CHAPTER 18 (Part 1)

Caelan Rainer Vassamonte POV

EVEN THOUGH I ask several times why some people leave without saying goodbye, I still can't get the right answer. The question that keeps traveling in my mind is, Why?

I thought we're okay. I know she's not fine when we did it but I can't imagine that after I woke up, I wouldn't see her anymore. That she actually left me hanging and seeking for the answer why did she leave me?

Did I do something wrong? She can tell me so I can correct it. It's not like this. I am like a child who is so lost and doesn't know the path way back.

I blinked my eyes twice when my vision became blurry as I looked up at my ceiling. Damn it Caelan can you stop crying? She left you already! There's nothing you can do! she already left so what's the point of crying huh?

Why can't my tears run out? I thought I had poured it all that night. I thought when I cried all over. It will be okay. But it's not. The pain is still here.

I heard how my door slowly opened so I quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes. I don't want Mom to see me this weak.

I heard her footsteps slowly walking towards my direction and I was not mistaken because her worried face suddenly appeared on my vision.

Mama looked at me with her soft eyes. But I couldn't even smile. It's like I can't feel anything. My heart is so numb.

I closed my eyes when I felt her soft palm on my neck and on my forehead. I heard her uneasy breathing.

"Son," My mother's soft voice called me.

"Hmm," I hummed as an answer while I slowly opened my eyes. I quickly found her eyes.

"Are you okay? You don't feel bad anymore? You're not hot anymore. Does your body hurt?"

You can hear the concern in her voice. I gave Mama a small smile to make her fear go away. I had a fever for three days after the night I spent the night outside Talliah's gate. I know I gave Mama too much anxiety and worry. I am thankful that she's always here by my side. She did not leave my side in my weakest state. I'm so lucky that she's my mother.

"I'm fine Ma, I can go in now. Don't worry. It's just a fever." I laughed softly to cover the bitterness in my heart.

She looked at me worriedly and caressed my cheeks. She sighed heavily.

"Son, I know you're grown up. You can handle yourself. You know how to make decisions for yourself. But that doesn't mean you can't come to me to vent all your grievances, right? I am your mother so I know if you are hurt or not. You should always remember that I am only here for you and for Lana. Remember that hmm? Even though you're already a man, you're still my baby Caelan." Mom's voice trembled as she said those words to me.

I felt how she's so worried about me and also I can feel her love for me.

I want to tell him that I'm hurt but I don't have the courage.

"Alright, rest first. Come in tomorrow." She smiled at me before she walked out of my room.

How will the pain go away? I want her back but I don't know how. Talliah has so many connections so it's impossible for me to find her just like this. I can't match what she has. I can't even admit it but she seems too out of reach for someone like me.

I don't even know why she loved me or if she really loved me. Are the words coming out of her mouths true? Or is she just making things up to get me.

I shook my head at the idea. I know she loves me. I can feel it. But I don't know the reason why she left. Why she suddenly left me.

***

I WAS staring blankly at the clear blue sky. Why do I seem to be the only one sad and mourning now?

It's four in the afternoon and I'm here on the bench where Leina and I often hang out. I didn't go in for the last subject.

I feel like I've lost my appetite. Because every time I look at the front and see the white board and the table. All I can think of is Talliah. She left a memory that I can never forget huh. I chuckled dryly.

It's just so weird feeling like no one is following my every move. I will no longer feel like everything I do is being watched. It's so weird because she's gone. Back then, I found it creepy when I felt that, someone is observing me from afar but it changed when I met her.

If she's the only one looking at me from afar, I won't complain. But the person looking at me left me.

"You're just here," An angry and a familiar voice is what I've heard.

I blinked when I saw Leina in front of me with her angry eyes. She covered the sky I was looking at. I pursed my lips while looking at her.

"Why are you here? Don't you still have class?"

I asked calmly while looking at her. She laughed sarcastically at me.

