To forget

CHAPTER 70

TO FORGET

As if it was just like yesterday when we were happy. I could still remember how happy I was when we had a date, when we watched the meteor shower. I was so happy like my heart was getting softer and softer. I was so happy back then…..

I could still feel what I had felt when I found out that I was pregnant. Even though I am really not ready for it, I felt soft, I felt happy. I was so happy and almost had no words for my happiness when I found out that I am already pregnant.

It is still fresh in my mind every time we talk about a baby. He was so eager to have a baby but he didn't force me. I don't understand. I am so confused about his personality.

Why is he like that?! It's so unfair! It's so unfair that I loved him so much. Am I really not enough? All the men who came into my life, they all made me feel that I was not enough to be loved completely! It's so unfair!

I gave my love purely but I received pain. It didn't occur to me that we will end up like this.

Fuck! I couldn't even imagine that we were done. It seems like yesterday.

Why is it so fast? Why didn't God even give me a sign that we would end up in this kind of situation? Why did he bring us together if we weren't meant for each other? Why did he let us get married if we didn't intend to be together forever?

Why did we even meet if it wasn't written in our destiny to be happy?

Why did he allow me to love him this way?

I am so tired. I am so tired of forcing myself to forget him when it is so hard. It is not easy to forget everything. It is so hard to unlove him.

I'm so used to being with him that it's hard to be alone now. I can't even stop looking for him. I got used to sleeping next to him. He always hugs me every time we fall asleep. I got used to it that whenever I wake up late and he leaves early, he cooks me food with notes. I got used to him. How could I forget him so easily?

Even if I amuse myself again and again to avoid sadness, eventually I will remember everything again.

I thought we were a perfect couple. I thought I was so blessed to have him. I don't know what else I should do to make him love me completely. I don't want to share his love.

Why is it so hard to unlove a person? It's so easy to love him but why is it so hard to forget him? Do I really deserve this? Is it wrong that I still loved him?

He said that he loves me but that love is not pure. It really breaks my heart and even if I try to be okay, I can't.

Why? Why?!

I chose to be blind, to be numb, to be dumb, to be deaf to everything. I noticed it but I chose to think that he was just tired. All I have to do is understand him.

I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do to forget everything. It's also breaking my heart every time I remember how I lost our baby.

I am blaming myself for what happened. If I just ignored everything, he would have been 3 months in my womb by now.

Yes. It's been 3 months since everything happened. I couldn't believe that time went by so fast. Everything seems like yesterday. It seems like just yesterday that Anton and I were talking.

I couldn't believe that I was able to get through 3 months. I can handle it. I was thinking so much that I didn't notice the passing of time.

As of now, I am pretty okay. I am traveling alone just to entertain myself. I don't want to end up in a mental facility because of talking to myself.

I am going to be insane.

As of now, I'm at the bar not to get drunk but just to have fun.

I don't want to get too drunk because I'm suddenly dancing. I am not a good dancer.

I am sipping my juice as I sit. Since I come here often, the bartenders here already know me.

Well…I noticed this guitar next to my seat but I ignored it.

Somehow, I can enjoy it. I am just watching them dance crazily. It is a good idea that I don't drink alcohol. It would be better if it was just juice.

I will go home alone to my apartment and I don't want to go home if I am drunk. I'm not used to being alone so I have to take care of myself because no one will protect me now but myself.

. Somehow I manage to escape the sadness. I am so tired of crying and thinking about those things.

“Can we dance, pretty girl?”

I turned to the speaker and saw a man in black. He's quite handsome but he's not my type. His looks are not trustworthy even though he is handsome.

I refused and said, "Sorry. I don't dance.”

"Let's dance, please? Just for a while," he said while trying to hold my hand.

"I don't want to dance, Sir. Just ask some other girl, not me," I said and I was so annoyed with him and I am also getting scared of him.

"Please. Come on, let's dance," he said again and he was really forcing me to stand up.

I got irritated. "I said I don't want to!" I shouted at him. The others couldn't hear my shout because the sound system was so loud and they were all busy.

"We're just going to dance," he said.

"I said I don't want to!" I shouted again and I was getting too irritated with him because he was so naughty.

"Let's dance, come on."

"Don't force a girl if she doesn't want to," a guy suddenly said so we both looked at him. He's quite tall but I can't see his face clearly because of the disco lights. But he has messy hair but it looks cool to him.

"I just want to ask her to dance," he insisted.

"She said she didn't want to. Is it so hard to understand it?”

"Okay. Relax. Fine. I'm leaving.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when he left. Thanks to this guy who I don't know but it doesn't matter anymore. If he didn't come, that naughty guy might still be forcing me to this day.

Then, I suddenly turned my gaze on him.

"Thank you," I sincerely said.

Even though I don't see much of his face, I can say he's handsome.

"It's okay. You better be careful next time, okay?”

"Okay. Thanks a lot again,”

I took my sling bag but when I was about to hang it on my shoulder, I didn't notice that the chain was hanging on the guitar string. I didn't expect that the guitar would accidentally fall and because of it, the string snapped because the chain of my sling bag was hanging there.

I didn't expect it.

We are both shocked at what happened.

"Oh, my guitar," he said, very

worried and immediately took the guitar.

I didn't know what to do at this moment.