Coming Out
60. Coming out
🤍🖤💜 Jacob 💜🖤🤍
By the time I reach home, my doubts about Natalie, along with my anxiety about my due talk with Dad, make my stomach churn. I sent Natalie a quick text to make myself feel better and head inside to see June sitting in the living room. I saw Dad’s car in the driveway so I know he did take rest of the day off.
June smirks at me, but I am not amused. I wonder how my parents will entertain themselves when I am gone to college. Will they subject June to the same shit I usually face? I would love to see that.
“Oh, honey... You are home early!” Mom welcomes me with an extra cheerful voice. “Do you want something to eat?”
I shake my head and ask, “Where is dad?”
She goes quiet then says, “In the study… Listen to him patiently Jacob, it’s for your own good.”
I frown and nod. I walk inside the study to see him holding a glass of whiskey, standing by the window.
Drink in the afternoon?
“Close the door.” He says in a strange tone.
I follow and then stand near the table.
“Take a seat.”
“No, I am fine,” I say casually.
“I said take a seat.”
Interesting.
The conversation hasn’t started, and power play is already happening. I look at him for a moment to contemplate where this conversation will eventually go.
He sighs, pulls his chair to sit down, then gestures to me to sit again. I follow suit...
“How is the new school?”
“It’s good.”
He asks me some random questions about my new friends, hockey practice, and How I am feeling about college?
Then he finally asks, “Are you seeing any girl?
I know this is why I am here. A few weeks ago, June had told me Mom thinks I am asexual. I didn’t rectify mom because I do not want to discuss being Demi with my parents. I dread their ignorant attitude. I cannot stomach one more comment about ‘it just being a phase’ or worse ‘I should get myself checked’. I have heard these poorly educated suggestions too many times from others. I don’t want to hear it from my parents too. This is why I actively avoid this topic.
And I am sure dad will brush it off as some fancy word.
“Not anyone in particular...”
“What’s up with you, Jacob?”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t dated in a while. Why?” He gets up to refill his drink.
The question itself is odd, But I answer truthfully anyway, “Haven’t found anyone in particular I like.”
He looks at me sharply and then asks in a disdainful tone. “Have you fucked any girls yet or you haven’t even done that?”
I am taken aback by his bluntness. I don’t like him standing and me sitting like a little boy. So I get up from my chair.
“That’s an offensive question. Don’t you think?” I remark instead of answering.
“Oh yes, it is… But we have been worried about your behavior. You probably don’t realize, but we belong to a respectable family-”
I snort and cut him in middle. “Yeah, this conversation is the very evidence.”
“Do not ever cut me in the middle you brat!” he says in an octave higher, stressing each word.
I stay quiet.
He clears his throat and says after a pause, “I didn’t mean to be harsh... But you don’t make things easy for me Jacob... Things I do for this family. For you. You don’t show an ounce of gratitude…” He mutters under his breath. “Utter disappointment..”
Then he goes quiet. Impressive. To be honest, I was hoping at least ten minutes of speech.
He changes the topic, “How is that Relish girl? Natalie… Right?”
“She is fine… Why don’t you come to the point, Dad?” I am losing my patience and still clueless about what’s on his mind.
“Your mother told me you haven’t dated or shown any interest in any girl so far...”
He adds, “I really hope it’s not because you are into boys or some Gay shit like that!”
As words come out of his mouth, I feel sucker-punched.
He notices my expression and sneers at me, “Don’t tell me you have slept with one?”
I can see revulsion and disgust in his eyes for me. I look at him in disbelief. All along I have been living in with a homophobic and I didn’t know.
He acted ignorantly on such topics, but never outright objected. I remember my father telling a colleague who told him about his daughter being into girls.
”Good for her… As long as children are happy.” He had told him, laughing.
Was that all facade to fit in?
“ANSWER ME!!”
I am still in shock but answer, “No.”
“Good. I don’t want a fucking faggot in my house! You better avoid that shit.”
As if I could.
I finally find my voice and say, “Sorry to disappoint you, But I am Bisexual. Looks like you had a fag in this house all along.” I profess for the sole purpose of defying him.
His jaw clenches, and he says in a low voice, “I guess that solves at least one problem… Just pursue girls and avoid boys. Find some girl, sleep with her. Be a man for God’s sake! Stop behaving like a girl saving herself.”
My skin crawls as the words come out of his mouth. I walk towards the door and he says, “I will not think twice before kicking you out of this house Jacob. So you better take me seriously.”
Great, I cannot wait to get out of here either. As I come out, I see June standing outside listening to the conversation. Her expression is horrified.
“Enjoyed the show?” I ask her in exasperation and walk towards my room.
