Apologies

Jenna/Sr. Claire

Some people always said heaven is a paradise for everyone while others say not everyone will go there. I do believe both but if I have sinned a little would the door of heaven still be open for me after repenting in the purgatory.

I think God will have mercy on my soul. Will he? I haven't killed anyone or do worse crimes than other people do but I know I have sinned.

Blinking my eyes open the first thing I see is the ceiling. When I fell from the window down to the ground, I knew God will save me.

He saved me not to be in heaven but to live again in this world. I still have things that I need to face and mend before going peacefully to his heaven. I believe we all are given a chance. However, we always blew on those chances.

I felt a hand on my hand which brought me out of my thoughts and then a gasp from someone. I turn to find the woman who gave birth to me looking at me with tears in her eyes. They are about to fall.

"Jenna," she says with excitement. Standing up she threw her arms around me. "Oh, my Claire....my Jenna" she cries, forgetting what she blurted out.

I didn't make a move. I didn't even hug her in return. As if sensing my discomfort and lack of compassion for her she pulled away from me. She wipes off her tears and forced a smile.

The nerve of this woman to smile at me. It's making me sick to my stomach. I didn't smile back like I used to. I ignore her and look up to the ceiling. The sight of her made me cringe and filled me with disgust.

I hear her cries, but I didn't even bother. There is no kindness in my soul. It's like I come back from the dead with no soul and mercy. I am now Jenna. A different version of Jenna and not Sr. Claire. I have accepted that I am Jenna but not the people around me.

I hear the door open followed by the voices that I am too familiar with. "Jen- Sr. Claire" Shawn let out a gasp, then followed by Colby and lastly the voice I despise the most.

I hate that bitch. I wish I take back all my kind words and hurt her instead. I wish I had retaliated when she said all those hateful things to Jenna, none other than me. I regret being nice to her and the others. It got me wondering why she is here. The last time I check she hates Jenna and so she hates my presence.

I glance in their direction and see them looking at me with relief and without acknowledging their presence, I ignore them and face up to the ceiling. What a wonderful sight to see yet disgusting at the same time.

"You're awake" I heard Shawn say.

I didn't even move. "Sr. Claire" I felt his hand rest on my right hand. I shrug it off and put my hands on my chest.

"Cla-"

"Get out," I told them with no emotion. I feel another hand on my shoulder. I shrug it away and turn my back on them.

"Get the fuck out" I coldly told them.

I hear growls and gasps from behind me. Again, I didn't bother to look back at them. The sight of them will only fuel my anger.

"Claim-"

The person didn't get to complete my forsaken name as the door slammed open.

"Jenna" I close my eyes hearing my last name. I know who just came in the door.

Lucia. The old woman survives, and I thank God for letting the woman live. However, to hear her say my name made me filled with so many emotions. I squeeze my eyes shut.

The room fell into complete silence. My haters must have realized the situation.

"Je-Je-Jena" I felt a touch on my palm which made me flinch. I sit up straight on the bed and glared at the person who tries to touch me. How dare she touch my hand.

"Jenna I am so sorry. Please forgive me" Hailey immediately got on her knees begging me to forgive her. The nerve of this bitch to ask for my forgiveness. Instead of feeling heart forgiving, I felt rage burn within me.

"Shut up" I mutter under my breath.

"I am sorry" she cries.

Colby looked conflicted between his mate and me. In the end, he gets down beside her and begs me to forgive her. These people didn't know the pain they made me go through as Jenna. I hear her say sorry again, but my reply was the same. However, she didn't seem to hear me. When she cries sorry again, I ended up screaming back at her.

"SHUT UP...SHUT UP" I violently shook my head no while covering my ears as tears flow from my eyes.

"Get out, get out...GET OUT" I yell from the top of my lungs and hit on my chest.

I hear Lucia telling them it's best if they leave me alone. Colby drags his mate out. Shawn looks on with sadness before he left. There is one person who refused to leave. I hate her and I want her to get out too, but the woman is stubborn. I watch her with tears in my eyes as she slowly sinks to her knees before me. I shook my head no.

"Why?" I cry. She just lowered her head bowing to me while sobbing.

"Jenna, I am sorry" she sobbed. I shook my head no.

She can't do this to me. I am not God and I definitely do not want this and need this now. I am too hurt and too broken to hear any more apologies. In the church, they taught forgiveness, but this is too much for me.

Fine, if she refused to go then I will. I turn around refusing to believe her words. I pull out the IVs from my left arm. I put on the slippers and run out of there.

I hear people calling and my mother's loud sob, calling out my name but I keep running to wherever my feet may lead me. I stop only to take a break and release a long agonizing painful scream. Catching the attention of so many people around me. They all look at me in pity and try to help me, but I stop them.

Screaming at them to stay away from me. After all, these people had been doing nothing but pain to me, the fucking gullible Jenna.

I push through them and start to run again; this time I went in the park's direction. I wanted to go to the church, however, this is a werewolf world. I know they don't pray to God but believe in the moon goddess.

The woman I once believe and put my trust in when I was a werewolf but not anymore.

When I make it to the aisle of the river at the edge of the park, I let out a painful scream. I didn't even care if they think I am crazy. The pain is too deep for me to take. After all, I am just another human who needs to let out any emotions I withheld.