Not Lifeless

Clary's POV

The night was bloody cold. It was cold enough to make me feel numb about everything that has happened. I felt lonely and I wish that by doing this to Andrea will bring my child back. I wish it could make my child alive again because I am really yearning to hold her and spend the rest of my life looking at her. I wish it will just be that way but some wishes are not supposed to be fulfilled. The more that I am spending my time here, the more I realize that my child will never be coming back to life, it will not bring back my child.

I was a ruthless mother for not letting my child see the world, I was reckless for letting this woman killed my child.

I kicked Andrea's abdomen, she coughed blood at that moment, the force my body released is more than I expected, it was that my strength is getting stronger every second but I could still feel the poison inside my body. It didn't invade my body wholly yet, but with the more time I spend here, I knew, I will see my child wherever she is.

Even though I have never seen my child, I knew, I could feel that she is a girl, the instinct of being a mother won't betray me.

Looking at Andrea, I couldn't feel anything but madness, it may not be seen in my eyes, but in my heart and my mind, I am killing her. The blood that she have coughed was a small amount as compared to the blood that I lost before.

I cannot control myself anymore, I felt numb and empty tonight. I just hope that making her suffer would somehow fill in that emptiness. I just hope that it could somehow make everything alright and justified. The more I hope that it will, the more force I exert in kicking her.

Will I ever be back to the same I was before once I end this tonight? Will I ever be back to being Clary once I woke up one morning without the existence of Andrea?

She cannot run away right now, her knees were both broken. The stab that I made at her sternum earlier is painful, I guess... because the wound that she gave me in my sternum is aching too. She was already helpless in the ground however I felt numbed to pity her because I remember myself being at that position and she never did spare me some pity before. I am no saint to give her the thing that she failed to give me. I am not saint... and I am probably not different with Andrea. This Erina, is the opposite of Clary, I could kill... I might be ruthless but I don't care.

I kicked her left shoulder so hard that I heard her bones cracking. She winced out of pain and it was so nice to see, I licked my lip liking the taste of her sufferings but something is different within me.

"Beg, Andrea... Beg." I said with no emotions, feeling empty by hurting her with the force that I can as I continuously kicked her. I wonder why I do not feel anything, why I do not feel guilty of my doings. I wonder why I still feel empty even with the sight of her in pain. Andrea looks accomplished and delightful while she was doing this to me before, she was happy hurting me, she was happy seeing me in pain. But... why can't I feel it too? I don't feel happy nor sad... I feel nothing.

She was able to laughed at me after all those kicks that I have given her, "b-beg your ass, C-Clary. I n-never beg a-and I never w-will." She was having difficulty in saying those words, probably because of all the pain that I have inflicted to her.

But even with those words, my emotions were still the same, I knew my face looks empty, it looks blank. She can't be able to move but I don't care, maybe if I do more it will satisfy me.

"I'll make you do it, then..." I said with still the emptiness lingering within me.

I kicked her other shoulder and I probably did it much stronger as earlier because she winced out of pain and it made her rolled over to the ground. Again, I still cannot feel anything. I should do more, probably by then, I would be able to feel something.

I never heard Cordia the moment I got here in the Homer Pack, I never know what she is thinking right now and I don't care what she will say after this.

I really hoped earlier that Andrea will put up a good fight. Now, she is a helpless wolf who cannot defend herself. I was a little disappointed for that fact. I hoped for more, I expected more from her knowing that she is the future Luna of her pack.

I bent down on my knees and get my other dagger on my sleeves.

I pointed it into her stomach and stabbed her skin, "This is where one of the bullet landed on me that night..." I said with emotionless voice.

"Here, too..." I stabbed her knee... her shoulder... her arm... Every part where the bullets have landed on me. Every corner of it. She winced in pain every time I do that.

I smirked.

"Still not begging for forgiveness?"

George's POV

Xylo went to me, saying that he will not be marrying Andrea. He apologize for not doing so. I couldn't disagree with him, knowing that Andrea is not his mate.

This makes me remember my other daughter, she could have lived a wonderful life with her mate... with this man. I was a fool for not letting her. It was all my fault for letting all the sufferings she had experienced. I could have give her a better life, a happier life with her mate but because of my pride and idiocracy I lost my precious daughter.

Xylo and I were currently talking outside their castle when one of his men went towards us "Alpha." He called.

"Let's talk after this." He said to his subordinate, pertaining to our conversation.

His subordinate looked at me and bowed down his head as he turned his gaze back to Xylo, "It's urgent, Alpha."

Xylo just nodded as a sign of approval, he looks serious, he always looked deadly serious that started when Clary... my child died.

"Clary Vertina has entered the border. There was a sight of her moving into Vertina's territory..." His words made me trembled. Shocked.

I could not believe what he said or my hearings have loosened. I cannot comprehend his words. I was trying to decode every words he said when Xylo and his subordinate immediately dashed out and started running.

I was not able to think, my hands are trembling with the news I heard. How was she alive? I saw her dead in my arms. Was it truly, Clary? My... child?

I was out of daze and the only thing that I could do is run too... to check if whether what he said was right. I keep up to their pace and when the three of us arrived at our house, there was no one. There were only some traces of blood.

My heart started racing fast that all I could hear was the beating... is it true? My child is alive?

Xylo moved after that, running away from our house. He seemed like to know where to go which made me follow him. He was quiet and I was confused.

I know he knows where to go, his heart will lead to her mate... the bond within them is still there on their hearts... it will never be broken especially that they have already mated.

We arrived at the forest. And I stopped, unable to move on my spot anymore, Clary was alive! I felt my soul light up, however I was not able to think when I recognized what was happening, I saw her holding her a bloodied dagger and on the ground was Andrea, with all the wounds in her body.

My heart beats faster than it was, mixed emotions filled me, I couldn't think clearly, whether I'll be happy or scared.

"Still not begging for forgiveness?" Clary asked with emotionless tone. She was different, she looked so empty with those eyes... they were lifeless, there was no life in her... she was so frightening to look at.

Her eyes was dark and empty. It looks like she is no longer in control of herself.

"N-never." Andrea answered with almost a whisper because she's getting weaker and it made Clary's eyes darker than it was... it was full of rage. I couldn't move my feet even though how much I wanted to, I feel stuck with every single happening in front of me.

She was about to stab Andrea once again when Xylo made a move as he run towards Clary, stopping her from doing it. Xylo hugged her tight not to make any move.

That happened before I was able to believe in my eyes and run towards Andrea. She was almost lifeless, the bleeding was everywhere.

Clary seemed to wake up from emptiness when I saw her eyes changes in a sudden emotion, but she was still trying to get away from Xylo to go after Andrea.

I still cannot understand it... everything, what was happening!?