once even caught him shaking so vigorously like he was going through a panic attack.

Me myself have been feeling like I was going crazy from all the darkness and gloom that had been clouding the house so as soon as I get in from the rain, I dried myself and refreshed in my room and the I went to talk to Mrs. Cali about it.

“Why were you out in the woods while it was raining, dear? Do you wish to catch a cold?” She asked me as she patted my back sadly, it was obvious that she was also going through her own part of sadness concerning everything that had been happening but she was able to mask hers perfectly well while trying to cheer every other person up.

“ I felt like the cold would at least do something to wash away the dread and sadness that I have been feeling, Mrs. Cali but it was just a lie, it did not even do a thing, not even momentarily. I really wish that there was a way that we could magically light up this house and make everybody laugh, even if it is for a second, ugh!” I said at the same time that Camila walked into the lounge form God knows where.

“Well, I have an idea! How about we go out and just get wasted, trust me alcohol is one thing that is sure to make you forget everything momentarily and even feel like nothing is going on, or maybe we just throw a little dinner around the house and make everyone dress up while we sneak some alcohol for ourselves and forget ourselves for the night, what do you say?” Camila said and I looked at her in silence for what seemed like a very long time.

I just could not believe that all of that insensitive stuff had really come out of her mouth.

“Are you making some kind of joke, Camila?” I asked her first, just to be sure, before I lash out on her.

“Of course not, I am dead serious!” She replied, while acting like I was supposed to praise her for her suggestion or something.

“Seriously? When did you start taking lessons from people like Madam Beatrice and Sofia? I thought you were better than this? You are saying we should go out and party or throw a dinner and sneak off to get drunk in our rooms while Mia remains unconscious? While the Alpha is brooding? While Diego would not even let anyone near him? Not everything can be solved by your cheeriness and a bottle of alcohol, Camila. Everything in life is not just about partying!” I scolded her in a stern voice.

The sad look on her face went to tell me that I might have been too harsh with my words and I regretted it instantly, of course we were all hurt about what was happening, she had been sad all through too, I was sure that she was only trying to help in the way she knew also and I should not have shut her down that harshly.

Camila looked very hurt by my words, “I am so sorr...” I started to retrace my words and apologize but she was being sensitive at the time and she shut me down, “just save it, Elena! Of course, that’s what you think of me too, I thought you are my friends, a best friend even, one that understands me perfectly well but you secretly think of me as some airhead who is all about fun and parties like a lot of people think of me, even when I am only trying to help in the way I thought was okay, I should have known that people are not exactly different from one another, thank you for reminding me of that part!” She said as she walked away and towards her room.

“Camila! I do not mean it that way, I promise. I am so sorry, please!” I started to apologize and also tried to go after her, only for Mrs. Cali to stop me.

“Do not bother yourself for now, dear. Going after her now will only result in more words being exchanged between you two, her tempers are very high at the moment and whenever she is like that, it is best to just let her cool off, you do not want to poke her even more. She can be very stubborn during this moment. Just let her be, when she cools off, she will definitely come around.” Mrs. Cali told me and I nodded.

But then, even after an hour thereabout, I was still being disturbed about what had happened between Camila and I so I decided to go downstairs to her room, I got off my own bed and out of my room but when I pass by the alpha’s room, my legs seemed to stop as I found his door opened, I peeped in and I found him brooding with his head in his hands while only in his underwear.

I worried so much about him especially after that moment that I had witnessed with him in Mia’s room days ago. I was shocked to see him in nothing but his underwear but I could not leave him be as usual.

“What do you want, Elena?” He asked me in a very stern and scary tone but I refused to be scared of it. He had isolated himself from the pack for days now and I knew just how much pain he was going through at the moment, he needs to let them all out, if me being a tool for him to lash out and get out all of that anger was what would help, then I did not mind at all.

I walked into the room and closer to him, “stay away from me right now, Elena, I do not want to see you!” He snapped again but I continued to move closer, wherever the bravery came from, I was not sure, but I was sure it had something to do with the fact that I felt the obligation and need to try as much as I could to take away his pain in anyway that I could.

I could understand his pain and I refused to let it get to me. I reached him and placed my hand on his face. He held my waist and then pulled me down to eye level as he was seated on the bed. “You have one last chance to leave now if you know that you are still very scared of me, Elena, because I might now be able to let you go this time.” He said to me.

“I am not scared, not now at least. I am not afraid at all and I will not run away either.” I responded to him, remaining adamant.

He then slowly grabbed my neck and we shared a kiss, one that was not like the other ones we had ever shared. This one felt more meaningful and passionate, it was explosive and magical but it was obvious that he wanted to take more than that kiss, I could feel it in the hungry way his hands were roving over my body. I was shocked to realize that I wanted it too, that I wanted it even badly but I could not do away with that niggling guilt that we were taking a selfish time away for ourselves when Mia was still unconscious.

The alpha must have thought the same as he broke the kiss and the turned away from me, “Leave, Elena. Please, just leave.” He said as he refused to look at me.

As I walked out of his room, I could not help but feel like what Salvatore used to call me. I could not help but feel cheapened like a whore.