Chapter 19

She woke up with a start. Her head was throbbing and her heart was beating fast. Yes she had been running. In her dream. But in reality, she was in Colin's strong arms. She opened her eyes wide and assessed her environment. She looked at the watch on Colin's wrist, it was 2:05am.

"What's wrong?" He asked rubbing her arms

"Had a nightmare?" Juana slowly nodded. It still looked very real.

"Tell me about it. Slowly. I'll listen" he said. He looked sleepy but okay.

"I was falling..from..no I was running towards a scene. There were many people gathered there. They all wore black. I saw dad, I saw mom, I saw granny and i saw myself there. I tried to move close to granny, but the more I ran to her, the more the distance between us. I looked in the coffin, there was no one there. Suddenly, someone yanked my shoulders from behind. When I looked, it was Ivy's mother and she shouted at me to turn back home that the people I was seeing there were all dead"

"What?" Colin was shocked.

"That's what she said, and I ran back"

"I think she means that she herself is dead. I mean some people who just died don't know they're dead until they realize they're invisible to other people. The coffin was empty, she should have been the one there. Don't think too much about it" He said and kissed her cheek. But Juana was very worried

Jasmine died in the early hours of the twenty sixth day of March. Jasmine Flock was Ivy and Alicia's mother. She died of lung cancer. It was a sad day for the girls.

"We're relocating. To our Aunt's" Ivy announced to Juana and Ella, two days after their mother's burial

"She's coming to fetch us in two weeks' time" she said sadly.

"My grandmother will be managing the restaurant now" she added

Alicia hadn't spoken to anyone since her mom's death. Juana remembered the funeral. It took place in that house where they lived. Jasmine was buried near the avocado tree in the back of the house. Ivy said it was where she begged to be buried. Juana didn't understand why. No one did anyway. Ella claimed she saw a woman walk through the crowd at the funeral and sit on the branch of the tree. Ella still saw ghosts, and it was the ghost of Jasmine. The day she died was the day Dawn Leon was brought near home. To a hospital near home. She wasn't dead after all, Juana's mother. But she was in a coma. It's been seven months. She looked dead but the doctors said she wasn't dead. "Her hands are cold. No part of her is moving" Baron said but the doctors said she was alive, in a coma. It was a terrible state. Juana hoped she'd wake up. She was not allowed to touch her mother's body for the first one week that she was transferred near home. But she saw her face. It was pale, but it was her face, her mother's face. She was so relieved.

She spent most of her time riding her bike to and fro her mother's hospital. She was admitted in MaryGrove Hospital. She visited her mom more than she did granny because she didn't like his granny looked now. Her eyes were more sunken than she last saw them, her lips were pale and she looked like death. She kept complaining of pains in her limbs and tightness in her chest. Baron refused to tell her what the doctor diagnosed about granny. She didn't talk much and she was mostly asleep when Juana came visiting. As for her mom, she already looked dead and she wondered why the doctors do not think she's dead. A lot of machines were attached to her nose, chest and wrists and her eyes were shut tight. There were ICP monitors, nasogastric tubes, urinary catheter, and another two that she could not recognize. It made her mom look like a stuffed doll. Juana did touch her hands and they felt cold, but not stiff. Not stiff, but lifeless. The doctors said that she had a brain injury.

"Mom, when will you wake up?" It was the same question she kept asking her for several weeks. In her mind, Juana was almost certain that her mom would soon be pronounced dead. She looked hopeless, but she didn't want to believe that she'd die.

So she let herself think about one of the bishop's teaching about miracles. "Miracles did happen in the ancient days. It still happens now and it'll happen in the future"

"I want this miracle now Lord" Juana prayed sincerely. Sge wondered if she was being selfish about it. She hadn't prayed that a miracle happen when Jasmine was very sick. She hadn't even shed a tear when she passed away. Her friends who were the deceased's children cried their eyes out but Juana was unmoved. She tried to force tears but she just didn't feel anything. She knew she'd cry until she fell sick it were her own mom. She wondered why she didn't cry. Jasmine was a good woman in her lifetime and was very friendly to her, the only thing she didn't do right was being okay with her daughters growing distant from her. Even so, Juana was not mad at her. She was just not feeling anything. She was numb. Maybe it's because she already knew Jasmine'd die because of the nightmare she had about her at Colin's, or his interpretation of it that is.

"I'm sorry for being selfish Lord" she muttered every now and then.

***************************************One evening, her dad returned from the hospital where her mom was admitted. Juana had not been there that day because she was feeling sick. She knew it was her period coming. Baron wore a rather gloomy expression that defied his calm voice.

"Everything okay?" He asked her

"I should ask you dad. You look sad"

"Yeah but I'll be okay I know"

"Why are you sad? Is it about mom? I don't exactly believe she will wake up but I believe the bishop's teaching about miracles. I know all we need is a miracle, and I'm praying for that" she said

"Yeah. I believe on miracles too but this is not about her?"

