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And as my muscles contract, Zaret also lets out a low moan. One that almost makes me tremble. God, there's just as much honesty in that one tone alone as I've always wanted to hear from him. "Shit Kalota," he manages to breathe heavily as my abdomen nestles tightly around Zaret's erection again. The hardness literally squeezes in. And that seems to finish him off too. Zaret grabs my pelvis tighter. Lets my hips slide back and forth in a fast beat and the member pulsates in me.

I know this feeling. When the man pumps his sperm into me. And yet this time it's different. It's not just anyone, it's Zaret. The man who makes my heart fly. So I lean in and gently place my lips on his. And this time Zaret is not backing down. He returns the kiss. Even if only briefly. We both focus on breathing rather than dancing our tongues together. And so our lips brush rather than actually touch. But that kind of closeness is perfect right now. I can feel the warmth of Zaret. Scratching the stubble. The way his body trembles with the orgasm until it subsides.

I can't even say how long we'll stay in this position. We both lick our wounds and yet we're still trapped in the world of arousal. Only my muscles tremble slightly. But I also don't want to move and thereby interrupt this moment. Right now it's carefree. But what I can't do, Zaret does. He sighs softly and lifts me off him.

A torrent of semen follows its decreasing hardness and runs warm down my thigh. Actually, that should bother me. Or I should at least think about how to remove it afterwards. After all, I really didn't want the jailer to see that I just had sex. But I just put all these worries aside and sit down on the cool concrete instead. The little pebbles on the floor press uncomfortably on the wounds, but even that goes under. But what is now coming back with full force is fatigue. God how I wish I could just lay down to sleep. Right here next to Zaret. But that would really go too far.

"You should go," Zaret grumbles, rubbing his face. And I know he's right. I'd have to go upstairs to my room and wait to see what Xerxes does. But I still don't move.

"I'd like to stay a little longer," I mumble, actually expecting Zaret to shake his head right away. That he'll just force me to leave his cell. But instead of telling me directly to go away, he looks at me thoughtfully In fact, I think I see something like understanding in those brown eyes.

"You know you'd be better off running straight away?" There's no accusation in his voice. More like resignation. Zaret probably thinks he's putting me in danger I wanted to test whether I was going to Zaret, then this could mean my death. It just doesn't scare me anymore. So I nod curtly. Zaret immediately smiles a little and scratches his neck. That's how he manages it actually looking cute in a way. "Still as stubborn as ever, huh?"

I know what he's referring to. Zaret had told me that I had always caused my own suffering by not wanting to give in when it would have been smarter to do so. And in fact he manages to elicit a slight smile from me just through this memory of my life back then.

"At least one thing has stayed the same." There is more truth to that statement than intended. But it's true. I find myself a mere shadow of myself. Too much has happened. Too much , which I never really processed. I put all my problems on the back burner. Always wanted to deal with it later. Only I never did. And so it's not just Zaret and Xerxes who are to blame for my change, but also me. My own Weakness in facing problems has left me inwardly jaded without realizing it.

Zaret slides a little closer to me and this act alone makes him moan in agony. It's almost interesting how he seems to be feeling the full extent of his injuries now and how he just dominated me so easily. As if the excitement had helped him isolate himself too.

"Kalota, never forget who Xerxes really is," he whispers, looking down the aisle. It's obvious that Zaret doesn't want anyone else to hear his words, so I lean slightly towards him.

"What do you mean?" In fact, I don't understand what he's trying to tell me. Who would Xerxes really be? A man who could never put an end to his past. A tortured soul, doomed to never forget and never to process. Like me.

Zaret looks at me intently and seems to weigh the next words. That's new to me. He usually just babbles on it, as long as it doesn't affect his plan. And this isn't about that, it's about me.

"Something's wrong with him," Zaret begins and pauses. Still seems unsure how exactly to explain his thoughts. And that makes me really nervous. Why is he so reserved?

"He looked at you as if he wanted to eat you." Zaret's gaze is still fixed on me. As if he wants to make sure I understand what he's saying. And I do. At least I think so. So I just snort annoyed. "Yes, because he wanted sex." Naturally. Xerxes was eventually interrupted by Platura, and the sight of Zaret probably didn't dampen his euphoria. But Zaret just shakes his head and leans forward a little more.

"No, Kalota. No man who wants sex looks like that. He wants something else from you." And that makes me sit up and take notice. What would Xerxes want from me? After all, he has everything. Money. A wife. Friends and allies. Everything I crave. But Zaret is right. Xerxes wants me to live in the castle despite all these factors. He told me that I could be his savior. And yet I don't feel like Xerxes wants to be saved at all. Nobody who really wants to change does that carry on as before So what does Xerxes want from me?

And as if Zaret can read my mind, he smiles knowingly. "Do you know that you always seem innocent?" Zaret's smile grows bigger. More wistful cruelty in the world has never known." Hearing that makes me falter. Just the fact that Zaret notices something like that in me makes my heart skip a beat. But most importantly, I've never felt anything like that about me. Whenever I could look at myself in a mirror, all I saw was a tired woman. Never what Zaret described.

"But Kalota, the glitter is going away," he whispers, eyeing me. And now I know what Zaret is trying to tell me. Xerxes robs me of my hope that things will eventually get better. Is that true? I can't even begin to tell.

"So make sure he doesn't take it away from you completely," Zaret whispers, and he seems to really mean it. There's no mockery in his voice. No condescending grin. That irritates me. Zaret has already told me that he not only is the monster what i have seen in him so many times, but for the first time i see the other side of him. caring for his counterpart. that should bring joy. but the opposite is the case. there is anger in me, unrestrained anger.

"Is that what you're saying?" There's more reproach in it than I intended. Yes, I didn't even know that Zaret aroused so much resentment in me. But now that the first words have left my lips, I can Don't hold back the torrent of sentences any longer. "If it were so important to you that I didn't lose my shine, then you wouldn't be sitting here. Not hurt." All of this corresponds to the truth. I didn't know it myself, but I'm angry. Insanely angry that Zaret captured himself. That he has so many wounds on his body. He tempts fate. It doesn't matter who suffers.

I lean in a little further and smell the so-familiar smell of sulfur. But this time I won't let that fool me. "If you cared about me, you would flee with me," I whisper, standing up. I can't bear to sit still right now. God, how did this conversation get so out of hand? And how can I Zaret like this say something? By God the sex must have really fumished the last bit of my sanity.

Zaret gets up too and wants to say something, but I just shake my head. And this time I shut him up. I don't need an explanation from him. He won't go away with me. Will also put up with my mental deterioration to pursue his stupid plan. "It's OK. You're just not my white knight, are you?" I whisper and look at Zaret. God, how I wish that he would show me the opposite. That he would tell me that that's not true and give me a hug Just a little touch would be enough for me to awaken some hope in me again. A small spark, in the otherwise so present blackness. But Zaret doesn't move. He doesn't let the light of hope glow. "Then let me please decide for yourself who I let get close to me." No more than a breath. It's a miracle that Zaret understands it at all. He grinds his teeth. And for a very short time, I think he's giving me what I want so badly.

"Kalota." No more. One word. Such a simple string of letters. And yet it says more than a whole speech could is the only one who could catch me. And that he lets me fall. Zaret will not save me from the eternal darkness. No arms to save me. No mercy. Not for me. I would like to say something else. Would tell him what I feel. But I'm silent. As always. And so we only look at each other for a moment before I turn around. A single hot tear runs down my cheek and one thing I swear to myself right now. This will be the last time that I cry for a man. Never again shall anyone have the power to smash me with words.