"Do you even hear yourself Rai? You're the one who didn't attend your class. Then you ask me that! Are you kidding me?!" His eyebrows crossed as she spoke. It's like she's going to explode any time soon.

As I stared at her face I've realized that she's angry. But I don't know why she's angry. The Leina I know is calm and doesn't know how to show anger. But why is she angry now? Because I didn't attend my classes?

"There was only one subject I didn't attend," I said weakly.

"Just one subject? Then what did I hear about your quizzes with low scores! What is happening to you Caelan!" Leina shouted that made me shocked.

My lips parted as I looked at her. This is the first time she got angry at me. And just now she exploded like this. Maybe she's mad because I'm neglecting my quizzes today.

She's right that my quizzes scores are low. I couldn't study well because I was thinking about someone. I feel like I've lost my appetite.

"I'm sorry," I whispered enough for her to hear it. She laughed dryly while looking at me.

"Why did you neglect your studies? You weren't like this before? You really want to graduate with high grades? So what now? Why are you doing this?" She asked while gritting her teeth.

I avoided her gaze and sighed heavily. Leina is right I don't like this. I'm not careless about studying. But I just can't help losing my appetite for everything.

"Is this because of her huh?" Leina asked dryly causing me to look at her.

I looked at her with my confused eyes. What's because of her? Does she know anything? My heart started to beat loudly inside my chest.

"Is this because your substitute teacher who became your fuck buddy left?" She asked sarcastically that made my jaw drop.

H-how did she know?

"Oh you can't believe that I know? Caelan, I've hear your moaning outside the room. You are moaning deliriously as if you are not in the school. I can't believe you can do that nasty thing Rai." Leina shook her head repeatedly while looking at me. I saw how the tears started to pool in the corner of her eyes.

I swallowed but it felt like something was blocking my throat. I couldn't stop my lips from parting as I looked at Leina's hurt face in front of me. She heard us? Why did she just say it now? Did she report Talliah that's why she left?

"I thought you were different, but I didn't think you could do such things with your teacher. You know that it's against the school rules, right? You can be expelled Rai. Can you imagine that?"

Tears flowed from her eyes. She cried as she was looking at me. I suddenly frowned because of her reaction. Does she feel sorry for me so much that she's crying like this?

"It's her fault why you're acting like this! It's her fault why the old Caelan I knew is gone!" She uttered angrily. It's like someone stepped on my heart because of what she said.

It's not Talliah's fault why I'm like this, I chose to be like this so it's not Talliah's fault why I've changed.

"She's my girlfriend Leina and it's not her fault why I'm acting like this." I muttered while looking blankly at her. Her tears stream down to her face like a waterfall. She looked at me while sobbing.

"She's just using you! Wake up Caelan! She's just using you and your body to fulfill her desires. She tainted your innocent mind for her own sake! She's just using you, put that on your brain!" She shouted while crying.

Why can't I feel pity when I see she's crying in front of me? Why am I angry because of what she says to Talliah? She doesn't even know her to say things like that. Maybe before when I see her cry it hurts me but why now it's just more irritation.

"What if he's using me and my body?" I asked coldly, making him blink. She looked at me with her wide eyes while her lips parted a bit.

"I'm ready to offer her my body and my whole personality just to make her happy," I muttered while looking straight to her face.

"That's why she's never at fault, why I'm doing this. Don't blame her because she tainted me. You should blame me because I surrendered myself to her. You should blame me for not avoiding to not fall for her. You should blame me because I've fallen so fast and deep. You should blame me and not her."

Leina shook her head while crying badly in front of me. I blinked when she suddenly knelt in front of me. She looked at me pleadingly.

"Rai I can replace her... please choose me..." She mumbled that made my lips parted in shock.

I didn't expect him to kneel before me.

"I can love you better than her. I can love you with all my heart just pick me. I'd love you for years Rai. I'm just shy to admit it to you. Because it might ruin our friendship. And I thought maybe I'll confess when we both finished school." She sobbed as her tears flowed endlessly.