"What is it? Granny?"

"No. Granny's getting better" That's what he always said. Baron. Juana knew it wasn't true; her granny wasn't getting better, she was losing weight and hardly talked despite using her medications, despite being on admission in the hospital, but he wouldn't stop saying she's getting better. She wondered why.

"What is it dad?"

"Selena is dead" he said and dropped to the bed beside her.

Juana knew who Selena was. She was her mom's boss. She died in the plane crash. What she didn't understand was why her dad was so affected. She knew it was good to be sympathetic and empathetic but if you saw him, you'd think he just lost his whole family and business in a day. He rarely slept after then, after hearing the news about Selena's death. 'I was surprised at his reaction because forgive me, but what the hell was he expecting? He should be glad that his wife is still alive. That's a miracle.' Selena was in the plane when it crashed. She couldn't have survived it. Her mom wasn't. Dawn was stabbed and forcefully kidnapped with some twenty two others into another plane. Whatever they needed them for, nobody knew. But it was a miracle that Dawn was part of them.

Baron spent his mornings at the ranch and drove out to town in the afternoons. He became totally strange after Selena's death. He'd sometimes call Juana to say he'd be returning home late that night, say eleven, after being out all day. Whenever he returned at night, he'd be dead tired and won't talk to her. Before Juana could yawn the next morning, he was already out. She wondered where he always went to in the afternoons. Juana grew lonelier, as her two friends were gone to another city and her dad was almost totally unavailable to her. Colin too gave her little time. He sometimes forgot to pick her up after school, and Juana would follow the bus home after yelling at him on the phone for forgetting. Baron's unavailability meant more work for him on the ranch, Juana knew, but she thought that excuse was flimsy for someone you love. 'I don't even know if he loves me' she always thought. She knew she was gradually losing everyone who loved her, and whom she loved, and it hurt her so muc. Ivy and Alicia wrote her three times a week, they called and video-called every day but it wasn't as enough as seeing them and hugging them physically. Ella still refused Juana from knowing her place. She always complained that she was busy, cooking for her brother and granny, doing laundry, doing the dishes or running errands. So they only met in school, except for a fateful weekend that Ella's grandmother drove her to Juana's street. They weren't to see her. They actually wanted to visit Ivy's grandmother and grandfather who still lived in that house where Jasmine was buried.

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"Yesterday afternoon after school, I came home and found dad home. It was surprising. Well, I took the schoolbus home again, and no , Colin didn't forget me. He had called and apologized to me that he won't be able to come because he had to take my mother's car to the mechanic. I believed him. I always believe whatever he says because I like him. It's silly I know but that's how it is.

Anyways, I was happy to see dad at home. He was cooking spaghetti sauce and beef. Daddy looked tired but not sad. I was happy that I wouldn't be eating snacks or toast for lunch. But daddy wasn't cooking for me. I said hi to him but he only grumbled, he didn't ask me about school or if I wanted lunch right away like he usually asked. He packed food into a container and there was barely any left in the pot.

"Is that for granny?" I asked even though I knew granny barely ate anything we cooked for her.

"I'll be back" that was the reply I got instead. Then he went out the back door and I didn't see him until eleven.

Sometimes I think dad is cheating on mom but I don't have any evidence. That evening while he was out, I went to his room, the room he shared with mom before the terrible incident. It was locked. That was unusual, dad never kept secrets, that included not locking their door. But it was locked when I saw it. I had spare key, thank heavens and I went in. I needed to search for clues as to why he kept late nights since he wouldn't talk to me. I didn't see anything, just books, beddings, clothes, shoes and perfumes. But I noticed something. The left side of the wardrobe where mom kept her dresses was almost bare. Her clothes were gone! I checked the shoe rack and half of her shoes weren't there. I'm so angry as I write this. I don't know how to ask dad because he'd wonder how I made my way in, and he might change the lock, and I will not be able to go on searching for clues. I wonder if Selena's death has anything to do with this. I mean it clearly doesn't make sense but who knows? I am keeping quiet and pretending that I never saw that. It isn't like he'll notice anyway, he barely even looks at me these days. I'll be working on two things, maybe three? One, I need to know if dad's seeing someone else secretly, two, I need to find out Ella's house on my own(that'll be another adventure), and maybe this last one is not necessary? Find out if Colin really likes me too(test him but how?)"

Juana dropped her pen. It was midnight and her dad was sound asleep. He put her to bed that night. It felt good that he still remembered that, but he barely gave any space for questions. She knew she needed to sleep because her doctor said she wasn't sleeping well. It was obvious; she always had dark circles under her eyes, but she usually concealed it with makeup so no one knew except Colin and her family. But she couldn't sleep. She was scared of dreaming about her mom dying, or granny. She'd not be able to bear it, she knew. She was also scared of reality:"What if Baron was indeed cheating on his wife?"

"What if mom dies and dad brings a strange woman home and granny dies and she begins to live with two strangers in the house?"

But Juana prayed about these things that night.