The Truth

Clary's POV

It does really make sense. My mom never treated me like how she treated Andrea, she only favors Andrea and never been me. It was always her priority to give everything to my sister. My father, dad, had never said a single word when I am being scolded by mom. He would always be quiet and let my mom do everything she wants to do with me. It is probably guilt because of cheating to her, it was probably the guilt of letting me born in this world.

It makes sense too why I never shared any facial features with mom, that I have different features as compared to my sister. Now that it started to make sense, I am not sure if I should be happy with the truth or not. I have been the child of a forbidden love, I was made out of mistake and it hurts. It hurts to know the truth this way.

Is it supposed to hurt like this? The revelation that my sister had attempted to plot a murder against me is still too much for me to bear. I can't still comprehend that fact and now, a revelation that the mother that I have been known since I am born is not my biological mother. It was too much for me to bear, these informations are too much for me to contain in just one day.

It was as if I woke up in the same body and setting but my story has changed. It seemed like the first life that I have lived was nothing but a thousand lies and now is the second one where things are started to unfold.

"We are your family and we have been watching you from afar ever since," the old woman said while she was trying to look at m with care, afraid that I might burst with everything that I had just learned.

Watch? How could they only watch when I am being treated like trash in that household where I don't belong? Now I am starting to think where I really belong to. Where should I fit, then? How am I supposed to understand everything at once? I know I couldn't.

"Why did you not raise me? If you really look at me from afar, you must know that it has been hard for me!" I burst out of frustration and the tears began falling in my eyes again. I am frustrated with the fact that I could have grown in an environment where I wouldn't blame myself for being not good enough. I am frustrated with the thoughts that I could have been live a life where I am not being compared with the sister who has almost killed me twice. I could have been and it would probably better than suffering in that family.

"Before your mother died, her last wish was to let you, her daughter, to grow up normally with your father. It was her wish for us and we wanted to keep that promise." She answered with the sadness lingering both in her eyes and voice.

After the revelation that I am not the daughter of the mother that I have known, it was another revelation that my biological mother was already dead and I can't meet with her. I couldn't meet her and ask the things that a real daughter would do. It was the reality that I will not be able to spend another time with my biological mother. How do the things supposed to be better?

"She wanted to name you Erina, she would always call you that name when you were still in her womb. She have loved you even before you were born. You were the greatest treasure in her life."

The words that she just said made me cry even more. I feel robbed with the time, I could have spent my time with her and not with the family that treated me like a trash. We could have lived together and have that mother-daughter relationship which I always admire from others. It is always be the could have been. Now, it is too late to do so and experience such things.

"Was she grateful for having me?" I asked with my tears still falling out of my eyes. I could imagine her embracing me in her arms, I could imagine my mother loving me the way mother loved their child. It is only in my mind and I will never experience it.

"She loved you, more than anything...more than her own life," she nodded as she stated those words.

I smiled while sobbing with the tears not stopping. It was nice to know that someone really did loved me, it was comforting after everything that I have experience. But I am craving for more, I am craving for more time with her...and it is not possible.

The last dream that I had to see her, I ran away from her and now I am too guilty for that. I should have felt that she is my biological mother. I should have felt that we are connected, I should have embraced her in that dream and told her the things that have been bothering me. It is how a mother-daughter relationship goes, right? But I am robbed with that even before I know.

"Erina, right?" I asked as I wiped down the tears in my eyes.

The old woman, who is now my grandmother, looked surprised when I mentioned that name, but she nodded otherwise.

Too furious with the fact that I have been robbed a life by living with the family that I don't belong to, I replied, "that would be my name from now on. Clary is dead anyway..." It was, by far, the clearest thing that I have ever thought of.

My grandmother stood up and hugged me tightly, with her eyes starting to get teary.

I was relieved by her hug, must have been the feeling of being loved.