Chapter 57

“Cara… please.” My voice is begging and desperate.

She tightens her hold on my throat, I wheezed in both pain and surprise. She never goes beyond just holding my neck. This was the first time she instilled pain while holding me, not unless she’s furious. Do my feelings enrage her?

Tears pooled in my eyes at the realization. She doesn’t feel the same way. She doesn’t want me.

My hand clasped her wrist in an unhurried motion. I nodded at her. “I’ll go.” She then let me go.

I stare at her for a while. Her cold look squeezed my heart in agony. I never thought I could love a woman this way. I couldn’t even fight with all I’ve got. What’s even my all when this woman already has everything… a lot more than I have? What’s a simple man like me offer her? Love is simply not enough.

Wordlessly, I turned around. I stopped short as my hand clasped the handle. I remembered one of the small reasons why I was also adamant to be here. “By the way, please transfer the shares to your name. The company… I don’t need it.” I said without turning back and left her office, not waiting for her to answer back.

As I walked out, I met Franco who had just put his phone in his pocket. “How did it go?” He asked in a frown. I’m sure he already noticed how miserable I look and judging from the frown that marred his face.

I shrugged in response. “I’m sure you could guess.” His frown deepens. His mouth starts to open to speak but then pauses. He starts to speak again.

“I’ll drive you back.” I try to refuse his offer but then realize that there’s probably no cab here that passes so I just nod. “Can you wait for me though? I need to do something first.”

I looked at him pensively. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to wait for you here.” If she sees me still present here, she’s going to be furious.

Franco took me to his room instead and let me wait for him there. I didn’t argue since his work seemed to be urgent. He fled immediately as soon as he brought me to his room.

Minutes turned to hours. The sun already set hours ago and there’s still no sign of Franco. I almost fell asleep on his bed. I was hungry but with my nerves wracking and unstable mind, I didn’t have any appetite. I couldn’t go out on my own, thinking I might meet Cara in her halls.

I spent hours waiting, inevitably filling my mind with Cara. No matter how much I wanted to push her out, she cemented herself there. It’s frustrating because I’m trying to move on for the third time.

How long will this love last?

My phone rang. It was an unknown caller ID but I thought it might be Franco. Indeed, it was him.

“Shit, Dylan. I’m sorry. I totally forgot about you. I left in a hurry. I had to take care of something.” Franco said frantically.

“I figured that.” I didn’t expect this to happen but I understood him. He was always like this ever since I met him.

“It would’ve been more convenient if I had brought you earlier. It fucking slipped my mind. I’m sorry if I had made you wait for hours but I’m on my way right now. I’ll meet you at the entrance.”

My eyes widened. “What? No. She’ll see me if I prance outside like a visitor.” I said panically.

“No worries. I know for sure boss is already out cold. We were out last night until daybreak. She only had a few hours of sleep and woke up again for work. You will not meet her, I promise.” He reassured me.

“Alright.”

“Meet me in fifteen.” We then both ended the call.

Before stepping out, I booked a flight back home. My schedule is in three hours so I still have enough time to prepare. I don’t want to waste my time here. Italy was already too much for me. It screams Cara– the woman who I love crazily.

However, when I walked through the halls, I suddenly didn’t want to go. Or at least I want to say goodbye to her… for good.

It’s like I want to hold on to something that would retain her or the memory of her. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up the company. I truly didn’t want it or need it but if it is something that connects us…

I sighed. I had extra ten minutes left. I thought as I looked at my phone for the time. The place is huge for me to look for her room. I braved myself to send a text to Franco asking where her room was. My heart was in my mouth as I waited for his reply. And when my phone pinged, I hurriedly read his text and in no second thoughts went to where her room was located.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled, shaking away my mixed emotions which I really don’t need right now. It will only hinder my plans.

One last time. I thought as I pushed the door. I was happy that she left it unlocked. Despite my decision, I still tiptoed inside. I dared to see her again and yet here I am, sneaking like a fucking thief.

I watched her sleep soundly. I feel like a creep right now but who cares. I just want to look at her one last time, engrave her face forever in my mind because I doubt we’ll see each other again.

She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t feel the same way as I do. I love her and yet the world doesn’t agree — she doesn’t agree. Probably because I wasn’t worth it. I know she’s not willing to drop everything for me but I certainly do. I came here knowing there’s a chance that I would rarely see my family again, perhaps I wouldn’t anymore. It was her or my normal ordinary life with my family. With Leandro around, I no longer need to work so hard because he’s always there for us, for them. I would have the chance to stay with my family with no stress or pressure on how to support them. But coming here meant that I chose not to.

I chose her. And they supported me on that. Alas, I can’t force her to return my feelings. I can’t force my love on her when she rejects it. It had taken too long for me to realize that. I had been back and forth about it because a part of me was scared, a part of me insanely wanted her regardless.

So this is goodbye. For good. Forever.

I kneel to the side of her bed. My eyes never left her face and her entirety. I had been lucky to be with her even for a short time– a beautiful unreachable woman like her.

My hand was itching to touch her but I held myself back. I settled on memorizing every inch of her from a distance. So near yet so far.

“I love you.” I managed to say after debating telling her everything from my mind. “I wanted to say a lot of things and part of me still wants to fight. You’ve crushed my heart so many damn times that I lost count.” My voice was that of a whisper. In the end, I was too much of a coward. I’m still afraid of her rejection despite already knowing it. It will only confirm everything more.

“And yet I still don’t want to give up. I still love you like the first time I knew I had feelings for you. If not, more. It sucks because I’ve never felt this way before. You are all my firsts. No matter how much I want to move on, deep inside, I know I don't want to. I know that you’ll be etched in my mind for eternity. It’s painful but I really don’t want to forget you, Cara. I love you.” I sniffed, holding my tears back. I don’t want to cry. She’ll wake up.

“I guess now I could finally say that my love for you is enough– requited or not. And I understand that I will never be worthy of you. And I accepted that I will never be yours and you will never be mine. But know that I will always love you. Truly. Goodbye… Cara-”

Her hand suddenly wrapped around my throat, her gray eyes were staring at mine with a familiar coldness. She was too fast, I didn’t notice her waking up and moving. I blinked and then her hand was already around my neck, her upper half leaning towards me.

My eyes filled with tears, widened in shock.