My heart suddenly ached while watching my best friend crying in front of me. I quickly made her stand up but she didn't want to. It hurts me to see the person I've been with since childhood cry. I wiped the tears from his eyes with my hand. I still can't believe what she says.

Leina love me for years? Does that mean that the times I liked her, she likes me too? But why didn't I feel that?

"I didn't know that you would disappear from my path. I wish I had watched over you. I wish I hadn't been complacent. I wish I had made sure that I was the only woman who could get close to you. But I failed, you got out of my way and went to someone else's. I was too complacent that I was the only woman who entered your life. I-I hope if I hadn't been a coward to confess, maybe I'd still have a chance to enter your heart."

Her voice trembled as she cried. It was as if my heart was twisted to see her like this and I myself was the reason why she was hurt.

"I just realized now that you're taking a different path with other people. Caelan, I didn't expect you to suddenly disappear from my path. if I had been brave, I hope our paths would not have diverged." She put her palms on her face and cried harder.

I quickly hugged and comforted her. Leina don't deserve hurting like this. I felt so sorry for her. She loved just like me. But she won't change that fact that I love someone else. Maybe that's why fate didn't allow me to confess to her because I wasn't really the one for her.

Because now I know who is the right one for me. I only want one person now and even if she leaves she will never be erased from my system. She has marked my entire being.

I felt Leina hug me. I let her cry on my shoulder because this is the last time I will be able to hug her so tightly.

"She took you away from me, she took you away from my hold. Please Caelan choose me. I will not leave your side as I always promised to you..."

I breathe and caressed her back to console her "Don't cry, it will make your face ugly." I teased her just to lift her mood.

"Thank you for not leaving me since we were young, you were there to always support me whenever I was weak. You were my protector because I did not know how to fight. You never left me and I am thankful because I have Leina in my life . I wouldn't be like this if you weren't a part of my life." I said lowly. I felt her sobs subside and she slowly raised her head to look at me.

I smiled sincerely at her. I helped her wipe the tears away from her eyes. Leina looked at me with her soft eyes.

"Can you believe me, that I used to like you?" I asked that made her eyes widen. I laughed at her reaction.

"I liked you because you are the type of girl that everyone dreams of. You probably don't know that there are many people who likes you," I said laughing

"But I suddenly realized that like is different from love. Because when I met her, my life suddenly changed. You know you and her are very different. And I didn't expect to fall for someone who is a few years older than me. I was complacent that you were the girl I wanted, but I was wrong because I would love a girl like her more." I mumbled.

"I'm so sorry if I hurt you today, I did not intend to hurt you and I have no intention of hurting you. You are important to me because I am your friend. But I am not the right person for you. Someone else is right for you and it's not me. You deserve to be loved fully 'cause you're one of the amazing girl I know. You can love anyone except me. 'Cause my heart was kidnapped by someone else already."

I muttered while looking at Leina's eyes. She looked at my face carefully while her tears slowly trickled down to her cheeks again. She really cried a lot.

"Do you really love her?" Leina asked softly while biting her lips.

I quickly smiled at her and nodded.

"But the relationship between a teacher and a student is prohibited right?" She asked curiously.

Yes, I know that. But she's no longer my teacher because she left. I only nodded my head to answer her questions.

"Do you support me?" I asked weakly.

She pouted and rolled her eyes at me. I laughed and ruffled her hair. She crossed her arms and glared at me.

"How can I unlove you then?" She asked while biting her lower lip.

"That will also disappear when you find the right person for you." I uttered while smiling sincerely at her.

"Are you sure? What if I can't find him?" she said laughing.

"Then he's the one who will find you." I burst out laughing making him laugh too.

"You're not mad at me?" She asked curiously while looking at me

I shook my head at her and smiled "No. I understand you. I wish that you can find a man who will love you endlessly. Because you deserve it."

Leina smiled sweetly and she hugged me tighter. I hugged her back. But suddenly we were separated from each other when someone called her using a baritone voice.