Chapter 39: Aaron

Finally, after two weeks, Samantha calls her psychiatrist friend Aaron to come over and talk to her. Kelly just ignores him for a bit, but he keeps talking to her till she acknowledges him. She looks at him, while he loosens his tie. He has blonde hair, and gray eyes just like hers. He is starting to get a five-o clock shadow on his handsome pale face as he starts to unwind. At first glance he looks strait-laced, but she knows he has a tattoo under his shirt. He sees her staring at him and asks her, “Do you think you could ever love anyone again?” She is surprised that he asks her that.

She turns to him and asks, “Have you ever lost anyone that you felt you couldn’t live without?”

He thought about it for a minute, “Yes, I have in a way.”

Kelly glances at him, “What do you mean?”

He looks Kelly straight in the eye, “You never answered my question, did you? Can you ever love anyone again?”

“I don’t know if I can afford to. If my heart breaks one more time I might just die.” She starts to cry, so he gives her a warm hug.

“I think I have tortured you enough for today, I will see you tomorrow after I get out of work. O.k.?” he smiles. She nods. After he leaves, she sits quietly and wonders why he would not answer her question.

Each day he comes over after work to talk with her, and Kelly feels a little bit better. Aaron talks with her and makes her laugh. She really starts to feel comfortable with him, so she asks him, “Aaron, what did you mean the other day when you said you had lost someone in a way? It might help me to feel better if I know that you have gone through something too.”

Aaron glances at the floor, “Well, I don’t know if I should tell you this and I wouldn’t if you weren’t a good friend. It’s just not professional of me.” He stares at the way the shadows play on the wall.

“A few years ago, we met at a party and talked for hours. I was so attracted to you and there was such a connection, that I fell in love with you instantly. You were happily married, so I never said anything. At the time, I was simply happy to be your friend. At least I could be in your life.” He stops and thinks carefully of what he is going to say.

“When your husband died, I began to think that someday maybe we could be happy, but you never seemed ready to move on. Then Samantha told me that you had a man in your life and that it was complicated. I found out later, that it was really two men. I was shocked.” He looks really hurt. She just wants to hug him, but refrains.

“Then just before you got married in Paris, Samantha told me about it. I was devastated. So even though I never had you, I know now that I never will.” His heart feels like a weight has been lifted from it.

Kelly sees him start to get up. “Wait, I never knew that you felt that way. I am so sorry.” She gets up and grabs his arm. “Please don’t leave.” She starts to cry. “I need you. You have helped me so much already. I didn’t think I would ever get out of my bad dream, but when you talk to me, I forget about it for a little while. You make me laugh. Thank you.” He hugs her and wipes her tears with his hand.

“I won’t leave if you forget about what I just told you. I had a moment of weakness.” He looks into her eyes.

“Fine, I won’t talk about it.” She hugs him back. When she lets go, he wipes the hair out of her face.

“So, tell me about your neighbor. What’s going on with that?” He laughs.

Kelly glances away, “I thought for a couple months that we were going to get married, but I screwed that one up. He still comes over every day to check on me, but Samantha sends him away.”

“Why?” He asks.

“Because I can’t deal with him. There are just too many emotions I have. I am afraid that if I get involved with him again, then he will die too.”

“You can’t be afraid to live. I realize that you have lost two husbands, but it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes bad things just happen. You should ask yourself if you really loved him? Because when Julian swept you away, you did not even think about Grayson once the whole time. Did you?” He asks.

Kelly thought about it, “No I didn’t, but then again Julian always took my breath away because he was so charismatic. Why couldn’t I love them both at the same time? But I guess you are right. I must figure out if I ever really loved him enough to share the rest of my life with him.”

Aaron gets up, “Well, I think you have enough to think about till tomorrow. I must be getting home now. It is getting late, and I have to get up early in the morning for work. See you tomorrow.” Kelly hugs him. The warmth of his body comforts her, as she holds onto him. Her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.” She looks at him as she keeps a hold on him. The smell of his cologne makes her excited for some reason. She starts to blush as she realizes that she is still holding him. She backs away and looks into his eyes, “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry; I am just glad I can be here for you. See you tomorrow.” He walks out the door.

She finally comes out of her room. Samantha runs to her, “Is everything alright?”

Kelly glances at her, “I think so. Aaron is so nice to come here after work every day to help me. Without him I wouldn’t be out of my room.” Looking around, she notices that there are red roses everywhere.

Samantha tells her, “They are from Grayson. You probably should let him know that you are o.k. He has been so worried about you. I have been too.”

“Samantha, thank you for everything. Without you I could not have gotten through this. I have realized that I can’t keep going on this way.”

“I knew that you would get through it with help. That is why I called Aaron. I figured he could help you better than anyone. He is a professional, after all.” Samantha admitted.

“Samantha. Did Aaron ever tell you that he has feelings for me?”

Samantha thinks about it for a few minutes, “Yes, I think he did when John was still alive. Of course, nothing ever came of it. I just figured he got over it. Why?”

Kelly looks away, “He just told me. I do not know how I feel about it. He is such a great guy. I just have never thought of him as anything but a friend.”

“Where are the girls?” Kelly asks. “I told you three weeks ago that I sent them to our parents for the rest of the summer. I figured it would give you the time you needed to recuperate, and they would love the time with mom and dad.”

“Thank you so much, you’re a life saver Samantha. Well, I suppose that I probably should go over and say hi to Grayson before bed. Just to let him know that I am feeling a bit better.”

“Are you sure about that? Usually if you go over there you end up sleeping over there.” Samantha looks at her.

“I will be back. I am not sure how I feel about him anymore. I need time to work it out and sleeping with him will not help.” She assures her. She walks across the road and knocks on the door.

“Hi.” Surprised, he welcomes her in. “How are you doing? I came by every day and left you some flowers. Did you get them?”

“I’m getting better and yes thank you they are all so beautiful. You are so wonderful to think of me every day.”

“When I found out that you were getting married, I was so upset. I understand now. Once I got over being mad, I was happy for you.” He looks out the window to see the breeze gently blowing.

“When I heard what happened I was so sad. I just wanted you to be happy because I still love you and always will.” He leans in and gives her a kiss softly. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

She looks into his eyes, “It’s o.k. I understand. I just do not know anymore how I feel. I’m afraid if I feel something for you, you will die too. After all, I am too young to be a widow twice. Let alone three times. If we have a relationship, I must be able to keep my feelings out of it. I simply can’t take another broken heart.”

He glances away, “I don’t know if I can have a relationship with you that way. I love you so much. Every time I would touch you it would remind me of what should have been. Of how much I wish that I had asked you to marry me, instead of Julian. Every day I regret it. I just thought it would seem like it was too soon, and I wanted you to choose me over him, but you didn’t. So, for the moment, I am going to have to stay just your neighbor. Maybe, someday you will change your mind and we can be more again.”

“I’m sorry.” She frowns, deciding she better leave and walks back across the road.

Emotionally drained, Kelly tells Samantha, “We are no longer in a relationship. He wants more than I can give him. I told him that I couldn’t afford to love again. He would not accept just having a sexual relationship. So, I had to leave.”

Samantha gives her a hug, “I’m so sorry.”

“I need to go to bed, I can’t handle any more of this right now.” She goes to her bedroom and changes into her night gown. Just before she goes to sleep, she thinks about how she would have loved to marry Grayson, but was she in love with him before? Or was it just the thought of him. She didn’t know.”