Going somewhere

CHAPTER 74

GOING SOMEWHERE

I am a bit confused. I've been thinking of that guy last night. Is it really obvious that I came from heartbreak? Is it really obvious that I am lonely in life now?

I really can't get out of my mind what he said.

FLASHBACK

While I was drinking Kaku-Highball alone, alcohol 'highball' is a mixture of whiskey and soda, a very popular drink in Japan that goes well with food, a man sat in front of me. I mean, asking permission to sit. And since I was the only one at the table, which is good for 4 people, I agreed. Who am I to ban my fellow customers?

Well, going back to the topic, he is quite old. Earlier, I was mentally asking about love, who was destined for me, and then suddenly he came. It's funny to think that he is the one God sent for me? It seems too fast.

But...is he really the one? In my opinion, they are the same age as my Dad. I can consider him as a father, too. Is he really the one for me? Can it be different? He's not my type.

But I don't feel anything. It's just like normal. I think he is in his 50s.

"May I ask why you are alone here?" he asked, surprising me. We are not close and we don't even know each other.

I was suddenly surprised so I said "Excuse me?" Is he talking to me?

"Oh I'm sorry. I just noticed that you are alone. Why are you sad?"

I am even more confused and shocked.

I was really shocked, especially when he asked why I was sad?

Is it obvious?

“Wh-what-?” I asked. How could he say that I'm sad? Is it obvious on my face?

He chuckled a bit, and said, "Forgive me, young lady, if I asked that. I just noticed in your eyes the sadness that's hiding behind them. Am I right or am I wrong? Don't be upset. I just noticed.”

I don't know how to react, but he's quite talkative. I don't know how he could say that.

But....I didn't expect that someone would see my sadness even if I hid it and covered it with smiles.

It's a little funny to think that I'm the one fooling myself.

I can not talk. I don't know where to find the answer. All I can say is that he was right in what he said.

"You know, it will be heavier if you keep hiding it. Let it go. If you are listening to me, at my age, I have experienced a lot. I've experienced insisting that I be okay even though I'm so broken. But….one day, I woke up and I was fine. I am feeling well emotionally. It's like magic. So don't let yourself get stuck in yesterday. Learn to face tomorrow. Excuse me.”

I don't know why he said that. I didn't even expect someone to tell me that, especially someone I don't know.

He left after telling me all that. I wasn't even speechless.

I was left confused.

END OF FLASHBACK

I can't let go of those things. Maybe one day I will understand all that.

As of now, I let myself feel all the pain in my chest first. I know one day I will be okay too.

I don't know where in the world I will find the man for me. I don't know where to find the happiness I long for. I know that a person will not be happy forever, but I want to be happy. I'm eager to be happy. I really want to feel the happiness again in my life

It's been 6 months. I just remembered again that my baby would have been 6 months old. Maybe if he hadn't disappeared, we might have found out his gender. Maybe now I can think of his name.

But….I lost my baby. It is really hard to forget it. It is really hard to let go of those things.

After my trip to Tokyo, Japan, I took a vacation in Dubai. I want to travel so that somehow I can forget. Even if it's hard, I can handle it.

I almost laugh every time I remember that I tried to kill myself. It's funny. I couldn't even believe it.

That is the effect of extreme depression. It almost led me to the point where I was able to commit suicide.

But I am glad that I am still alive. I am grateful to the man who saved me. I didn't even manage to thank him. If we meet again, I will thank him.

I don't know if I will go back there. I know that when I go back to that place… I know that I will only remember everything that happened.

I just thought how is he doing now? Is he doing great? Maybe he forgot about me. Are they official? Sometimes I think that we would be happy now but it's all just a thought. I can't even bring back the past and I don't even want him back in my life.

I will admit that I still have some feelings left for him but not as much as before. It's a difficult and long process but I can handle it.

At that time I had given up so I thought of killing myself to end everything but God did not let what I wanted happen and I know that is not what he wants to happen in my life. Maybe that's why a guy saved me.

A just let out a very deep sigh as I looked out the window of the bus I was riding. I don't know where my feet will take me. I've been to many places just to forget and find some peace and happiness. Maybe I just reward myself for having fun.

The bus stopped and I was the only one on the bus so I had no choice but to get off the bus.

I just walked around first. It's cold here so it's really refreshing but it would have felt better if I had someone here with me.

I'm okay with my single life. I don't want to force myself to find a guy. I am content with my life now.

Well, I've been single for 6 months. I sometimes wonder who will make my heart beat again. But every time I think about it, I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I know it's normal to get hurt when you love but I am really afraid of it now.

All of a sudden, I stopped suddenly not knowing why, then, I was in front of a building which is 'Museum of the Future' here in Dubai. Upon reading the name of the building, my mind seemed to be enveloped by something.

Museum of the Future ... .I don't know but the word 'Future' stuck in my mind. I don't understand myself but I suddenly thought about the future that Anton and I had planned. I just can't forget it.

Forget it. Forget it. We're done. We've been apart for 6 months so I shouldn't go back to those memories.

I suddenly had an interest in going there. I'm just curious about the museum.

Well, as I planned, I entered the museum. I am just really amazed at what I see but I was on the first floor when suddenly my phone rang.

I saw my friend calling. I just remembered that we actually planned to meet today. Oh, she's a friend of mine who gave me advice, the owner of the restaurant I went to even though they were closed that day.

I wanted to tour the museum but I had to meet him, so I left immediately.

I took a taxi to go fast.

I am enjoying riding the bus because it is more relaxing.